(Closed) MOH still hasn't given a present?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

In my area, it’s traditional that the bridal party doesn’t gift the bride. Her presence and hard work is enough. 

Besides that, I dont think you should ask at all. It’s a tad gift-grabby to be like, “hey, my wedding was last month… where’s my gift?” Just accept that she’s a terrible gift giver and move on. 

Post # 4
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’d probably mention the $250.00 and not mention no present to  you for the wedding.  Chalk it up to experience and stop being so generous to her.

Post # 5
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I love when I hear these stories. Do you ever think that maybe she is a crummy friend? I would never be friends with someone who is flakey with payments. Gift aside, if she owes your mom money from a shower in June I would more question her worth as a friend over questioning the lack of a gift.

If my Maid/Matron of Honor or any of my friends ever did that with my mom (not the gift) I wouldn’t consider them a friend. That is very disrespectful to expect others to pay your share…especially if you agreed to contribute to the shower.

Rethink the friendship…

Post # 6
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I didn’t think it was tradition for the bridal party to give gifts to the bride.  They throw the shower and bachelorette as gifts to the bride instead, in addition to being there for the bride through the wedding day.  

If she owes money to your Mother-In-Law, that’s between them to figure it out.

Post # 7
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If she has a ‘long history’ of saying gifts are in the mail why are you expecting any different?

Post # 8
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

I wouldn’t say a word about it, let  your Mother-In-Law and her hash out the cash and assume that “gift” she’s sending is in the same place all the “already sent” items go to be slowly torn apart by the ravages of time…it’s not going to happen, and bringing it up will only make it weird.

Post # 9
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m in a similar boat, with my Boyfriend or Best Friend.  She says her gift’s in the mail but I won’t hold my breath. She said the same about her thank you cards from her wedding 5 years ago.  Never came.  It’s not really the gift I care about it’s just strange that we didn’t even get a card from her and her hubby. 

I was in her wedding and spent well over $1000 dollars when all was said and done and so while for other guests I could not care less about the gift, this stood out.

I won’t ever say a word about it to her though.

ETA:  She might be having financial problems.  I have more that a few people in my circle that take nice trips, have amazing clothes and the like but can never pay their share of anything on time.  I assume because it’s cash and can’t be put on a credit card.  Not all is as it seems. 

Post # 11
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MadameTussaud:  Agreed.  I wouldn’t expect gifts from the bridal party in addtion to the (often substantial) costs they’ve already incurred to be in the Bridal Party.

Post # 12
Member
7759 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MadameTussaud:  “If she owes money to your Mother-In-Law, that’s between them to figure it out”

– the trouble is Mother-In-Law may not easily be able to contact Maid/Matron of Honor.

OP, I would let the gift go, but hassle her at every opportunity over the $250 she owes your Mother-In-Law. You’re not being a jerk for mentioning that – rather, she is being a jerk for not paying your Mother-In-Law.

Post # 13
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@paula1248:  presumably if they were able to plan a shower together, the Mother-In-Law has the MOH’s contact info. She should not use OP as a go between.

OP, let it go. This woman is your best friend. She gave you the gift of time at your rehearsal and your wedding, wore the outfit, and stood up in support of your marriage. To me, that is the best gift.

Post # 14
Member
1477 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t give me a gift either, I assume it’s never coming. In my area, people give even nicer gifts when they are in the wedding party. When she got married I got her a very nice gift, but whatever!

But the $250 she still owes?! She needs to pay that ASAP. You need to mention something about that money.

Post # 15
Member
7759 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@futuremrsfitz18:  I disagree. It’s been 3 months and Mother-In-Law is having no joy getting the money from this person she doesn’t know. It’s time for someone else to start leaning on the Maid/Matron of Honor.

Post # 16
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@domesticait:  

The Maid/Matron of Honor traditionally does not give a gift, all of her work thus far is the gift.  She should, however, pay back the other co-host of the party since that was the arrangement she agreed to.  

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