(Closed) MOH wants to bring her son

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

I would have asked my Maid/Matron of Honor and best friend to bring her son before she had to even ask is he was allowed. My friends are closer than distant relatives. 

Post # 4
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think that since so many other kids are coming and your Maid/Matron of Honor is supposed to be one of the closest people to you that I would have invited her son in the first place. I consider my Maid/Matron of Honor to BE family and wouldn’t want to hurt her by saying “All these kids are invited, but yours aren’t becuase we happen to be not blood related”.

Post # 5
Member
46421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

She should not even have raised the issue of bringing her son. If he is invited to the wedding, his name will be on the invitation. It is terribly rude of her to presume that he will be invited.

It doesn’t matter what other bees would do, you are entitled to draw the line at family kids only. The only  kids who will be there are your own and the ones from Texas and Ohio.

She absolutely will not be able to mind a 5 yr old while performing her duties as Maid/Matron of Honor.

 

Post # 6
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree that if I were allowing that many kids at my wedding (especially the cousins thing – that’s branching out), I would allow my Maid/Matron of Honor to bring hers.

I do understand the difficulty of keeping an eye on him while there are things to be done during the wedding, but that is her responsibility, not yours. You can (nicely) make that clear during the discussion, and if she still wants to bring him and has a solution to keeping him safe and out of trouble, I’d say she should be able to.

That being said, it’s your wedding day and you are entitled to allow whoever you want there. Conversely, everyone else is entitled to be insulted or angry, so it doesn’t mean there are no repercussions for doing just what you want.

We are not having kids at our wedding, at all, for a lot of reasons. Our solution for out of town guests is that we are offering to arrange a group babysitter for those who are bringing kids that need to be watched. They will hang out in the suite that the bridal party gets ready in that morning, and we will probably subsidize about $30/kid, depending on how many kids will be there and what the total cost will be. We figure that’s the equivalent of paying for their plate if they had been invited to the reception, so it doesn’t look or feel like we’re just being cheap.

Post # 7
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

@Corilee13: agree 100%

 

AND it doesn’t matter what we would do and you ARE entitled to draw the line.. but do you really want to draw the line at your BEST FRIEND’S SON? seriously? that hangs out with your kids all the time? would you not be put off if your best friend were getting married or having a party that had a lot of kids and said yours’ couldn’t come? I would be so hurt if I were her! In the end, it is your choice.. but like @baliahi1029: said, don’t think there won’t be consequences.

Post # 8
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

@BWymer2012:

You have no issues with children that you probably don’t even see once a year yet the son of your Maid/Matron of Honor and who you see twice a week, you won’t allow come? 

That is wrong in so many ways and tbh, if I were in her shoes, I would step down from the Maid/Matron of Honor position.

Post # 8
Hostess
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@MrsNeutrino: Agreed.

I made it clear to my Maid/Matron of Honor that her daughter was more than welcome before the topic was even brought up. I am closer to her daugther than I am to some of the children from my FI’s family.

While I do understand that you want her complete and undivided attention it really isn’t fair, especially as children are already coming to the wedding. If it were a child free wedding than I could understand your point. There wouldn’t be anyone that can watch her child from time to time during the ceremony and reception? If you are so close with her are you not close with her family (and potentially inviting them)?

 

Post # 9
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@julies1949:What “duties” is a Maid/Matron of Honor supposed to have?  Because all I’m asking of mine is that she show up in her dress, THAT’S IT.  These women aren’t slaves, just because the word maid happens to be in the title doesn’t mean they need to tend to every brides wish and demand.  Sure these women will need to be present and attentive during photos but what else could they possibly need to do the rest of the night that directly involves the bride?  To be honest I don’t want my bridesmaids all around me all night attending to me, I want them up having fun, mingling and enjoying themselves.  But maybe I’m the minority on this.

Post # 10
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@ENarcy: The whole bridal party is usually present for a LOT over the course of the wedding – photos, receiving line. introductions, bridal party dance, speeches, helping the bride with her bustle, etc.

I don’t think any of those “duties” are unreasonably demanding, or even that far beyond the most minimal expectations of a Maid/Matron of Honor. And a lot of them could be much more difficult to do having to watch a small child by yourself. Definitely not impossible, but harder. 

Post # 11
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@baliahi1029:Like I said I’m clearly the minority because I don’t intend on having my bridesmaids hovering over me waiting to see what I need once the reception starts.  Sure they’ll be there for pictures and introductions and with my wedding that’s all they need to be there for the rest of the night if for them to HAVE FUN.  Either way the OP MOH’s son should have been invited before distant relatives.  Especially since they’re close.

Post # 12
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

@ENarcy: You are not in the minority. I don’t expect my Bms and MOHs to be up my ass the whole time. They are adults and I would much rather them be mingling with my guests making sure they and themselves have a great time. Why do i need someone getting me drinks.. and holding my hand while I walk? I am a bride… not special needs. Everything moves so quickly anyways..hair and makeup.. walk down the aisle.. boom! youre married. An hour for pics and then you are done! Not only would my MOH’s son be invited to the wedding.. but if I didn’t have a son, he would be IN the wedding as well, HELL.. even if I did have a son, both of them would be in the wedding! I have a Bridesmaid or Best Man whos daughter is a flower girl with my daughter. My friends are my chosen family, but I guess not everyone feels that way. 

Post # 13
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Thorpewood

I feel like some PPs are being kind of harsh.  I mean, your Maid/Matron of Honor is going to be busy on your wedding day.  She’ll be getting her hair and makeup done.  She’ll be standing up with you during the ceremony.  She’ll be getting pictures done.  Depending on your reception, she’ll be giving a speech, participating in the first dance when all of the bridal party comes out, etc.  And if you’re having a head table, is he going to sit up there with all of you? 

If she had someone to watch him, I don’t think there would be an issue but, seriously.  She’s going to be busy and it wouldn’t be fair to you for her to not fully participate because she’s so busy chasing a 5 year old.

That being said, because your families are so close, I do think you should tell her she can bring her son but ONLY if she’s sure she can handle both responsibilities.

Post # 14
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Um…who’s going to be watching all your kids? Presumably you and your Fiance are going to be far too busy to keep an eye on your 5 year old, so I assume one of your relatives will be watching your children during pics, etc. I really don’t see why the same person(s) couldn’t also keep an eye on your MOH’s child. I’d be kind of ticked off if I were in her position.

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