Post # 1
My best friend is getting married 6/13. I’m the Maid/Matron of Honor and no one else is in her wedding party. Instead of postponing, she decided to go through with it that same day in her fiancés parents’ backyard.
What started as an immediate family only party has turned into a ceremony and reception with dancing, a buffet dinner and 35 people coming.
Her dad has had some health issues and is concerned about how big this has gotten, and she got mad at him for that.
So I don’t know what to do. I’m not comfortable with this happening so soon. But I also don’t want her to have no one standing up on her side. I thought maybe I could stay for just the ceremony and leave but I’m guessing she still wants me to make a speech.
I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old at home and with this new syndrome showing up in kids I’m getting really scared, and my ocd and anxiety are through the roof. Am I selfish for not wanting to go to this?
She had to cancel her first wedding years ago and I really wanted to celebrate with her but we never anticipated a global pandemic…
Post # 2
Where does she live where she’s allowed to have that size gathering in June? My state is supposed to move to Phase 2 of 4 in June, but I believe the gatherings can only be of 5 people or less.
I would never risk my parents health for my wedding, that alone is selfish of her, especially if her father has expressed his concern and she got pissed off for it. I know people have different views on how risky it is to socialize but if my parent had a health issue I would never ask them to participate in this.
I would also not attend if I had small kids at home that I could potentially bring the virus home to… the only way I would attend this is if I had somewhere that I could quarantine by myself for 2 weeks after attending.
I hope your friend is understanding of your decision if you decide not to go.
Post # 3
It all boils down to this: Are you willing to risk your health, possibly life, on her wedding? Not to mention your childrens’? Even if you only go for the ceremony, I doubt you will be properly social distancing.
I would not risk myself and my children for my best friend, and she would not ask me to.
Post # 4
if you aren’t comfortable with it, i would not attend. if she doesn’t understand why, then she’s not a very good friend. lots of people are not comfortable being in a larger group right now, even if it is allowed where you live.
Post # 5
In our state, we MIGHT be in phase 3 by then, which allows gatherings of up to 10 people. So it’s technically not allowed, and even that has me feeling very uncomfortable because I’m trying to be as responsible as possible.
Their home is way out in the country so they probably won’t get in trouble for having that large of a gathering, especially because our police have vowed not to shut anything down. But I still don’t feel good about it at all.
Post # 6
Good point. I certainly wouldn’t risk 35 people for my wedding day, potentially many many more, for my wedding day. It’s hard because everyone else is acting like it’s totally fine so I started to feel like the crazy one.
Post # 7
I think you should be very honest with her and tell her that you do not feel comfortable with her plan and will not be attending. That might be the kick in the pants that she needs. She may need to actually hear that her VIPs are not going to come in order to realize that she needs to rethink this.
Post # 8
Thank you, that’s also a good point. She and her fiance’s family just celebrated Mother’s Day with a dozen people at a party so I don’t think they get it.
Post # 9
You are NOT crazy! I’m living by something I read at the beginning of the pandemic:
“We won’t know if we did too much but we will know if we didn’t do enough.”
Post # 10
That’s exactly how I feel! I want to hold off as long as possible, so there might be treatments available, before gathering in bigger groups again. Not just for my family but all the other families who could be impacted from one backyard party.
Post # 11
Post # 12
You are absolutely not, by any stretch of the imagination, being selfish in your hesitance to attend.
Your friend, on the other hand, is the one being selfish by putting her friends and family at risk. Your friend is unfortunately letting magical thinking prevail over rationality right now. This virus does not care about “special days.” It does not care how we feel, what our political positions are, how much we think we deserve for X,Y,Z to happen, etc. The virus only works on its own timeline, and it is too early on in that timeline to hold gatherings (especially where shared food and dancing are involved) without taking on significant risk that loved ones will suffer harm. No state in the US has yet met the two main federal standards for re-opening: 1) sufficiently pervasive testing and 2) a 14 day decline in new infections.
As a mother of young children, you are rightly concerned about exposing them. These complications being observed in children in NYC are terrifying. And what is observed in New York now will pop up in other regions of the country later- much like how Italy has been the indicator for what is to come in other parts of Europe. There is so much that we do not know about this virus yet, and information from Italy indicates that recovery from even mild cases is often very slow. This study which came out a few days ago (and has not been peer-reviewed yet but is beginning that process) indicates that coronavirus significantly reduces life expectancy even in healthy people without pre-existing health conditions:
This situation is awful. I was supposed to get married on June 6th and we had to postpone until 2021 due to the virus. So, I get it. It’s not fair that the virus is taking this major life event away from us and it sucks and I’m angry about it. But none of those feelings could ever come close to justifying potentially exposing my family and friends to a virus that could kill or permanently injure them or other people they come into contact with. Tell your friend to get real.
Post # 13
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I would not go. You have every right to do what you need to to protect your health and the health of your family. If she doesn’t understand that then she’s not a real friend. If she’s willing to put her family at risk that’s between them, but she does not have a right to put your family at risk.
It sucks and I get why she wants things to go forward as close to the plan as possible, but she has to be prepared that not everyone is going to be comfortable and some will opt out.
Post # 14
Yep, we are in Illinois. Yikes.
Post # 15
She is being incredibly selfish. I’ve had to cancel my July wedding and celebration and I understand being disappointed. I don’t understand risking the health of loved ones at all. Just don’t go.