Post # 31
I think the fact that this party is very much illegal will help your argument too. I know you mentioned that your local police said they wouldn’t break it up, but I still would not feel okay with it.
I think a simple “Hey, I just heard the recent guest count and after some careful though, I am so sorry to tell you I don’t feel comfortable attending in person. I would love to still help out in any way I can and would be happy to make a virtual toast! But do to my young children and our state’s laws, I won’t be able to attend. I hope you can understand!”
She’ll most likely NOT understand given that she yelled at her own father…but there’s only so much you can do.
Post # 32
I would not be friends with somebody who expected me to attend an event of that form under these circumstances.
Post # 33
I would come up with a few phrases to repeat to her if/ when she gets upset you aren’t coming and or tries to guilt you about it. That way you won’t feel ambushed on the phone call and will be able to say no in a firm but nice way. Just repeat yourself until she stops pushing. You might also have to be prepared to get off the phone if she gets too intense.
Post # 34
“Her dad has had some health issues and is concerned about how big this has gotten, and she got mad at him for that.”
WOW. She’s willing to put her worried father’s life at risk? I would not attend, and also emphasize she is putting her wedding over the life of her father.
Post # 35
She’s being selfish and foolish. I’m sympathetic to the fact that it must be very upsetting to not have the wedding you dreamed of and planned for, but… lives are at stake.
I wouldn’t go.
Post # 36
I’m with everyone else- don’t go. Maybe everyone else involved is in agreement with the bride just to not hurt her feelings. You have children and your health and theirs is all that matters.
Post # 37
I agree. If anyone goes to that wedding, they are foolish!! Why jeapordize anyone (even one illness is too many) people getting sick. You have two children to think of. Tell her that you spoke with your husband and that you both decided that October is too soon to expose yourself to others and are concerned at the delicate health of your youngest child. It is not something you are willing to risk and you are not willing to risk your own health with two babies depending upon you. If she gets mad, she is not your friend. Trust your instincts. They are never wrong. For her to go on as if nothing happened demonstrates her selfishness, naivetee and carelessness of the health of others. I don’t care if it’s in the boondocks. October is way too soon!
Post # 38
It’s not even October–it’s a month from now–June 13.
Post # 39
Thank you all. I am totally in agreement that I shouldn’t go. It’s just hard when people around you make you feel like you’re blowing things out of proportion.
I’m going to talk to her as soon as possible about this. But I’m preparing myself for it to not go well. Hopefully I’m wrong and she understands.
Post # 40
Thank you for opening up and sharing your concerns. This is such a difficult one. Especially as Maid/Matron of Honor. I would express to her your concerns. You have a family and they are you’re number one concern. That is how it has to be. How much resentment and division would come about if someone God forbid became ill? It may be irreparable, if there are permanent consequences.
She has to understand. This has became our reality.
As a bride to be, I question the safety of hosting a gathering in october. I consider that many won’t come and have gotten comfortable with the idea of no bridal party (even though we’ve already asked couples). That way they won’t feel extra obligation to come.
A buffet dinner is not a good idea. Servers with proper PPE should be highly considered. It being outside is good, but what does seating look like. Is the back years large enough to spread people out? Those things need to be addressed.
Post # 41
Here’s a video showing how the virus can spread via a buffet……..
ETA: this is why I never ate at buffets even before Covid. E.coli, Norovirus, Salmonella, C. perfringens, Campylobacter and Staph can all be passed via buffets. Some infections are from improper prep and temps, others are from infected patrons.
Post # 42
She sounds like the selfish one…..not even considering other people’s health… ESP her own families… if you don’t feel safe going, then don’t go… it’s no ones fault this pandemic has taken over and it’s no one’s fault she chooses not to see that as a big deal. IF she WANTS her wedding NOW, she will have to deal with the consquences that not everyone is on board …. if I were you I wouldn’t go.
Post # 43
She clearly cares more about her one day party than she does her father.You should pay attention to that fact and behave accordingly. Why are you looking for her to care about YOUR kids? That’s your
job. If she wanted to have someone stand up beside her, she should have postponed her wedding. She decided her party was more important.
But, OP, you are a mother, why are you looking for other people to validate your mama instincts? It doesn’t matter how many of those people (or how many of us) felt it was okay for the wedding to happen (stupid as it is). If YOU do not feel comfortable attended a party with 35 or more potentially deadly cootie carriers in the midst of a global pandemic, you don’t need anyone else’s permission to decline.
Adjust your brass tits and tell her you wish her well but that you won’t be there.
Post # 44
Update- I talked to her this morning and she took it very well. She said she would never want me to put the boys at risk.
I think I am going to record a speech in my bridesmaid dress that they can play at the reception.
So that’s a relief. I do wonder if other people will end up dropping out.
Post # 45
Wow thats awesome. Great decision Bee