Post # 1
We are having a small wedding in February with about 90 guests. My groom and I each just selected one witness to stand up with us. I choose my sister-in-law because it just seemed like the right thing to do.
She is a stay-at-home wife with no children and lives in the same town as me. I was a bridesmaid in her and my brothers wedding back when I was 19.
I told her that it was really great because since it was just her being the matron of honor and no others in the bridal party, we really had a lot of choices open for whatever she wanted to wear. When she was invited to come look at the venue and also go look at bridal gowns with me, she said yes at first but then gave excuses why she could make it for both occasions. On Saturday my brother let me know that she and he went and purchased her dress from David’s Bridal for the wedding. I didn’t have any say. My brother text me a picture of her in the dress and it is ugly and nothing I would have approved of. I’m not just saying it is ugly because I am upset. Others have agreed it is not attractive or appropriate.
Do I fire my Maid/Matron of Honor if she refuses to cancel her dress order with David’s Bridal?
Post # 3
@hisbridekimberly: what a sticky situation to be in :/ I personally would be just as upset if my moh picked a dress without me or my input. What does your fiancé think about the situation and the dress? What about the dress inappropriate?
Post # 4
we really had a lot of choices open for whatever she wanted to wear.
Perhaps she interpreted your words literally?
Post # 5
@hisbridekimberly: She already sounds like a problem. She’s not being there for what I have read a Maid/Matron of Honor is supposed to help with and she took it upon herself to order a dress for YOUR wedding without including you? YUPPERS! Headache. So yes, you should let her know this is not the dress/style/color you have selected and she needs t put the order on hold. If she refuses, drop her and find someone else. One less stressful thing to deal with!
Post # 6
Well not much you can do about it now besides suck it and be graceful even though she deserves to be told off.
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I agree with julies1949, depending on how you worded it to Maid/Matron of Honor, she may have assumed you literally meant, “whatever SHE wanted to wear.” Did you let her know up front that you wanted to approve her dress selection? When you went wedding dress shopping, was that also to find her dress, and was she aware of that fact?
How is the dress inappropriate? Too short? Too much cleavage, etc?
Post # 8
@hisbridekimberly: you can’t exactly fire her since, well you arn’t her employer adn you’re not paying her anything.
Really loathe it when people go around saying that they are going to fire Bridal Party members.
Anyway rant aside, I think you should just be honest with her. Tell her you’re disapointed she picked a dress without your input and tell her you don’t like the dress. Perhaps offer to pay for a new one of your chosing, to try to keep the peace.
Post # 9
I think its a pretty well understood concept that the bride has first and final say in her bridesmaids dresses.
I mean, really, I don’t know what she thought she was doing, getting a bridesmaid dress without even consulting the bride?? Who does that??!! I would be very upset too, as in the end, I really wanted a specific look for my 2 bridesmaids.
I would call her and ask her what is up, that you heard X and you are very upset. Be honest but polite about it, as best as you can be.
I would see if DB would consider stopping the order and applying that money to something else in their store, like a different Bridesmaid or Best Man dress (if you even wanted to get it from there) or something else. In the end, its your wedding and frankly I think that you should be able to have some control over what your bridal party wears.
Post # 10
what does the dress look like? can you find a pic online? She probably thought you meant she could get whatever she likes. Did you see her in the dress or just a picture? sometimes that makes a difference. If you really don’t like it tell her and I’m sure she will understand.
Post # 11
Normally, I would say that bridesmaids can wear what they want if allowed to pick their own attire, but she is your Maid/Matron of Honor and didn’t consult you at all, and that’s not okay. When you bring this up with her, don’t focus on how bad it looks. The bigger problem is that she didn’t even run this by you before she acted and that hurt you. From that perspective, she may be more likely to change her order to something you both like.
How inappropriate is the dress, BTW? Is it way too short? Does it show skin that’s not allowed to be shown at the ceremony? If the dress wouldn’t be permitted for religious reasons, you need to straight-up tell her that too.
Post # 12
@hisbridekimberly: No you be honest with her. You tell her you wanted to go dress shopping together and this dress is not what you had in mind.
If she gets upset, you remind her that for her wedding you dressed as she wished and you would hope she would give you the same curtesty.
Post # 13
@hisbridekimberly: what’s the dress? It can’t be THAT bad?
Post # 14
At this point you just need to talk to her and see if the dress can be refuded and explain that you wanted to be more involved. If anything I see this as a positive for your Maid/Matron of Honor b/c she took your words literally, and that her actions show that she was being proactive and excited to be in your wedding.
Post # 15
She’s going to be the only one wearing it–I would probably just let it go. And since you only have one member of your bridal party, it’s not like you’ll be doing 10000000 bridal party pictures!
Post # 16
this may just be my personality, but I would have no qualms telling her I don’t like the dress. Hopefully DB will refund her dress.