(Closed) MOH troubles – Please Help!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I would say you need to be very direct with people like that. Whenever she brings it up, flat out say “that’s not what we want honestly, but I think that would really be great for your wedding!” and keep emphasising whenever she makes these suggestions that they would be suited to her and her wedding but not yours.

You need to be realitvely direct in saying that you value her input but you have different views for how you would like your wedding and since you are the bride(s) she should respect you and your choices.

If she gets all hurt honestly I weould bring up how hurt you were that she told you you needed to lose weight, that will keep her quiet.

Post # 3
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

You just need to be straight with and say that you love that one of her best qualities is that she tells it like it is so you hope she respects that you want to take a leaf out of her book when you say you need to stop with the opinions because it is really testing your friendship and you would hate it if her desire to plan her ideal wedding for you over supporting you whilst you plan your wedding makes you pull away. Emphasise how much you want to go through this with her by your side but right now she is making that impossible.

Post # 5
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

_HappyG_:  As your Maid/Matron of Honor, and Boyfriend or Best Friend no less, she is supposed to support you. I personally don’t keep relationships with people that selfish for this reason: when you need them, they’re usually too self involved to  actually be there for you like you would be for them.

I honestly think you should tell her flat out, no matter how rude you might think you will seem, that you want your wedding a different way, and you’re sick of her not supporting your choices, acting like a child and not being a good Maid/Matron of Honor, and if she continues this then you will have to get someone else to step us as Maid/Matron of Honor. The Maid/Matron of Honor is the brides main support, she shouldn’t be your biggest concern.

 

Post # 6
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Alo you are not being a bridezilla at all. You have tried reasoning with her and she keeps pushing, so it is time to stand up for your dream day. If she will have a fit over this or threaten the friendship, you have to ask how good of a friend she really is…

Post # 8
Member
2713 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

She can’t book things for you – so my advice is that you should quietly continue doing what you want for this wedding.  Book a venue – then when she starts off about the skyscraper again, you can say “nice idea but we’ve already got a venue locked in and paid a deposit.” If she’s telling you what kind of dress you should get, don’t take her dress shopping, and get the dress you want! Bridesmaid dresses I will admit will be more difficult but maybe there’s a compromise to be found somewhere there.  She can only be as involved as you let her be and if she’s being so difficult, just don’t involve her.  If it ends with her chucking a hissy fit then you may have to let her go.

Post # 9
Member
3244 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Nooooo, don’t halt your plans!!! For a woman whose only job is to support you on your special day!! This is a wedding of two yes? Seriously, stop being a doormat for all of her hysteria and selfishness. This punishes you but it also punishes your fiancee. Now, it is your job, since she is your friend, to stand up for your fiancee. I mean this kindly but I am going to say it harshly. If I was your soon to be wife I would be feeling crushed, confused and let down that you were allowing our day to be ruled and wrecked by an immature little brat who has no bearing on our marriage. I would feel like by putting her first out of fear, you were putting me last on the most important day of my life. It would really concern me looking into a future. Do you understand? 

Now, this woman may chuck a strop, she may chuck ten but you DO NOT reward bad behaviour, neither do you make excuses for it! Hear me? Stop, stop, stop giving into the madness to avoid an uncomfortable exchange. Part of being a grown up is uncomfortable episodes that teach us how to stand up for ourselves and those we adore. Your fiancee needs you right now. She needs to know that you will put her first. You need to put her first. Stop letting the bully win. Your partner will be watching to see how you handle this one, trust me.

Post # 10
Member
1214 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Her job is to support you and your fi. If she doesn’t like what the two of you are envisioning, then it’s time for her to take a hike. Haha. But really, it sounds like you have an easy going, type b personality. Which totally makes sense for her to be such a good friend! Opposites attract. If you aren’t a fan of confrontation, stop talking about the wedding with her right now. When she brings it up, say something like, “My fi and I have not decided on that quite yet, but when we do, you’ll be the first to know.” Then try your best to change the subject. Once you put deposits down, there won’t be much she can argue with. As far as her dress color and style goes, that is going to be tough. Maybe she would be willing to compromise with a deep v style neckline that still has a flowy skirt in the color that you want. Ultimately, what she wears is up to you and your fi. 

Post # 11
Member
7418 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Why is she so involved with the planning anyway? Your wedding = you do the planning. Stop asking her for opinions. Don’t tell her about any of what you’re working on till the decisions have been made. 

Post # 13
Member
532 posts
Busy bee

 

_HappyG_:  My sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor. She has tried to push what she wants into my wedding. I never say no and I am sadly someone who gets taken advantage of and allow people to walk all over me (its a horrible flaw I do not know how to fix). When it comes to my wedding, “If you don’t like it… don’t be in it (or don’t attend it). Is said more often than I would like. I know my Fiance fam wished we got married in a church. It’s not us so No. Its our Day. It’s not theirs or hers. <br />So same with you. Its not ur BFFs day… its yours. You need to put her in  her place. It sucks but otherwise you will regret not having the way you want your wedding to be. Good luck.

Post # 14
Member
2713 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

_HappyG_:  I’m pretty sure you could have caused a whole lot of trouble for the bridal store that kicked you out because while same sex marriage isn’t yet legal, I don’t think they can discriminate against you like that…have you thought about going over to New Zealand to get married as it’s legal there? (Assuming you’re in Australia?).

Post # 15
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee

Plain and simple….tell her to but the “F” out! It is YOURS and YOUR Fiancees day, NOT HERS!

I wish you both the best of luck!

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