Post # 1
I need some advice–my sister, who is my Maid/Matron of Honor, wants to bring her travel buddy with her to our wedding. My fiance and I live in New Zealand and are getting married here, but my sister will be traveling from the States to be at the wedding. She’s trying to find a travel buddy to come with her, and wants to bring him/her to the wedding.
I told her that if she had a serious boyfriend, she was welcome to bring him to the wedding, but otherwise, we don’t have room for people we don’t know at our ceremony. The venue can only accommodate up to 50 guests, and we’re having trouble cutting down our guest list as it is. She will know about half of the people there, and her travel buddy would have lots to do for a day while she’s at her sister’s wedding.
My fiance agrees with me. We’re paying for our wedding, we’re in our 30’s, and we only want people there WE want there. Plus, it’s a really, really personal thing to us to get married and say our vows to each other, and who wants to do that in front of strangers?
What is the proper etiquette here? If I’m being a total tool I’ll have to reconsider my whole guest list so she can bring her travel buddy, but at least I won’t be a tool! 😉 Help!
Post # 3
hate to say it, but I think wedding party members should be allowed a +1.
My sister was dating some weird tatted-out biker dude, who I’d never met and certainly did not want in my wedding pictures, but when I protested, everyone else pretty much said it’s a rule that wedding party gets a +1, and I got shot down too 🙁
Fortunately, I lucked out and he had a motocross race that weekend and couldn’t make it, but especially if she’s travelling from the states, I think you should try to make an exception. If it comes down to it and you really don’t like the guy, you can always photoshop him out – that was my strategy!
Post # 3
If it’s super important to her, she is your Maid/Matron of Honor you could make an exception for her without reconsidering your whole guest list!
I don’t think she should be bringing someone though. As a Maid/Matron of Honor, she’ll won’t be with the friend at the ceremony, she’ll be busy during pictures, and depending on setting for the reception she could be separate then too.
Come up with some things to do for travel companions along with some maps. You can provide them to everyone from Out of Town. Travel companions would have something to do the day of, and if anyone is making a vacation out of it they would have suggestions for before or after the wedding.
Post # 4
@zenzen78: I would let her, she is traveling pretty far, and she is in the bridal party.
Post # 5
I don’t think there’s any reason to have people at your wedding that you don’t know/want there, especially when it’s an intimate wedding. And your sister will probably be busy with wedding stuff on the days leading up to the wedding and during the wedding so if she brings a buddy with her, they’ll probably be pretty bored (unless they don’t mind exploring a new place by themselves).
Post # 6
Oh come one…this is your sister! Not only is she travelling a huge distance to be there, she is also your Maid/Matron of Honor. Why would you NOT want her to have a companion for such a long trip? I promise you won’t even notice this so called ‘stranger’ with all the activity of the day, so this is one exception I think you have to make.
Post # 7
@zenzen78: You do not have to invite anyone who is not married or formally engaged. I am sure your sister will be ok on a flight by herself.
It is YOUR money so you make the rules. Just because she is in the wedding party doesn’t mean a thing.
Post # 8
we had similar situation at our Destination Wedding…my sisters both wanted to bring dates, but we we already having trouble cutting down our guest list, so i simply explained that to them and they are totally okay with it! once i explained how we are very limited due to space and budget constraints, they had no problem with it. the only exceptions we made for plus ones were for people who would not know ANYONE else at the wedding.
Post # 9
Thank you for your responses. It’s really helpful to have your input.
I never planned on having a wedding, and never thought that just the guest list would be so taxing! I really hope my sister brings a travel buddy because it makes the trip so much more enjoyable (and affordable!). It’s just a matter of whether she brings him/her to the wedding. It’d be a no-brainer if she had a partner/ someone who was like her family. Smyley and mg1363 have a point that there will probably be so much going on that day that I probably won’t notice–but I WANT to notice the people who are there, because all of them are special to my fiance and me. That’s why we’re having a wedding–to include our nearest and dearest in our day; if we didn’t care who was there, we’d elope!
It’s a matter of feeling guilty because I don’t invite her travel buddy, or guilty because I didn’t invite someone I actually wanted to invite. Tough call.
Post # 10
Hoiw tiny is tiny? 10 or 12 people? Then you’d most certainly notice, but if you’re having a decent amount it will mean nothing. Is that date correct too? If your weddng is 2 years away, so many things can change between now and then.
btw…I had only 65 at my wedding, and had to look at the cards to remember who was even there. We had family only and a few friends and we don’t even see the friends anymore for one reason or another…..but we still see our family! Something to think about.
Post # 11
We had a total of 37 people at our wedding, and two of them were dates that we had never met before, and trust me, they were not even noticed. I mean, they were noticed in that we greeted and chatted with everyone including those whom we had never met, but after that they fell into the background.
Post # 12
I had a tiny 30 person wedding. My sister/MOH asked me if she could invite her bf who I have never met, they didn’t seem that serious. I only got to have 15 people, my husband had the other 15, so of course I was a little upset that one of those people had to go to a stranger. But she’s my sister, she was so supportive and helpful when it came to the wedding, so I wanted her to be happy and have a good time too. And like others said, I didn’t even notice him there.
Post # 13
Personally, I would never travel a huge distance by myself, and I would hate to make my travel buddy sit in the hotel room all day while I went to the wedding. I would just let her bring her buddy to the wedding. At the end of the day, it’s only one more person, and it’s probably going to save you from having to fight a battle. My motto in life is to pick your battles. 🙂
Post # 14
Ditto what you @mg1363: said.
@zenzen78: I would just talk to your sister and explain that her that her travel buddy won’t know anyone and your sister will be busy with you most of the day. See if you can get her to see your side and maybe make a suggestion of something fun her friend can do instead of attend the wedding.
Post # 15
I would let her.. First of all not only is she your sister she is your Maid/Matron of Honor and it is only proper that your wedding party are allowed plues ones. Not to mention I hate traveling and I always go with company!