Post # 1
My maid of honor has been MORE than upfront with me when it comes to toasting/public speaking – she is very uncomfortable with it. She asked that I not require her to give a speech for us at our reception. I really am ok with it, I completely understand that not everyone is comfortable with this. Now, my finace’s best man will toast us, so it would be kind of nice if one of the girls would toast on my behalf don’t you think? Is it out of line for me to ask another bridesmaid (most likely a family member, i have 3 cousins standing up) if they would like to do the toast instead? My Maid/Matron of Honor is not at all offended by this, but I’m just torn between having NO ONE do it and having another bridesmaid do it. My dad will also be giving a toast, so it’s not like i have NO representation at all. So should i ask another bridesmaid – or just ditch the idea all together??
Post # 3
my sister was kind of the same way so she gave a speech at the rehearsal dinner instead – less people, mostly family so she felt fine. she did get up and say something at the wedding but it was quick and more of a congrats than the mushy stuff the night before.
i would ask another Bridesmaid or Best Man to do it, if you have one that would be comfortable with standing up and speaking.
Post # 4
I’ll repeat for you what our wedding planner said to our best man, who hates public speaking: toast =/= speech. Would she be okay with just a short, two-sentence toast?
All she really needs to say is something like, “nbencze and nbencze’s Fiance, I’m so glad to be able to share in your special day, and I wish you all the happiness in the world. To the newlyweds!”
Just a thought before you go out of your head trying to choose someone else. But if she absolutely cannot bring herself to say even just a few words, then I would just keep the toasts to your dad and the best man and not worry about finding a replacement toaster for your Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 5
I think you should definitely ask another bridesmaid to toast. I would think it was weird that none of your friends toasted you while the best man did. Since the Maid/Matron of Honor is fine with this I really don’t see the dilema at all. Asking someone else seems like the natural choice.
Post # 6
I would ask another Bridesmaid or Best Man
Post # 7
Maid/Matron of Honor toast is a new tradition and not one that all people do. I don’t think you need to delegate someone else to do it unless its somebody that you have that same sentiment with and think it would be really special. Personally, if my Maid/Matron of Honor wasn’t comfortable, I wouldn’t choose someone else because although they are my best friends, people I’ve known for 10-18 years, people I could go to for anything and tell anything to, I don’t have that same ultra close relationship with them like I do with my Maid/Matron of Honor. Do you know what I mean? So you really have a choice here.
Post # 8
I believe it is more than okay to ask another Bridesmaid or Best Man. I know the last wedding I was in, I ended up making the speech because the Maid/Matron of Honor felt the same way.
Post # 9
At a wedding I attended recently, the Maid/Matron of Honor was the bride’s teenaged sister, and while she did give a short speech, you could tell she wasn’t really comfortable speaking and she was only making a speech because it was a formality. Another bridesmaid, a friend of the bride, gave a subsequent toast, that I considered to be the “real” toast. I don’t think anyone would think it was weird.
Post # 10
@nbencze: Thanks everyone I feel a lot better reading all of your replies! I am not sure what i’ll do yet, but I honestly feel 100% comfortable going either way with this right now. No longer a stress, I’ll just see what happens. Sometimes it’s good just to put it out there and hear what other people think.
Post # 11
I hate public speaking, as does my sister/MOH so I was happy to tell her she didn’t have to give a speech b/c that means I won’t have to do it at her wedding! We ended up just having the best man speech, and I was fine with that. I think either way would be fine.
Post # 12
I think it would be totally fine to ask another Bridesmaid or Best Man to do it. My man’s brother did a speech, and while it was cute and sweet he didn’t really say much about me. Having someone on your side saying things will help to keep things even and no one will be forgotten 🙂
Post # 13
I think it’s totally fine to ask another bridesmaid. Fiance was actually going to ask his brother to be his best man, but he didn’t feel comfortable with speaking in public or having such a prominent role in the wedding. So he actually made his best friend the best man, and his brother is just a groomsman. I probably would’ve stuck with my bro and just had the best friend do the speech, but my point is that if you clear it with all parties, then I think you can do whatever you want!