(Closed) MOH speech – critique needed!

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I like it, cute but not overdone. My only critique (and please take it for what is and don’T´t be offended) is flow. It seems you talk about growing up in the first paragraph and then go to childhood in the next paragraph. Then the final paragraph addresses both. Maybe you could insert the catching flies story earlier before you “grow up” and then transition to addressing both with a brief memory of meeting Fiance or something. I really love how you bring the catching flies thing to the end in wishing them luck. Good luck this weekend 🙂

Post # 6
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I like it…just enough touches of humor without being corny…just enough sweetness without being overdone…

The “flow” could be better, but overall, I think that it’s good.  Maybe there should be something between the open mouth part and the closing paragraph?  Or maybe just more explanation about why you’re discussing the open mouth trait…

Post # 7
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think it is sweet, but I would add something about your observations of your sis and her Fiance..even if you can’t speak to their meeting or early dating years.  Something about what good qualities they bring out in eachother, their shared interests, love, etc.

but overall it’s a great toast!

Post # 8
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think it’s really sweet. To edit and correct for flow, say it out loud several times and see where it sounds awkward to you. Then get out your trust pen and correct 🙂 Lots of things sound very different read aloud than read silently on the page. 

Post # 9
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

its sweet maybe shorten it a little and hit home with a heartfelt message

Post # 10
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Our best man did a fantastic job of talking about both his brother and me.  He was the only speaker who gave us equal footing (my dad and my sister talked a lot more about me).  I loved both my dad’s and sister’s speeches and they were very special to me, but my BIL did a fantastic job, and i really appreciate how much about US he included.  So, I think your speech is lovely.  I agree with the idea of editing by reading aloud a couple times.  But if you have something to say about both of them, add it.  (No one will mind the added length if you do it well!)

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