Post # 1
Please don’t attack me for being greedy!
My Maid/Matron of Honor has a long history of saying presents are in the mail and never giving them…She does very well financially, so I was a bit surprised that we didn’t recieve anything for the bridal shower or after the wedding. I always try to be very generous with her, and honestly it just hurt my feelings that she didn’t take the time to even write a card.
It’s been a month since the wedding and she keeps humblebragging about her new car, the two vacations she’s planning this winter, and how she keeps “spending like a pirate” on new clothes. I feel like there is more to this, like there is something subconcious going on.
I’d love to talk to her about this, but I don’t know how to broach the subject without putting her off or seeming like a jerk.
Awkwardly, and additionally, she and my mother in law threw me a lovely bridal shower, and split the cost. This was back in June. My Mother-In-Law has very tentatively mentioned that my Maid/Matron of Honor still owes her $250. Eek!
Any sage advice? Anyone in a similar boat?!
Post # 3
In my area, it’s traditional that the bridal party doesn’t gift the bride. Her presence and hard work is enough.
Besides that, I dont think you should ask at all. It’s a tad gift-grabby to be like, “hey, my wedding was last month… where’s my gift?” Just accept that she’s a terrible gift giver and move on.
Post # 4
I’d probably mention the $250.00 and not mention no present to you for the wedding. Chalk it up to experience and stop being so generous to her.
Post # 5
I love when I hear these stories. Do you ever think that maybe she is a crummy friend? I would never be friends with someone who is flakey with payments. Gift aside, if she owes your mom money from a shower in June I would more question her worth as a friend over questioning the lack of a gift.
If my Maid/Matron of Honor or any of my friends ever did that with my mom (not the gift) I wouldn’t consider them a friend. That is very disrespectful to expect others to pay your share…especially if you agreed to contribute to the shower.
Rethink the friendship…
Post # 6
I didn’t think it was tradition for the bridal party to give gifts to the bride. They throw the shower and bachelorette as gifts to the bride instead, in addition to being there for the bride through the wedding day.
If she owes money to your Mother-In-Law, that’s between them to figure it out.
Post # 7
If she has a ‘long history’ of saying gifts are in the mail why are you expecting any different?
Post # 8
I wouldn’t say a word about it, let your Mother-In-Law and her hash out the cash and assume that “gift” she’s sending is in the same place all the “already sent” items go to be slowly torn apart by the ravages of time…it’s not going to happen, and bringing it up will only make it weird.
Post # 9
I’m in a similar boat, with my Boyfriend or Best Friend. She says her gift’s in the mail but I won’t hold my breath. She said the same about her thank you cards from her wedding 5 years ago. Never came. It’s not really the gift I care about it’s just strange that we didn’t even get a card from her and her hubby.
I was in her wedding and spent well over $1000 dollars when all was said and done and so while for other guests I could not care less about the gift, this stood out.
I won’t ever say a word about it to her though.
ETA: She might be having financial problems. I have more that a few people in my circle that take nice trips, have amazing clothes and the like but can never pay their share of anything on time. I assume because it’s cash and can’t be put on a credit card. Not all is as it seems.
Post # 10
@NJmeetsBX: totally true and good point, most people spend outside of what they can manage
Thanks everyone, I think it wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but definitely exactly right. I’m getting over it and moving on, and letting the money thing settle itself. Money and friends and family is such a terrible combination!
Post # 11
@MadameTussaud: Agreed. I wouldn’t expect gifts from the bridal party in addtion to the (often substantial) costs they’ve already incurred to be in the Bridal Party.
Post # 12
@MadameTussaud: “If she owes money to your Mother-In-Law, that’s between them to figure it out”
– the trouble is Mother-In-Law may not easily be able to contact Maid/Matron of Honor.
OP, I would let the gift go, but hassle her at every opportunity over the $250 she owes your Mother-In-Law. You’re not being a jerk for mentioning that – rather, she is being a jerk for not paying your Mother-In-Law.
Post # 13
@paula1248: presumably if they were able to plan a shower together, the Mother-In-Law has the MOH’s contact info. She should not use OP as a go between.
OP, let it go. This woman is your best friend. She gave you the gift of time at your rehearsal and your wedding, wore the outfit, and stood up in support of your marriage. To me, that is the best gift.
Post # 14
My Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t give me a gift either, I assume it’s never coming. In my area, people give even nicer gifts when they are in the wedding party. When she got married I got her a very nice gift, but whatever!
But the $250 she still owes?! She needs to pay that ASAP. You need to mention something about that money.
Post # 15
@futuremrsfitz18: I disagree. It’s been 3 months and Mother-In-Law is having no joy getting the money from this person she doesn’t know. It’s time for someone else to start leaning on the Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 16
The Maid/Matron of Honor traditionally does not give a gift, all of her work thus far is the gift. She should, however, pay back the other co-host of the party since that was the arrangement she agreed to.