Post # 1
So I am maid of honor in this girl’s wedding. Originally, we were close. However, as time has gone on I have realized that what closeness that was there is now gone. She still sees us as biffles for life. But, the way she has used me, disrespected me and expected me to be at her complete beck and call both in the official function as maid of honor, and as simply her friend has made me realize that this friendship was never truly one. I’ve tried to explain to her how I feel, and she chooses to ignore it. If I am struggling with my severe health issues that day, she is struggling harder since she “has an 8 month old, and I’ll understand when I have one” No validation, or caring, even though I sit there and offer to stay the night (and often do stay the night) at there house so I can stay up with the baby (my godson) just so they can get a little sleep. But she has no concern for me. She makes comments about my weight, (which is within the healthy range, i just have a booty) all and all really not ok stuff. And when I say hey, cut the crap, you have no right to talk to me like this, she makes excuses and continues doing it. It honestly all began when she got pregnant, and all of a sudden the attention was on her. Then she got engaged. And now, the world revolves around her. And I can’t take it. No matter how many times I address the issues nothing sticks. The wedding is soon, and I have no idea what to say in my maid of honor speech. Normally, I abide by the “if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all” rule. But in this case, I can’t get away with that.
This is not to say we don’t have some good memories that I could talk about. They are just few and far between, and most involve her son, who I’m not allowed to discuss in the toast because they don’t want anyone thinking they got married for the baby.
Post # 3
@Orangina2013: I’m not sure what an Maid/Matron of Honor speech entails. Could you talk about her when you first met and when she and you met her husband to be. That’s all before she changed, i assume, so you wouldn’t be lying!
Post # 4
@Orangina2013: why do you have to do a speech? I was Maid/Matron of Honor last year and didnt do one. I honestly had nothing to say, I was frustrated with my friend, and I wasnt originally supposed to be Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 5
@Orangina2013: Tell her you can’t do a toast. If she asks why, tell her being an Maid/Matron of Honor has just been too much, and preparing a speech would be extra work and you just can’t.
The worst she can do is dump you as Maid/Matron of Honor, which by the sound of things you wouldn’t care if she did. ETA: Or just quit, as someone below said but I wasn’t brave enough to at first. If she treats you like cr*p, why should you help with her wedding?
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center
Honestly if you hadn’t said your friend had a baby, I would think you were one of my bridesmaids (not talking about me but the way you talk – we call each other biffles too! lol)
Either 1. explain you don’t want to do a speech because of x, y, and z or 2. Just wish her and groom luck and be done with it. Instead of making the speech about your relationship, just say something along the lines of “these two are obviously in love and i’m glad that my friend, so and so, has found someone that truly makes her happy. the end.”
Post # 7
Just keep it short and sweet. Say somrthing about how beautiful she looks, what a lucky guy the groom is, and other niceties. If you can muster it, include a nice story. This is no time to air your dirty laundry, just keep it short and appropriate and wrap it up.
Post # 8
If I were you I would not be worrying about doing a speech for the wedding, as I would not be being a Maid/Matron of Honor for her.
Post # 9
@Olivepepper: I kind of agree.
If you can’t think of anything nice to say about your friend and her friendship then I would step down. It is kind of dishonest to pretend and could ruin her memories of her wedding day if it comes out after the wedding.
Post # 10
@j_jaye: But isn’t it too late? The wedding is in less than 3 weeks. I want to go the honest route with this over anything else, but in this situation I’m afraid dropping out will have more of a negative impact on her wedding than being as nice as possible. standard niceties in the Maid/Matron of Honor speech, then just discreetly taking a break for myself after the wedding.
Post # 11
@Orangina2013: I agree. You may not like this girl much right now but you may ruin her wedding by doing that. I’m sure you don’t hate her that much!!
Post # 12
I would think you were one of my bridesmaids (not talking about me but the way you talk – we call each other biffles too! lol)
Post # 13
@Orangina2013: Is stepping down an option for you?
If it’s not, then try to tell her you don’t feel comfortable giving a speech. Make up an excuse or just be honest with her, whatever you decide.
If you absolutely have to make a speech, forget about the past and just wish them luck in the future. Make it a general speech, don’t include details about your relationship with her. Keep it short, and I guarantee the guests will love you for it. I personally cringe when I hear speeches that start with, “Oh gosh, I still remember when blah blah blah, I can’t believe you’re married! We used to blah blah blah, and blah blah blah…”
Post # 14
@Orangina2013: Honestly if I was the bride I would prefer if you stood down than pretend to like me. I would rather not have you in my photos than have to look at them with you in them for the rest of my life once/if I found out the truth.
Post # 15
@j_jaye: In a perfect world, I think every bride would feel that way, me included.
But it sounds like this bride would care more about the added pressure of a Maid/Matron of Honor stepping down so close to the wedding than finding out the Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t feel as close to her as she used to.
This bride does not care for the feelings of her Maid/Matron of Honor. She knows what she’s doing to the OP, and she’s completely unapologetic. So why should the Maid/Matron of Honor sympathize with the bride and step down just so she doesn’t have to “pretend to like her?” I know one post isn’t enough to judge someone’s character, but I’ve dealt with my share of people who act like this, whether they’re stressed out or not. I honestly think it’d be better for the OP to keep the peace and continue as the Maid/Matron of Honor, say some general, nice things in her speech if she’s forced to make one, and gradually phase herself out of this woman’s life after the wedding.
“I’ve tried to explain to her how I feel, and she chooses to ignore it…But she has no concern for me…And when I say hey, cut the crap, you have no right to talk to me like this, she makes excuses and continues doing it.”
ETA: Ugh, forgive my rambly post. I really need to sleep. I think you get what I’m trying to say though, right? Not trying to be harsh, just expressing a different point of view.
Post # 16
@fzesguer: Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think the bride is right or a very nice person but it sounds like the OP is and values being a good person. Sometimes being the good person means doing the hard thing.
If the bride is as selfish as the OP has hinted at then you can bet she will take this to the grave and looking at her wedding pictures will bring that bitterness to the front. Where as it sounds like the bride would probably “forget” about her friend in the long run if she drops out and isn’t in the photos so she doesn’t have a constant reminder of it. Of course the bride will be mad for a bit before the wedding but she will move on. A lot quicker than I think most of us would.