(Closed) MOH Troubles, sorry so long!

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

ummmm…yeah.  i think you are being a bit selfish.  id be kinda peeved at MOHs boyfriend becuase he had to know that shes been planning this weekend for months…that being said, she still plans to come for most of the party.  everything cant be about you, even if you are the bride. for her, backstage passes to see her favorite band could be the equivalent of a once in a lifetime event.

make the best of the day or so that she will be there and try not to pout or make her feel bad for leaving.  i definitely wouldnt confront her, given all the work she has put into being your Bridesmaid or Best Man.

Post # 5
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I’m sorry you are upset.  But in my opinion, it sounds like she is doing the best she can to compromise.  Her boyfriend probably already paid for the tickets and, as you said, it was a surprise present for her.  Its not like she went out and intentionally made these plans for the same weekend.  I think its great that she took the time to plan an amazing bachelorette party for you.  Enjoy the time with her while she’s there, and try to understand that she really is probably trying to find the best middle ground for everyone here.  Your other girlfriends will be there when she leaves so my advice is to focus on who will be there with you rather than who had to cut her trip short!  Good Luck!

Post # 6
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I think you should be happy she planned as much as she did and she’s trying to accomodate you as best as possible.  You should be happy for her.  Yes your wedding is about you, but not everything is about you.  These are a birthday present from the man she loves for a band she loves.  Would you really want to take that away from her?

Post # 7
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Hmmm…I feel for your disappointment.  I think my gut is saying to gut her some slack.  It sounds like despite her history of flakiness, she’s actually done a good job as Maid/Matron of Honor.  The only thing about this situation that is flaky is, perhaps that she didn’t give her boyfriend advance notice that she would be Out of Town that weekend.  Other than that it sounds like it was an unfortunate coincidence.  I think she is actually doing the best she can to try to please everyone.  It’s really not fair for her to disappoint her to her boyfriend, after he made such a sweet gesture.  (You wouldn’t want him to feel discouraged from trying something sweet again.)  But she is still going to be in PS with you at some point.  She is probably also feeling like there will be others down there, so that you will still have a good time, even if she isn’t there the whole time.

Of course, I’ll disclose that I think bachelor/ette parties can sometimes get out of hand.  I’m not one to really be in favor of a big weekend long event that’s like a mini-vacation.  (If I was  Bridesmaid or Best Man, I probably wouldn’t particiapte based on cost and time commitment.)  It sounds like fun and all.  But the bigger the event, the more likely it is that you’ll run into snags, like this.

It’s understandable for you to feel disappointment.  But I think if  she could have made the decisions here, she would have just gone to PS. 

Have fun in PS!

Post # 8
773 posts
Busy bee

I’d probably be kind of peeved at the boyfriend, but seriously, i’d definitely choose backstage passes to see my favorite band over literally anything (except maybe my wedding day).  I wouldn’t hold it against your friend, but I think it’s ok to be annoyed that her bf couldn’t pick a better time.  He probably wasn’t even thinking.

Post # 9
108 posts
Blushing bee

Yikes!  Please know that feeling sad or disappointed about this situation is perfectly understandable.  You chose her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor for a reason (value her friendship), and of course you would want her there to share in the fun.  But importantly, please don’t be so angry since it seems she is trying to make the best of an impossible situation.  Apart wanting to see the band perform, also imagine the dynamics going on in her own relationship— even though the timing was very thoughtless, I’m sure her Boyfriend or Best Friend was extremely excited to score great tickets, spent a ton of money and will feel dejected/hurt if she turns him down.  If your Fiance when through so much trouble to surprise you, could you easily turn him down?  Importantly, it sounds as if your Maid/Matron of Honor is taking her job seriously.  By still flying in and spending as much time as possible, it sounds like she is a good friend.  Allow yourself to deal with your hurt feelings and then try to make the best of an awesome celebration!

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