(Closed) MOH vent..this is long

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2415 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think you are right ending the friendship. Talking behind your back isn’t old and not very Maid/Matron of Honor like. I think you are better off finding someone new.

Post # 4
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Was she like this before her breakup?

First off, I think you are totally in the right if you want to step out of this friendship. I think you SHOULD if she is like this all the time.

But something struck me, when you said she’s like a zombie. Do you think she is going through major depression? Not like, oh, I’m sad, me and my boyfriend broke up. But possibly clinical depression?

If so, it might be time for a heart to heart. It would be a shame to lose what was otherwise a great friendship if she’s having depression issues and can move out of them in the future. But if she’s always like this… well, see ya.

But you would not be wrong to move away from this friendship, no matter what the reason. I just wanted to present the idea that I wonder if she’s struggling more than she lets on. Does she go out and do social things? Is her work going well? Etc.

Post # 5
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

View original reply
@NAvery:  I totally agree with this.

A heart-to-heart before totally dumping her is a good idea. Of course, if nothing comes of that you aren’t wrong to cross her off the friend list.

Post # 6
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Sounds like a long-time friend, if this is unusual behaviour for her I would have a heart-to-heart first and foremost. It would be a complete shame to walk away from a great friendship simply because she’s having a hard time with things in her life and is handling it VERY poorly. 

You could just both be at different places, and your friendship has run its course. Or she could have a lot going on, the saying that “those we love are the ones we hurt the most” is very true. People always feel safer taking things out on those they feel will have their backs no matter what, like family. It sucks, but try talking to her first.

Post # 7
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

No, she sounds like she’s just jealous.  That’s a pretty terrible thing to say behind someone’s back and then accidently send it to the bride.  I think I’d be crushed but slightly relieved.  I DO NOT think you are being a bridezilla.  Good luck!

Post # 8
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

There must be a reason that you asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor.  Talk to her and see if you can reach an understanding.  I’ve been on the other end.  I was recently a Bridesmaid or Best Man and I’m afraid I wasn’t a very good one.  There was a lot going on in my life that I didn’t want to burden the bride with and I think it came off as disinterest and uncaring when that wasn’t my intention.  Good Luck!

Post # 9
5976 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow…the FB message would have been it for me. I know you don’t want to throw away a long friendship, but she sent you a message that was meant for someone else calling you names and saying she didn’t want to be in the wedding anymore. If that’s how she feels, I’d give her the out and ask one of your other BMs to take the role of Maid/Matron of Honor.

Post # 10
1409 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

I would end the friendship, personally.  I don’t believe in staying friends with someone just because “we’ve been friends for so many years”…. People change, people grow apart.  She sounds like a toxic person to have in your life, to be honest.  Good luck!  You deserve to be surrounded by supportive people, especially as you plan your wedding.  No need for added stress.

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