(Closed) MOH Upstaging Me…

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@sbottiani:  YOU are the bride: NO ONE can upstage you. She’s just going to look foolish.

Post # 4
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Would she be offended if you said something to her? I would just say to her very nicely that you think all of the jewlery and bright lipstick might be a little too much. :/

Post # 5
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

You’re the bride and the star of the day.  Your Maid/Matron of Honor can’t come close to upstaging you, and if she tries she’s going to look like a fool.  You may want to warn her in advance that she’ll come off as looking jealous and petty if she tries to outshine the bride.  😉

Post # 6
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You did what every good bride does… giving her Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids freedom to choose dresses they’ll feel comfortable in.  Maybe your sister doesn’t feel she’s trying to upstage you.  If you are uncomfortable with the color of the dress she has chosen (not sure how sexy the dress is), then you should speak to her to address your concerns.  It’s your special day and nobody should be upstaging you, but at the same time, you want your wedding party to look fabulous and compliment you and your husband-to-be.  Black nail polish and red lipstick is not a big deal (personal preference), but wearing flashy jewelry while you’re in the wedding party is a bit tacky.  The women should look classy sexy not slutty sexy.

Post # 8
Member
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

Grace always outdoes flashiness. 🙂

I’m sorry you have to deal with this in your maid of honor. I have someone in my life who I know would do this (she’s very insecure), so I’ve already decided that if I have a wedding party, she’s not in it. It won’t be a burlesque-attire appropriate occasion! :p And I couldn’t make much of a dent by talking to her about it first… past experience tells me she would fight tooth and nail to be inappropriate and to try to take center stage (in actions too).

In your case I would suggest telling her you actually do mind if she wears (be specific) and prefer she would wear (specific range of alternatives) instead.

Post # 9
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you should communicate your expectations to her. Or, if you’re not into confrontation, you can do it subtly like this:

Before your big day, as a “gift” to them, maybe provide them with a lipstick, nail polish, and a simple pendant necklace. You can attach a note that says something like, “Thank you for taking part in my big day! Here are some extras to complete your look!”

Post # 11
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

I never felt prettier on my wedding day (and believe me – I had probably one of the best looking group of women including my gorgeous sister standing beside me. If you don’t believe me…check out my recap!!) Haha..brides are so radiant and happy…they GLOW. No amount of make-up or sparkly jewelry is going to take away from you that day. Promise!

Post # 12
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@sbottiani:  Don’t think of it as “plain,” think of it as “understated,” “classy” and “elegant.”  🙂

Post # 13
Member
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

@Sunfire:  +1! 

 …but OP, put your foot down! Don’t let her walk all over you on your wedding day. For me, I still wouldn’t like the garishness in the wedding party photos, and the embarrassment of it all, having the Maid/Matron of Honor look so insecure as to try to outshine the bride on her wedding. it would be bad vibes and a bad memory. Just say no to the OTT bling!

Post # 15
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Honestly, if it bothers you, why don’t you just ask her if she can please keep the jewelry simple? It’s not a crazy request. Just say you think the contrast might look weird in pictures.

Post # 16
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

You are the bride you won’t be upstaged, all eyes on you for your day!…My Maid/Matron of Honor was my best friend and she wore nice jewlery, hair pieces, and beautiful shoes, and like you I picked out the dresses, but left it up to my bridesmaids to style themselves however they wanted, and they did, she looked beautiful, but no one thought she upstaged me.

 

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