- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
Sorry this is so long!
Wow I never thought I would be posting this…but I just don’t know what to do anymore and I need some advice.
My best friend is my Maid/Matron of Honor. She has been my best friend since we met my Sophomore year in college (10 years ago). We have been through so much together, and have always had a very strong friendship.
She has been with her boyfriend (who I set her up with) for 6.5 years. I would say that out of my whole group of friends, she is the one who has always wanted to get married the most…well at least have the actual wedding part the most. She has been planning her wedding since I met her (whereas I wouldn’t even pick up a bridal magazine or visit a website until I was engaged). Well she has been waiting for years now, and still no ring. They have a lot of complicating factors, including distance.
When I got engaged I didn’t tell anyone except my parents for a few days because I was terrified about telling my best friend. I was so afraid of what her reaction would be, especially since she has been with her Boyfriend or Best Friend so much longer than I have been with Fiance. I was so afraid of hurting her that I called her Boyfriend or Best Friend first and talked with him about it. He said he thought she would be fine, and that I needed to tell her of course, because she was my best friend. I drove the hour to her house and told her. She cried, but congratulated me and told me she was happy for me. She then welcomed Fiance “to the family.”
For a little while, things were ok. She was talking to me about wedding planning, and sending me ideas. (She was the Maid/Matron of Honor in our other friends wedding the year before and did an amazing job planning that one since our other friend who was getting married really wasn’t into the planning or the wedding thing)
I tried SO hard not to talk about being engaged, or wedding planning much unless I had a specific question that I needed to ask her. Well things just kept getting worse. She emailed me in July about a September Bridal show that she thought we could go to which I thought was great and told her I would love to go.
When September rolled around she mentioned to me in passing when we were out with our friends that she was going to that same bridal show with a friend from work that recently got engaged but that if I went to let her know and maybe we could meet up. I was a little sad about that, but tried to let it roll off. My other friend (also a bridesmaid) quickly piped up and said she’d love to go with me so we made plans. When I was driving down to pick up my other friend, Maid/Matron of Honor texted me and asked if I could give her a ride there to meet her other friend. That just added salt to the wound for me, but I was nice, picked her up, and acted like it was no big deal, and just tried to be happy. When we got to the show she ran off to catch up with her friend, and was painfully obvious about how much more excited she was about this friend’s wedding. My other friend finally just turned to me and was like “what is up with that?” Honestly, I have no idea.
Last weekend I went shopping for wedding invitations with my mother and a few of my bridesmaids. I invited Maid/Matron of Honor because I felt like I should and definitely didn’t want to leave her out of anything. She came, but she stood up away from the table where the invitation books were and had her arms folded most of the time. She didn’t make any comments, or look at any books, and was in an extremely bad mood. My mom was shocked and so were my other friends. By the way, I should mention that my other friend who has been outstanding is having a lot of difficulty with dating right now and is dying to get married but is still sweet and happy and supportive of me which I appreciate so much.
This past weekend was my engagement party and Maid/Matron of Honor came up with my other bridesmaid and her Boyfriend or Best Friend. She stood in the corner for the first two hours with her Boyfriend or Best Friend and refused to talk to anyone. She barely smiled, and I had people who didn’t even know her coming up to ask me what was wrong. It was awful.
Yesterday I received a Facebook message from Maid/Matron of Honor asking where the hostess of my party got one of the decorations (a wedding cake made out of towels) that she had at the party for me because she wanted to get one for her friend from work who is getting married and having a party next weekend. I just wrote back and said that I would ask but I was kind of short.
I don’t know why she is so excited about being part of this other friend’s wedding (who she has only known for a couple years) but her best friend for ten years she will barely give the time of day. I am trying not to be whiny about it, but it is really starting to hurt my feelings and I don’t know what to do. My nature is to ignore it because I hate conflict, but I don’t want it to build up and then have me blow up at her either.
I know what it is like to be waiting. My last relationship was 7 years long (and I really thought he was the man I was going to marry) and we broke up two days before my other good friend got engaged. I still put on a brave face and was happy for her and excited about being in her wedding. I just want my Maid/Matron of Honor to be pleasant. She doesn’t have to be extremely excited, but just not in a bad mood all the time.
What should I do Bees? How should I handle this without making the situation worse???