Post # 1
Hi fellow bees!!
I’m newly engaged and haven’t yet picked my bridal party. I have a small group of close girls that I know I’m going to ask, but the one friend whom I always imagined being Maid/Matron of Honor is going through a lot right now in her personal life and isn’t sure how much time she can spend helping me with the wedding. I’m kinda taking that as she doesn’t want me to ask her to be Maid/Matron of Honor..but i also don’t want to NOT ask and have her upset… I just don’t know how else to do this.
Another friend is growing more and more bitter everyday that her Boyfriend or Best Friend has not yet proposed to her so she is not into my wedding at all..
I have 1 friend who is super awesome and being excited with me…
And then I have a cousin in FL who I want to ask to be in the wedding as we were like sisters growing up…but she is also in FL, and I am in New England..so it’s kinda of far for her to be Maid/Matron of Honor..
HELP! what should I do???
Post # 3
I think your best bet is to start by talking to the friend that you had envisioned as your Maid/Matron of Honor. Be open with her, and let her know how you are feeling. If she declines, then I would pick either your super awesome friend who is excited (because you want your Maid/Matron of Honor to be just as excited as you are!!!) or your cousin, whichever best works for you! Good luck!
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
It’s too early to select your wedding oarty anyway, so there is no need to worry quite yet. Wait until you are about 9 months from your date, see where things are, and decide at that time.
By The Way… distance has no relevance to who you choose as your Maid/Matron of Honor. And if you can’t choose, you don;t have to. There is no law that says you MUST have a designated Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 5
@EmmiJeanne: my one major piece of advice i am giving newly-engaged brides is to wait to pick your bridal party. wait until the 1 year mark, at least, if not later. people change QUICKLY once you’re engaged, and you’ll want to see how people react to your engagement. i picked mine right away in excitement, and i should have waited – i may still have the same girls, but i would definitely have a different Maid/Matron of Honor.
FYI, distance shouldn’t matter. your excited friend will still be excited if she’s really happy for you and not for herself, whether she’s Maid/Matron of Honor or not. i picked someone close for closeness’s sake, and i shouldn’t have. she’s less supportive now than my sister who is 700 miles away. just food for thought. 🙂
Post # 7
Thank you!! I’ll hold off on asking..we’re getting married next June so I have 14 months. If my friend declines the Maid/Matron of Honor role, then I will probably have to decide between my happy friend and my cousin..
Post # 8
So what is really expected of my Maid/Matron of Honor if I choose my cousin who is far away?
Post # 9
Hey, OP: You’re the one who gets to set the expectations for your Maid/Matron of Honor. 🙂
What do you think will you want your Maid/Matron of Honor to do? Some women want their Maid/Matron of Honor to organize showers, organize a bachelorette, help them do craft projects, go shopping with them for their dresses and your dresses, set up on the day, etc, and generally be “second in command” for the whole wedding planning process. Other people basically ask their MOHs and bridesmaids to buy a dress and show up on the day. It’s your call, but it’s a good idea to spend some time thinking about how involved you expect them to be, and how personality, finances, distance, and general life stuff may affect what people can realistically do.
Post # 10
@EmmiJeanne: i would wait about 6 months before asking anyone to be in your party. it will give you some time to think about your decision and to see how your friends act around you now that you are engaged.
Post # 11
OK wedding bees…so I had decided in my mind that I would pick my excited friend to be Maid/Matron of Honor..I have all confidence in her that she can plan things, take care of little details on the wedding day..and be actively involved in helping me find bridesmaids dresses, etc.
THEN..yesterday my friend whom I had originally thought would be Maid/Matron of Honor who told me she didn’t think she had time to be involved COMPLETELY changed her tune. She asked if there was anything I needed help with, that she will have more time coming up to help out (she is in nursing school) and I asked her if she was sure because she told me she wasn’t going to have the time. She replied yes, that she wants to be involved as much as she can and if it got to be too much then she’d let me know.
I’m back to being confused..
Post # 12
@mypinkshoes: you are sooooo right. I wish I had thought more about my bridal party before selecting its members…..
I would really sit back and look at everyone you are considering. Then also look at what you think you will be expecting from the bridal party (shower, bachelorette party, dress shopping, etc). I would pick the people that will be able to fulfill your wishes with kindness and happiness.
Post # 13
my Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister who currently lives in another province, has a 10 month old and is currently unemployed. I don’t expect much of anything from her except for her to host a shower for me when I go home (and I’ve been very clear I don’t want anything formal or fancy). She was worried at first because she’s a Bridesmaid or Best Man in another wedding (not for more than 2 years…the bride is a little over excited) and that party & the bride have super high expectations.