- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I don’t even know where to begin. I’ll try to keep it short. My Maid/Matron of Honor is my friend from college, we’ve known each other for several years and have been through a ton together. We’ve been best friends since we met essentially, and always discussed the given that we would be each other’s Maid/Matron of Honor. 1 1/2 years ago we both moved away for postgrad studies. We live several states away from each other. In the past year and a half, we’ve visited each other several times, alternating who travels to who. As I was in my first year of law school last Sept, our conversations lacked for a while and were inconsistent due to the fact that I was out-of-my-mind busy with school and driving at least 3 hours a day travelling to and from school. Regardless of this, in February when I got engaged, I immediately asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. She even threw me a little surprise engagement get-together with a couple friends. I went to visit her in May and all was well.
Now, in August I began helping my aunt and uncle take care of my uncle’s mom who has many health issues. My uncle was recently diagnosed with cancer, which within a month turned in stage 4 cancer. He’s been in and out of the hospital the past two months and things have been crazy stressful and busy. MY Maid/Matron of Honor knows all of this, and along the way I’ve been sending her updates about the wedding, asking her opinion, etc.
A couple weeks ago we texted and she was telling me how great she was doing, etc. I specifically remember telling her how happy I was for her. About a week later, she told me that she has been distant with me because she feels I am not happy for her. I told her I didn’t understand why, I told her I was, and that maybe it’s just because he haven’t talked much lately due to all the crazyness going on. I even apologized. She said maybe it was just her and to forget about it.
Now, she texts me out of the blue and tells me she is stepping down as my Maid/Matron of Honor due to 1) she feels I should have a Maid/Matron of Honor who is close by who I can plan with (even though most of my planning is already done), and 2) she does not know what her financial status will be in a year when I get married. I told her that the 1st “problem” is not a problem to me. I picked her as my Maid/Matron of Honor, and that’s all that matters to me. As far as finances go, all she has to do is buy the dress which is about $150. I already bought her shoes as a gift, and we’re not requiring anything else of her. If this was really a problem, we could work something out.
After talking, she brought up that “maybe it’s because we haven’t seen each in a while, but we’re barely friends, and I don’t want your Maid/Matron of Honor to be someone who you’re barely friends with”. WOW. Ouch. Yeah, that really hurt.
I told her that if she steps down as Maid/Matron of Honor, that’s basically saying we’re not friends anymore. I asked her if she still wants to be friends, and she said yes. Then she said “Listen I won’t step down and I will honor the commitment.” Um, seriously? Thanks so much, really.
So after thinking about it for a while and realizing the repercussions, I decided to tell her how hurt and insulted I was, and that she obviously does not think we’re close enough anymore for her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, and now because of this, I feel the same way.
She wrote back, saying something about knowing it’s hurtful (but never apologizing), and going on about how “would you rather I pretend that we’re still really close and be dishonorable that way, or actually tell you that I don’t think that I’m the best person to take up that role?”
I’m just so hurt and angry. On top of all this (losing my Maid/Matron of Honor and best friend in one fell swoop, I now have no idea what to do as far as my bridal party goes and I feel like any option like asking someone else to be a bridesmaid/maid of honor would be insulting to that person and make them feel 2nd rate!