Post # 1
I have been best friends with a certain person since we were 16 (23 now) and have always had a good relationship until I got engaged last year. Her and her boyfriend were breaking up at the time, and when I called to tell her I was engaged she said “nice. Sean moved out last night”. I understood why she wouldn’t be jumping for joy, but was hurt she wasn’t happy at all for me, didn’t even say congrats.
I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and she agreed, however after asking her she never offered to help with anything, told another friend my engagement ring was “ugly” (and it’s not!!!) and has genrally been unsupportive. Even the day we allw ent to pick out my dress, she sat there like a zombie and didn’t even talk to me or say she liked the dress.
She hates 2 of the other girls in my wedding party and would bash them to me all the time, I just chose to ignore her negative, and hurtful comments. When I asked my 5th and final girl to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I figured it might be an issue since the 2 of them used to be very close, but now do not get along whatsoever. The girl who I asked to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man said she didn’t mind spending any required time with the Maid/Matron of Honor and would put the differences aside because it is my day and she was happy to be a part of it. Then, Maid/Matron of Honor sends me a facebook message (yes, really) freaking saying I was rude for not asking her first if it was ok. I told her I was sorry she felt that way, but I didn;t think I needed to ask permission to have who I am close to in my wedding party. Then, she sends me a facebook message that she meant to send to one of her friends, saying I was a bitch, and that she didn;t want to be in the wedding anymore. I wrote her and said that I got the message and clearly I didn;t think it was meant for me, and she was quick to apologize and say she didn;t mean for me to get it (obviously!) I never wrote her back, and I don;t plan on it. This was about a month ago. I am hurt beyond words and this was the straw that broke the camels back.
Am I being too “bridezilla” or am I right to end the friendship? I just think shes been mean and unsupportive this whole time and talking behind my back wasn’t cool.
Post # 3
I think you are right ending the friendship. Talking behind your back isn’t old and not very Maid/Matron of Honor like. I think you are better off finding someone new.
Post # 4
Was she like this before her breakup?
First off, I think you are totally in the right if you want to step out of this friendship. I think you SHOULD if she is like this all the time.
But something struck me, when you said she’s like a zombie. Do you think she is going through major depression? Not like, oh, I’m sad, me and my boyfriend broke up. But possibly clinical depression?
If so, it might be time for a heart to heart. It would be a shame to lose what was otherwise a great friendship if she’s having depression issues and can move out of them in the future. But if she’s always like this… well, see ya.
But you would not be wrong to move away from this friendship, no matter what the reason. I just wanted to present the idea that I wonder if she’s struggling more than she lets on. Does she go out and do social things? Is her work going well? Etc.
Post # 5
@NAvery: I totally agree with this.
A heart-to-heart before totally dumping her is a good idea. Of course, if nothing comes of that you aren’t wrong to cross her off the friend list.
Post # 6
Sounds like a long-time friend, if this is unusual behaviour for her I would have a heart-to-heart first and foremost. It would be a complete shame to walk away from a great friendship simply because she’s having a hard time with things in her life and is handling it VERY poorly.
You could just both be at different places, and your friendship has run its course. Or she could have a lot going on, the saying that “those we love are the ones we hurt the most” is very true. People always feel safer taking things out on those they feel will have their backs no matter what, like family. It sucks, but try talking to her first.
Post # 7
No, she sounds like she’s just jealous. That’s a pretty terrible thing to say behind someone’s back and then accidently send it to the bride. I think I’d be crushed but slightly relieved. I DO NOT think you are being a bridezilla. Good luck!
Post # 8
There must be a reason that you asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. Talk to her and see if you can reach an understanding. I’ve been on the other end. I was recently a Bridesmaid or Best Man and I’m afraid I wasn’t a very good one. There was a lot going on in my life that I didn’t want to burden the bride with and I think it came off as disinterest and uncaring when that wasn’t my intention. Good Luck!
Post # 9
Wow…the FB message would have been it for me. I know you don’t want to throw away a long friendship, but she sent you a message that was meant for someone else calling you names and saying she didn’t want to be in the wedding anymore. If that’s how she feels, I’d give her the out and ask one of your other BMs to take the role of Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 10
- Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA
I would end the friendship, personally. I don’t believe in staying friends with someone just because “we’ve been friends for so many years”…. People change, people grow apart. She sounds like a toxic person to have in your life, to be honest. Good luck! You deserve to be surrounded by supportive people, especially as you plan your wedding. No need for added stress.
Post # 11
Thank you all for your replies, It is nice to have some outsiders points of view. My fiance has never liked her because she has always been selfish, that is nothing new, so of course he doesn
t want her to be a part of our day at all. I was just always able to handle her selfishness well but when it comes to our wedding day, I just cant. And there is never a reason to talk behind your friends back, so I was just so surprised by that.
NAvery, yeah, even before her breakup she was always a selfish person (we used to joke that she had MAJOR only child syndrome) and when I say she was like a zombie I should have clarified that she wasn`t sitting there lifeless and sad, she was on her phone texting, not paying attention at all and just stared at me when I asked the girls for their opinions on the dress. I went to hug her as we were all leaving the bridal shop and she barely hugged me back, she was just very cold. Even my mother noticed and my mother loves her like a daughter.
I appreciate ALL of your opinions on the situation, I do agree that our friendship has ran its course. People go different ways in life and there is really nothing I can do about it now. I also agree that just becaue you have been friends with someone for x amount of years that means it is worth fixing. So thank you