MOH stressing me out!

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee

The only place where she might have a point is the bachelorette. Your input should be extremely limited, and perhaps not everyone (including her) can afford to go to a special destination several hours away. As for all the rest, she sounds like a total drama queen. Maybe limit how much you talk about weddings with her to give her less fuel for her fire?

Post # 3
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Shut her out of the planning. Discuss nothing, except things which directly involve her: her dress, the bachelorette and the bridal shower.

I agree with PP that she has a point about the bachelorette: can your friends afford to go “a few hours away”? That’s a rather over the top bachelorette in my book (though I realise it’s becoming normal in some circles). Anyway, you can try to get someone else to plan it. But it’s not up to you to say what it is. You make requests but in the end it’s up to the girls paying for it. 

Post # 4
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

aussiemum1248 :  This exactly.  Stop telling her anything at all – it’s your wedding, do whatever you want to do and she has no right to have any input.

Post # 5
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

OH. MY. GOODNESS. She is your FSIL? So you’re marrying her brother? What a nightmare. I’m really sorry. 

You should fire her as Maid/Matron of Honor. You should. You should tell her directly that you know she doesn’t like any of your plans and that you don’t want to force her to participate in them. That’s what you should do, totally. If you don’t want to do that, here’s my other advice:

The only thing I will say in her favor (but not her defense because her attitude is unacceptable) is that if you want to choose the location of your bachelorette party, you should at least offer to pay your own way. However, maybe your other ladies already offered to pay. If this is the case, I would enlist another bridesmaid to run interference on this issue if you can. Have her contact your Maid/Matron of Honor and casually ask about the bachelorette and this and that. If the Maid/Matron of Honor pushes back, she can give her the option to opt out of the party. something like “cburger really wants to do this, but if it’s not in your budget, don’t feel pressured to participate.”

As for the other issues, if you aren’t going to fire her as Maid/Matron of Honor (do this) you need to reign her in. Is she always saying things behind your back, or does she say them to your face? who are these people who are telling you about it? Do they stand up to her? Do they tell her to chill the F out? They should. You might need to consider asking them to stop telling you about her weird freak-outs behind your back. When they tell you these things, they are piling on unnecessary stress and it’s not productive or helpful. You don’t need to know. You need to be zen. 

If she is saying things to your face, agressively or passive-agressively, you need to take her on. I would be direct and say something like “I’m trying to be excited about wedding planning, Maid/Matron of Honor. You can give constructive suggestions, but please don’t be rude.” Or, if you want to take a lighter tone, you could try somehting like “You’re raining on my parade Maid/Matron of Honor, I’m trying to get excited here,” and then just let the conversation unfold naturally. If it’s all going on behind your back, you should consider confronting her anyway. Assuming you still don’t want to fire her (you should really consider this excellent option) you can politely “give her an out” so to speak, and also let her know you know what she is saying. Just like the firing suggestion above, tell her you know she doesn’t like your plans and you don’t want to force her to participate, but instead of ending that with “so go away” or “so I think it would be better if you attended the wedding as a guest,” you end that sentence with giving her the option to bail, something like “are you sure you still want to be involved in the wedding? if you want to just come as a guest, you can.” 

But, in case my thoughts aren’t clear, I think you should fire her. 

Post # 6
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - Emerald at Queensridge

Just because she’s the Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t mean she plans the WEDDING. She plans the bachelorette party, hopefully with the input of your other bridesmaids, but other than that she doesn’t have the right to say what you do for your own wedding. Is she single? Perhaps she is jealous of your getting married. 

Post # 7
Member
4252 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

beckybee787 :  This is literally the worst advice.  OP don’t do this.  She should “fire” her maid of honor who is also going to be her sister in law????  Talk about starting off on the wrong foot……good grief.

Post # 9
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee

cburger : Maybe she didn’t get her dream wedding and yours is what she would have preferred so now she’s freaking out?

Why exactly is it a problem if she drops out of the wedding? It seems she’s doing more harm than good.
Also, how exactly could she make your life a living hell? You just tell the brat to shut the f*ck up, remind her it’s not her wedding and move on.

You’re stressing about this way too much. Her unwanted opinions should just be ignored. Don’t let her get to you. Stand up for yourself.

Post # 10
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

ljm308 : Wedding planning is stressful and hard. Dragging around a screaming child of a Maid/Matron of Honor is not going to make things easier, and it’s totally unnecessary. Yes, I think she should fire her. Snarky anger aside, my suggestion was to say “I know you’re not really into any of my plans so I think it would best if you came as a guest.” Or something to that affect. Obviously, yeah, that’s not a great place to be, but OP didnt’ start this mess. There is no reason to feel obligated to include someone in your wedding party who is completely cruel. No one should ever feel that way. 

That being said, I knew she probably wasn’t going to do that and included 3 full paragraphs of other things to do to make it easier. Good grief, indeed. 

Post # 11
Member
4252 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

beckybee787 :  That type of decision would negatively affect her relationship with her friend/sister in law.  I guarantee it.  Would things be easier if she was “fired”?  Maybe with planning, but what about the next 50 years?  You wouldn’t think something like that would affect the rest of her life, but it just might.

Post # 12
Member
8447 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

sarahrivka : 

Did you not  read the OP?  Her SIL  is already married,  in fact  OP was her Maid/Matron of Honor. 

And in any case,  I do wish women would not  assume a single woman  is somehow naturally likely to be jealous of a married or soon to be married one. Its  both juvenile and outdated !

Post # 13
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - Emerald at Queensridge

elderbee :  Sorry, didn’t remember that part of the post. I am human you know. And many single girls are jealous of people in relationships, especially when it comes time to plan weddings. Have you ever read posts on here? Girls post about being jealous of their friends ALL THE TIME. Good grief. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors