- 7 years ago
- Wedding: January 2013
It’s your wedding, so I say do what you feel comfortable with. I know that some would say that her possibly being pregnant shouldn’t make a difference, but I say do what you feel will bring you the least amount of stress.
I don’t see it as a bad thing. Being pregnant won’t make her a mutant and she will still be able to function like the normal person she is. Will she be able to drink, no but I have friends attending my parties that aren’t heavy drinkers and I’m fine with that. If she were due on your wedding day I’d be worried but otherwise not so much.
I think there are a lot more important things to focus on. I don’t think she should have to step down just because she’s pregnant. My Bridesmaid or Best Man was 6 months at my wedding but found out after we ordered her dress. There was a lot of last minute scurrying and worrying that the dress wouldn’t come in on time, etc. In the end it was totally worth it and I don’t think pregnancy should get in her way of supporting you.
There’s nothing defective about pregnant people. They are able to do everything just as well as if they weren’t pregnant. Order her a maternity Maid/Matron of Honor dress. Not that hard. My Bridesmaid or Best Man at 6 months was active in planning and participating in my bach. party. She drank soda instead of liquor, out of the same cups as we did and fought to stay up as late as we did- 3am. I don’t think you’re giving her much credit. Sorry.
I don’t understand why you’re so worried either. My Maid/Matron of Honor was 7 and a half months pregnant at the wedding and it wasn’t an issue at all. She planned away with no problems. The dress wasn’t an issue either. She waited to order until the last possible time and then ordered it a size bigger. It wasn’t an issue. I don’t understand why everyone else thinks its such a big deal.
I wouldn’t ask her to step down. The dress concerns I understand, but the bachelorette thing I really don’t get. This person is close enough to ask to be your matron of honor but her being unable to drink/party at your bachelorette is a dealbreaker?
I think she’s being a wee bit overoptimistic as far being able to say what size she’ll be or know for sure how pregnancy will affect her emotions and physical stamina.
At the same time, though, I’m not sure if being pregnant is reason enough to ask her to step down entirely. Could your other BMs pick up some of the slack? Or will they feel resentful?
So, pregnant people aren’t allowed to be in weddings? I think you need to take a step back here and start thinking about her. You pretty much are telling her that you don’t want her in your wedding b/c she’s going to be pregnant. You can order her bridesmaid dress a size or two bigger, and she can have it altered to fit how she is IF she’s pregnant at that time. And the bachelorette party? Well…I’m not even going to go there.
What if she never told you that she was going to get pregnant and you had already ordered the dresses? What if her and her husband try, but can’t get pregnant right away. Wouldn’t you feel just a little bad if you asked her to step down from your wedding and she isn’t even pregnant yet??
I don’t see why anyone thinks it is a bad thing.
She didn’t even have to tell you she’s TTC and it was nice she did. If I were her I’d be hurt that you were so upset about the possibility of pregnancy. It’s not like she told you your wedding is her due date so she can’t come!
If she gets pregnant before the wedding, it sounds like she still really wants to be a part of things.
Getting pregnant doesn’t mean your life goes away and it sounds like she still wants to support you and your relationship.
When you pick dresses maybe order hers a size up or look for a Maid/Matron of Honor dress with more give in the stomach. That way if she IS pregnant the dress will give some and if she isn’t it can be altered down.
I think you are making WAY too big a deal of this.
Your only real concerns seem to be: size of dress and her being a “downer” at your bachelorette party. I read your whole post and those are the only two you mentioned.
Regarding dress– make it her problem. If she wants to stay in just tell her she needs to take responsibility for making sure her dress fits
Regarding bach party- Ask her not to come if she won’t feel up to partying. And if she does come and doesn’t live up to your expectations… just don’t let her ruin your evening.
This really doesn’t seem like a big issue to me.
oh my gosh, don’t worry about it!
my Maid/Matron of Honor was 20-some weeks at my wedding and she was an AMAZING Maid/Matron of Honor.
but we actually moved our wedding date forward, in part so that she could be there, because our original date would have had her flying across the country in her third trimester.
i don’t understand, if this girl is so close to you to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, why you would even consider asking her to step down just cause she is preggers?
for mine, we ordered the largest size dress (a 16) and then she just took it to a seamstress to get it altered around her belly, the month before .
it’s really not a big deal, if I were your friend I would also feel hurt that you are reacting this way.
i wonder why your other friends and family have such strong feelings about it?
If this person is close enough for you to ask to be your Matron of Honor, then I would think that she would be pretty important to you. Yet, the two main reasons you are saying you don’t want her to be pregnant at your wedding is because it will make ordering dresses harder for you, and she might bring you down at your bachelorette party.
Those are two very minor situations. She most likely WON’T bring you down at your bachelorette party. Pregnant people can still have fun. And if you have to order dresses soon, she could always order a few sizes bigger (depending on the design of the dress) so she has extra material and can get it tailored to her body. It would be an extra expense for her, but that’s what I’d do.
I think you need to re-evaluate your priorities. It sounds to me that she is willing to do whatever it takes to support you and be in your wedding, telling you not to worry, etc. She went so far to say that she can’t figure out why you don’t want her in your wedding but that she is emotional about it. She is upset, reaching out to you and trying to figure everything out.
And it sounds like you are coming up with reasons for her not to be in your wedding, but they don’t seem like very valid, complications that would affect your wedding.
If she is a good enough friend for you to make her your Maid/Matron of Honor, then you may want to consider what a happy time this is in HER life right now, and offer her the same support and happiness that she is offering you.
Are you not worried at all that if you ask her to step down as Maid/Matron of Honor because she may or may not be pregnant at your wedding (seven months away) how it would affect your friendship?
Seems to me that should be more important.
I agree with all of @CorgiTales: suggestions.
Is it already decided that your bach party will be a big drinking party? Pregnant or not I’m not much of a drinker regardless anyway. Does that mean non-drinkers are a downer at parties?
My sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor, and let me know upfront that they were going to be trying for another baby and if everything went as planned she would be 6-7 months pregnant at the time of my wedding. The only thing I said was I hoped she wouldn’t be ready to pop at the time of the wedding. Well, I just found out she will indeed be 7 months pregnant, and I’m thrilled for her…one more little niece or nephew for me. 🙂
I would never have dreamed of telling her to step down. It’s important to me that she be involved, regardless of how that affects the planning. However, I’m being pretty loosey goosey about a lot of details. I waited til now to order bridesmaids dresses (about 4.5 months out) and she’ll be wearing a different dress than my other bridesmaid so she’ll be more comfortable. And if for some reason she had to back out at the last minute, we would just have less bridesmaids than groomsmen.
As far as your dress concern, can you wait until you get a little closer to the wedding to order her dress and do a different style in maybe a jersey or a fabric with a little more give to accommodate her belly and growing chest?
I understand your desire for your day to be perfect, but isn’t it as important to share your day with the people most important to you? Ultimately, you have to decide what you want to do, but I personally think it won’t be a big deal.
I would feel hurt if you asked her to step down just for being pregnant… I was fully functional until I went into labor. So unless she is due near your wedding or God forbid has a complicated pregnancy then you should let her stay, if she is your marton of honor obvously she is important to you, possible dress complications should be worth having her stand by you. But then again I would be pissed if you booted me because I couldn’t/wouldn’t drink and party hard with you… that is just sad…
ETA: I am not saying this to jump at you or be mean but I know how being pregnant feels and I know how it feels to be left out because of being pregnant/having a child and it absolutely sucks. Pregnant people are still people and want to be a part of things too 🙂
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