(Closed) MOH sitch…kind of long.

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
46331 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

She does not have to cancel plans and put her life on hold for you. She is fully entitled to carry on with her travel plans and tell you that she cannot fit a trip to Vegas into her budget. All bachelorettes do not have to involve an out of town trip.

Perhaps you could try looking at her communication in a more positive way. By giving you her availability she was indicating that she wanted to attend. 

Post # 4
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think you need to talk to her about what you expect for her as Maid/Matron of Honor. i had to have this talk with my sister…we just needed to communicate what i expected from her and vise versa. as pp stated, no one can put thier life on hold for your wedding….

Good  luck! Happy Planning!

Post # 5
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Yeah, I see nothing wrong with her behavior.  She has a busy schedule and is trying to make sure you are aware of her availability.  You said you have 5 BM’s – scheduling conflicts with some things are bound to arise, and there may be events that they can’t all attend.

And if you want her to accompany you on wedding “tasks,” then I think it’s perfectly reasonable that you should accommodate her schedule.  If you don’t want to be mindful of her personal schedule, you’re capable of doing your wedding tasks yourself.

Post # 7
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Spicy Tofu: you guys are friends so just talk to her about your expectations. I promise things will be a little better

Post # 8
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

the only thing here that i saw as being kind of blow off-y was her trying to bail on the engagement party. but then again, as someone working full-time and going to school and being a Bridesmaid or Best Man in a wedding right now, I can understand trying to fit things in when you can. you said the party wasn’t a formal wedding event so i can see how she thought it might be ok for her to miss it.

you (or someone close to you i am guessing) told her it was important she be there, and she was. sounds like you should just try communicating pre-emptively to her the things that are SUPER important for her to help out with/be there for so she can prioritize accordingly.

just out of curiosity, did you float the vegas trip by your other BMs? what was their reaction? do you think that would be financially and logistically (meaning can everyone get time off work/school/other life commitments without major inconvenience) possible for them? her saying “that’s not realistic” says to me that maybe she is considering other factors beyond her budget and time. maybe she is thinking of other BMs?

Post # 10
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Spicy Tofu: ahhhh, i see what you’re saying. i think you should just convey to her what you just said here:

“I don’t want her to put anything on hold, I just want to know that she is wiling to to try and commit to important things.”

if you’ve never been married before and she’s never been a moh before, this is a new experience for both of you. like all relationships, it takes communication to make it work 🙂

as for the trip to vegas…. if all the other girls are on board and it’s what you want, then i say go for it (vegas is awesome!)… if she can make it she will. when it comes to the bach party, i feel its not fair to expect anyone to travel out of town, no matter how close they are or what role they have in your wedding. it will be a much more fun weekend if everyone there is there of her own free will and not stressing about money. 

 

Post # 11
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t see any problem here.

You asked, she told. You interpreted how you interpreted and that’s not to say that’s how she meant it.

If you want to go to Vegas on your stag, and 4 of your Bridesmaid or Best Man want to go… then go but she said it’s not possible (presumably for HERSELF) to go.

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