- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 2013
Really not sure what to do here… my Maid/Matron of Honor called me last night to explain that not only would she no longer be IN my wedding, she won’t even be AT it. She told me that there’s “been a lot going on” with her recently that’s been causing a lot of stress and anxiety and that because of it, she’s been having heart issues (racing heart, fainting, etc.). She doesn’t even want to be at the wedding because she feels there would be a strong chance of her having an “episode” and needing medical attention.
I’m devastated, but I reassured her that her health comes first and agreed that she needs to do what she feels most comfortable with – stay home (she lives in NJ, our wedding is in MA) and take care of herself. Obviously, I’m really worried about her so I asked what exactly was going on and if there was anything I could do to help. We’ve been friends for 15 years, and, over that time, I don’t think there’s anything we haven’t told each other! So it felt off to me when she just kept saying “just family stuff…” I didn’t press it; if she doesn’t want to share I totally respect that, but it’s not at all like her to be that evasive.
And not to make this all about myself here, but what also worries me is that I feel like there’s a lot going unsaid. When I first asked her to be Maid/Matron of Honor she seemed really excited and honored. Then, closer to the end of this summer, she would make comments like, “I feel like I’m not a good Maid/Matron of Honor because I live far away and can’t help you.” But, there really wasn’t much to help with. For lots of different personal reasons, I made it known that I didn’t want a bridal shower or a bachelorette; also, to make it as easy as possible on my bridesmaids, I am having them all wear their favorite little black dress. So, really, not much to do at all. Based her comments, and the fact that she was so evasive, I’m starting to feel like maybe she’s been trying to get out of being Maid/Matron of Honor for awhile now…
Her friendship means the world to me and I just want to be sure this isn’t about something I may have done to offend her. But, I feel like if I ask her that, it will sound like I’m trying to refocus the attention on me during what seems to be an incredibly difficult time for her and create a confrontation and I definitely don’t want to add to her stress!
So, that’s my first question. Do I ask her if there’s something else that’s up? If so, how do I approach it? And do I do it before the wedding or after?
Also, what’s the etiquette when something like this happens? Do I have to choose a new MOH? I love my other bridesmaids, but I just don’t feel as close to any of them as I do to my original Maid/Matron of Honor. My Fiance is having a best man, so I feel like I have to.