Post # 1
Hi Bees, I’d like some advice. My fiance propsed in November and I immediately asked my friend to be Maid/Matron of Honor. We’ve been friends since high school and she’s been in several weddings in the last few years (in fact we were both bridesmaids for another friend last summer). We often joke about how busy we are and have to schedule times to hang out weeks in advance (I’m in grad school and she’s a social butterfly). She just got engaged over the weekend and they’re hoping to find a venue and date for this June, although nothing is confirmed yet while they’re looking for venues as they may not find anything. My concern is they plan to take a month-long honeymoon in Europe, which depending on the wedding date, would bring her back to the country just a few weeks before my wedding. I understand that her time will now be focused on her own wedding and planning in such a short time frame, then being out of communication while in Europe. Should I ask if she wants to step down, or assume she’s ok staying as my Maid/Matron of Honor since she hasn’t said anything? I have two other bridesmaids for my August wedding if that matters. I still want her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, but I don’t want to pressure her. <br /><br />Also, when do I start calling her matron of honor rather than maid of honor – is this after her actual wedding?
Post # 2
Matron is after her wedding.
I would not ask her if she wants to step down, even if she can’t help that much I assume that you still want her standing next to you on this highly important day. Just leave it, keep her as Maid/Matron of Honor but lower your expectations for how much work she will be able to put into your wedding.
Post # 3
livcurious: What exactly are you expecting her to do in that time period that would be disrupted by her own wedding or honeymoon?
Post # 4
livcurious: I’m so confused. Why do you think she would want to “step down?”
Post # 5
livcurious: I dont see how her honeymoon would interfere with your wedding, if there are a weeks in between. Also nothing is et in stone, so I wouldnt worry about it. Booking a trip last min, for a month long…. seems a bit unfeasible. I mean it could happen, but its unlikely she will be able to work out the logistics of a wedding and month long honeymoon (unless their self employed and/or very wealthy).
Post # 6
First – do you know that they’re taking their honeymoon right after the wedding. We did an almost 4 week honeymoon and decided to do it two months after the wedding.
Second – I think it will be fine if she has her wedding and honeymoon in that timeframe. As long as she’s back in time for the rehearsal, it’s fine! Obviously, if you were planning to have her help with DIY or something during that time period, that’s not going to happen, but you’ve got time so you should be able to plan without needing much of a time commitment from her prior to the day of the rehearsal!
Post # 7
Are you worried she will be too busy to plan/help plan your pre-wedding parties? AKA shower and bachelorette?
Those are the the only reasons I can think of that might make her MOH-dom a little logistically difficult. Otherwise, she just needs to be available the weekend of your wedding; there’s really not much else she’s REQUIRED to be there for in the weeks up to your wedding.
Post # 8
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
livcurious: Yes, Matron is after she is married.
What do you think you’ll be pressuring her with? The only thing she needs to do is get the dress and be there on your wedding day.
Also have to mention, I’m so jelly of people that take MONTH LONG HMs!!!
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2014 - The Meeting House/DoubleTree by Hilton
livcurious: Matron comes after the wedding!
I wouldn’t ask her to step down, but tell her that you understand if she’s busy or feeling overwhelmed and ask her to just let you know if that’s the case (so that maybe the bridesmaids can step up a little). I was a bridesmaid when the Maid/Matron of Honor ended up moving out of the country and being really hard to reach – she still wanted to be the Maid/Matron of Honor, but leaned on the 3 bridesmaids a little more than usual for the bachelorette party and the bridal shower (which I think was totally fine with all of us). I would just be understand if she’s busy and know that as excited as she is to get married, she is also very excited to be your MOH! Don’t take that away from her unless she initiates the conversation.
Post # 10
livcurious: I would not ask her to step down. I don’t see any reason to and I think she’d be really really upset by it. She can easily plan your Bachelorette party for a month before her wedding, if that is what you are so concerned about. What else were you planning to ask her to do? See if your other bridesmaids will step up and help (though I am 4 months out from my wedding and I’ve asked my bridesmaids to do nothing other than order their dresses and don’t really plan to!).
Post # 11
@Everdeen – Thanks, I’m not planning any major DIY projects and haven’t asked for help, although she is my sounding board for ideas. Conseequently I’m not really worried about removing tasks from her plate. The only thing that may be impacted is we had already started talking about bachelorette party and now I’m not sure if she’ll be back in time, but my other bridesmaids can help plan if needed.
@JenGirl – they would take their honeymoon immediately after (some later schedule restrictions)
<br />I guess I was looking for reassurance that it wasn’t too much for her to handle, which it sounds like it won’t be based on the feeback. When I thought about planning a wedding in 4 months, being gone for month-long honeymoon and then returning to work full time it would be stressful to then be a Maid/Matron of Honor shortly after, but I think because I’m not doing a lot of DIY and there aren’t many requests prior to the actual wedding weekend it’ll be ok.<br /><br />
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