(Closed) MOH wants to bring a friend, am I being selfish?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Is it selfish to ask MOH not to bring this girl?
    Yes, she should be able to have a guest : (71 votes)
    56 %
    No, she's your MOH and should be spending the weekend with you : (56 votes)
    44 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    8444 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @MattieK:  I personally think if someone is traveling you should definitely give them a +1 regardless of their role in the wedding.  In fact, I’m giving all of my single guests a +1, but I’m sure I’m in the minority.

    Post # 4
    Member
    839 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I have no idea what the etiquette on this is, but I don’t think you’re being selfish. I think she is putting you in a potentially awkward situation by bringing a mutual friend of yours that wasn’t invited to the wedding, especially to the rehersal dinner. I just personally don’t think people should take advantage of a plus 1 invite and bring someone that isn’t technically a “date.”  But at the same time, I know a lot of people think it’s rude to ask your guests to travel alone, and technically this is true. But you aren’t technically asking her to travel alone. If she wants to bring a “real” date, then great. Otherwise, I don’t think she should bring someone! Like I said, I have NO idea what the actual etiquette is on this, but this is just my opinion!

    Post # 5
    Member
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Typically people in the bridal party should all be given a date, but I would totally be hurt if my Maid/Matron of Honor brought another gf.

    Plus, being a Maid/Matron of Honor (or BM) is a lot of work…who is going to entertain this chick?

    Post # 6
    Member
    7901 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    I don’t think she should bring a friend. She had responsibilities and she cannot be a good host to her friend. An invitation is not transferable. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    3688 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I totally get where you’re coming from. Unfortunately, you have to let your bridal party bring “dates” if they’d like, and although I personally think it’s tacky to bring a friend as a date to an event like a wedding where every seat is expensive and carefully thought out, there are many people on this forum who disagree with me.

    She’s putting you in an awkward situation, and if you can find a way to gently explain that to her it might be best, otherwise I think you might have to suck it up and let it happen.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1876 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @housebee:  I agree with giving bridal party members a “plus 1”. But I’m sorry, bringing a friend isn’t a plus one. It’s bringing a friend so you have someone to sit with.

    OP – I agree with you. I would just explain to her that you NEED her as your Maid/Matron of Honor. She has to know other people there right?

    Post # 9
    Member
    2389 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Proper etiquette is about making your guests comfortable.  Let her travel with her friend.

    Post # 10
    Member
    9691 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I think bridal party members should have +1s.  Can you talk to her about your concerns as far as her being there for you while entertaining someone?

    Post # 11
    Member
    1548 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think all bridal party members should receive a +1, especially since she is traveling to attend you wedding. You Maid/Matron of Honor is doing so much for you, it seems reasonable to allow her to bring who she chooses.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1021 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    If it were me, I’d let her bring the friend to the wedding (especially so she won’t have to travel alone), but I wouldn’t extend the invitation to the rehearsal dinner since that’s usually more intimate. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1177 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Have you explained to her everything you said in your post? I think you summed it up really nicely and didn’t sound selfish at all. I agree that I think she would be distracted by having to keep her friend entertained, and that it would be awkward for her friend not to be invited to all the ancillary events. She’s probably very upset about the breakup and dreading spending any time alone – maybe you can reassure her that you’ll both be there for each other through the whole weekend.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1475 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I am in a similar situation. My Maid/Matron of Honor is traveling from CO to ME to be in my wedding. She doesn’t have a boyfriend, but has mentioned bringing her (female) cousin, who is someone I know, but would never invite to my wedding. I thought that was fine, however, I didn’t think about the rehearsal dinner – I think it would be weird if she brought her “friend date” to that in place of a significant other.

     

    I do think it would be couteous to let her bring her “date”. You are going to have ALOT going on with all your other guests, family, friends and your NEW husband, I don’t think you will get to spend as much time with your Maid/Matron of Honor as you think you will.

    Post # 15
    Member
    246 posts
    Helper bee

    I think there are a lot of arguments both for and against allowing her to bring a friend as a +1 to your wedding, but I think in this situation it may be about more than proper wedding etiquette.  Yes, this is your day, but your Maid/Matron of Honor, who I’m assuming is your best friend is likely hurting right now and probably having a tough time with things.  If your date on here is accurate then your wedding is not far away… 

    She was likely looking forward to celebrating her best friends’ special day with both you and her boyfriend, as weddings are about celebrating love  (and I know that I always enjoy them more when my SO is there with me – seeing other people in love makes me feel more in love!).  It’s entirely possible that given her situation she feels like she might need some behind the scenes support on that day from her friend, in order to be the best support that she can be to you.  She probably wants to avoid burdening you with any duelling emotions she might be feeling while watching her bestie get married and having recently ended a relationship herself.

    I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer here, but from a cost perspective if you were going to be paying for her to have a plus one anways, it doesn’t make much of a difference, and if allowing her to bring a plus one who isn’t her bf is going to avoid any friction between the two of you and allow her to feel more comfortable, I don’t see the harm.

    Good luck with your decision 🙂

    Post # 16
    Member
    1830 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I would not allow her to bring a friend just because she is no longer with her boyfriend, weddings are expensive for the couple to bring a long last friend that you no longer speak to is a waste of money. Just tell her no and explain why, this isn’t a birhtday party you want the witnesses at your wedding to truly be happy and care for you and your husband. Maid/Matron of Honor is a grown woman you have to travel alone sometime in your life.

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