Post # 1
I am getting married in 3 short weeks. My one and only bridesmaid, childhood friend, and maid of honor just texted me last night that due to an unforseen conflict she may be unable to attend my wedding weekend. Without giving to much information away she is in the RESERVE ARMED FORCES. And her conflict has to do with that.
I know she made a commitement with the armed forces but seriously she’s going to miss my wedding, if she cannot convince superiors to let her out of said obligation (it’s training related, not deployment, so there may be a chance).
When I informed my mother of this, she couldn’t understand why i was upset, because apparently that’s not an important part of the wedding, and only the actual marriage is important and I shouldn’t worry about it. I understand it’s not important as the actual wedding, but I think I still have the right to be upset that my best friend will not be there to support me on my big day.
Thoughts opinions feedback appreciated
Post # 2
CG4268: Of course you would be upset at the thought that she can’t make it!
Sometimes people try to minimize something in order to help you not be so upset,like your Mom. I’m sure that she actually does realize how upsetting this is for you, but was just trying to help.
Here’s hoping she can make it!
Post # 3
I’m so sorry your best friend may not be there, and that your mother isn’t more understanding. Best of luck!
Post # 4
CG4268: I’m so sorry you’re going through this! It really does suck but I think all you can do is hope for the best and know that your best friend feels terrible that she might not be able to be there, but she can’t screw up her life to change that, and at the very least she will be there in spirit, because trust me she will be thinking of you constantly. If you’re not able to contact her I’m sure you can at least agree on a minute of the day or night to think of eachother and share the love.
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse
CG4268: You have the right to be upset. That’s true, but this is your friends career and your mother is right – whether or not she is there, you will still be married.
FI’s best friend my not be at our wedding either, he’s the best man and is being sent for training across the country. His career takes precedence over one day in our lives and while it’s sad he might not be there I’d hate to have him jeopardize the rest of his life/career by missing his mandatory training. If he can’t make it, we aren’t replacing him – he’s irreplacable in our lives but we will be happy for him in making good life decisions working towards a new career.
It sucks, I get it but I bet she feels terrible too.
Post # 6
CG4268: I feel for you and understand why you’re hurt, but that’s a situation that she cannot just get out of. There is no convincing superiors to let her out of her obligation.
If it makes you feel any better at all, my FI’s best man backed out 6 months into planning (about 6 months out from the wedding date) simply because his wife doesn’t want to fly the two hours or drive the 15 hours to the wedding. He won’t come without her, so the one person my Fiance wanted standing next to him chose not to come though he very well could have. We offered to pay for everything.
Sometimes there’s not much you can do in these situations. I’m sorry 🙁
Post # 7
Aww I’m so sorry to hear that! Is there any possible way she can show up for some of it? I mean she’s the maid of honor, you kind of planned on her being there and now she can’t be there? Who would stand in for her?
Post # 8
CG4268: Unfortunately she signed a contract and it really isn’t a choice. If her CO won’t let her out of the training, she is stuck. Once you sign on the dotted line, you give up your freedom of choice. It sucks for you, but it’s not like she has a choice in the matter.
People in the armed forces miss all sorts of things. I was a Navy Nurse and worked in the baby ward. I cannot tell you how many marines and sailors miss the births of their OWN kids. Birthdays, weddings, holidays. You name it, and our service members sacrifice attending to protect us. Give her a big hug, thank her for her service, and hope for th best.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
Fiance is in the reserves. If it’s anything like the NG, the schedules for drills go out way in advance. FI has never had last minute (within 3 weeks) notice for drill.
Anyways – apples to oranges between NG and Army Reserves – but for the NG we were told that for special circumstances Fiance could make up drill weekends if he gave enough notice that he had an important conflict. Fingers crossed that her superiors will allow her to make this up some other time.
Post # 10
I also wanted to note that the reason that this is extremely upsetting, is that she just was married in July and shortly after my wedding she will be moving with her New Husband to Germany– and I dont know when I will be able to see her after that.
Post # 11
LMD: It is for Drills and they only give the schedule for the next drill— at the current drill. I’m hoping they understand the importance of the obligation. It’s not like she has to go anywhere, and I know for a fact she has never missed a drill in her the last 5 years
Post # 12
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Awww, that’s a brutal disappointment and of course you’re upset! Add me to the group of finger crossers!!! I so hope they let her off!
Post # 13
I’m sorry to hear that! I hope she can work something out and is able to still come
And I agree with julies1949: about your mom’s reaction. My mom can be the same way about things, and I think it’s just because she’s trying to keep a level head for me. My sister almost didn’t make it to my bachelorette party (that I had planned around her!) and my mom tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal.
Post # 14
LMD: My co-worker is a marine reservist, and it doesn’t seem like he gets all that much notice. He knows his drill weekend, but it seems like the 2 week training in the summer is a bit more random.
I know this is hard. I am sure it is hard for her too. Having been in the military myself, I can tell you it sucks when you have to miss out on things.
Post # 15
I totally understand that it’s a huge disappointment, but do try to keep in mind that your friend probably feels awful to miss your wedding too, and try not to make her feel any worse than she already does. This isn’t a part-time retail gig at the local mall we’re talking about; it’s the US Military, who isn’t exactly known for being flexible and understanding. Maybe she has an easy way to get excused from the drill, or maybe it’s a beauroctratic mess; either way, just accept that sometimes in life we don’t get what we really want, no matter how much we deserve it, and try to handle your disappointment as graciously as possible.