- Mrs Pants
- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2014
Ok this is going to get a bit long, so bear with me.
I have an issue with my (former?) best friend. We’ve been friends since elementary and really tight since college. I was her Maid/Matron of Honor (over her sister) as we were so close, it was understood she would be mine. I have no sisters. Since she became pregnant with her first, she has been remarkably absent from my life. We would usually try to see each other at least once or twice a month, but were both busy and kept in touch with email/calls.
At first I thought that maybe it was just the baby thing, I know its hard being a new mom, and of course I can’t relate to her on that. I know that she is wrapped into babies and other Moms who understand her. I’ve tried very hard to patient, and understanding and loving, but honestly — I have seen her and the baby twice since his birth. She wouldn’t even call me for the first 3 weeks of his life. He is now 7 months old, and they live literally two blocks away. I should also mention that we live in Canada and so she is lucky enough to have one full year of mat leave. So working + new baby is not a factor here at all.
She never, (ever) answers the phone, and when I do leave messages she only manages to get back to me a week or two later. She doesn’t like drop ins. She has assured me to drop in now as she is so busy with the baby she never thinks to call. But the one time Fiance and I did that pre-baby, we got a frosty reception, so I would never do it again, despite her supposed change of heart. She’ll say things like “I’m so sorry, I’ve been a terrible friend”, but then continue on about her life. I’ve reassured her that I know she has a lot going on, no worries…etc.
The last time we spoke was probably 3 weeks ago. It was not a good conversation. She had referred Mr. Pants and I to her jeweller for our engagement ring. It all seemed great and above board until we researched deeper (we are the type to research all our purchases to the nth degree) and discovered it was not natural diamonds, but rather tampered with to look better, but are very fragile and cannot be handled the same as a. I had to tell her to check her rings as it may not all be what it appears to be. Mr Pants and I now have to move forward with a legal proceeding to attempt to get our deposit back from said sketchy jeweller. Which is a separate and miserable story that has completely ruined my engagement… which also technically hasn’t happened yet since half our money is gone. Ok… so I (gently) told her about all that. Didn’t mention the ‘ruin’ part of course, no need to make her feel worse. Of course she felt badly and apologized, and I told her that it wasn’t her fault and I know she would never intentionally send us to someone like that, but that she needed to know so that she 1) would never recommend this guy again and 2) could take proper care of her very fragile jewellery.
Here’s the thing. When I was speaking with her, she was busily trying to prep for a weekend at the cottage. The baby is teething, etc, and she asked if she could call me later. No problem… that was 3 weeks ago. She hasn’t made any attempt at contacting me. I haven’t bothered trying to contact her, because at this point I’ve given up. I really feel like the ball is in her court.
I need to ask someone to be a witness for me soon, we’re hoping to get married summer 2012. Don’t even ask me how much fun I’m having booking for a wedding I haven’t announced. Its depressing. I’m starting to think about my little brother being my Man of Honour. I can’t rely on her at all and I’m sure it would really be too much to load on her if she can’t manage her own life right now.
Would you try to address this with her or just let everything fizzle out? I’ve told her multiple times that I missed her etc, but at this point, I guess I am used to her not being there… it seems… not right to make someone a Maid/Matron of Honor if they haven’t been there.