Post # 1
I asked my younger sister, whom I adore, to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. She’s several years younger than me, and has only just started college, so needless to say, she’s had little experience with weddings, not to mention being a Maid/Matron of Honor. My other bridesmaids are my age and very experienced with bridesmaiding.
Here is my dilemma: my sister hates public speaking with a passion — freezes up, mumbles, stares down at her toes, etc. She’s told me she’s willing to try to pull it together for the Maid/Matron of Honor speech/toast, but I’m worried that despite her best efforts, it’ll be painful for all involved.
I’m wondering if I’m being a bridezilla for wanting an awesome toast from her, and merely cloaking it in worry “on her behalf.” At the same time, I know she’d be relieved to be let off the hook and not hurt at all if I took that duty away from her.
What do you think about these ideas as possible solutions? Either 1) have all the BMs say something short, so that my Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t need to come up with an entire speech, or 2) have my Bridesmaid or Best Man that is an awesome public speaker do the whole speech, under the guise of “she’s the one that got FH and I together, so this is her matchmaker speech.” Or some other brilliant idea?
Post # 3
I’m in a similar situation except I’m the younger one. I think having all of them say something short would be okay. Or you could have one of your BMs who is a good public speaker say something like “On behalf of X, the maid of honor and Y and Z, the bridesmaids…” and continue into her speech. Personally, I think it would be better to let her off the hook. My sister is positively dreading it and I want her to be able to enjoy the day too, rather than worry over the speech!
Post # 4
Hmm … this is a tricky situation. Does your venue offer projection equipment? If so, and you have some family/friends with video making know-how (or a web cam), could she record her toast for you ahead of time and play it at the wedding? I know that isn’t ideal, but that way she could give you the awesome toast you want without all the butterflies. Maybe the best man could do the same thing for continuity? Or, I think your idea of a group toast from all your BMs is a good idea. If they got together they could coordinate something cute that has a unifying theme. Maybe they answer the question “I knew [bride and groom] were going to be married when …” That would probably elicit some interesting responses that would be relatively short and sweet. Good luck!
p.s. We’re date twins! Yay June 19!
Post # 5
If your sister wants to speak, I say let her, even if she’s not great at it. If she doesn’t want to speak, ask your “awesome public speaker” to talk. You don’t need to have an excuse, just have her do the speech.
I’m against having all the BMs talk b/c honestly, it’s just going to be boring for your guests.
Post # 6
I thought MOH/BMs don’t need to give speeches and it’s the Best Man who usually gives the speech? Either way, I was the Maid/Matron of Honor for my friend’s wedding and the Best Man, at the time, was 17 years old. He was so shy that he did not want to give the speech, and that was the only reason that I gave a speech. I think that if your younger sister doesn’t want to give a speech, don’t force her. Have someone else give a speech in place a her. I wouldn’t want my Maid/Matron of Honor to be dreading on my wedding day about having to give a speech – I’d want her to enjoy her role.
Post # 7
If the Bridesmaid or Best Man who’s a good public speaker wants to AND your younger sister wont mind, have her do it. Speeches are NOT requirements and if you know its going to make her uber uncomfortable, you shouldnt make her do it. Forcing her to do something she is bad at and doesnt want to do is leaning on the b*zilla side.
Post # 8
I don’t think you’re being a bridezilla. A bridezilla would force her to do the toast fears be damned! I’d have your Bridesmaid or Best Man do the speech. I don’t think people will think that’s weird.
Post # 9
I have never attended a wedding where the Maid/Matron of Honor or BMs have given a speech. What part of the country do you hail from – is this typical in your neck of the woods?
Post # 10
Sppeches are never requirements… I don’t think you need a “guise” to allow your comfortable-with-public-speaking Bridesmaid or Best Man to toast you. If your sister is really that uncomfortable with it, let her off the hook – or suggest she say a short & sweet toast – not all speeches have to be long-winded!=.
Post # 11
I like your idea number 2, have the bridesmaid that got you guys together give a speech. Don’t force your sister to give a speech if she isn’t comfortable. She’ll be nervous all day and won’t be able to relax and enjoy herself!
Post # 12
I was that sister and I did great! Plus, it would have really hurt my feelings had my sister wanted only the quirky Bridesmaid or Best Man who was great at public speaking to talk. Give her a chance. Seriously, and know that it isn’t painful when it’s from the heart and it’s done out of love for you.
Post # 13
I have a maid of honor (friend) and matron of honor (sister). Frind hates public speaking, sister loves it. Before my sister delivered early last night, plan was to have both give toasts, but my friend’s to be super short. I don’t think it’s weird to have your friend give a long toast, and maybe have your sister just say congrats and raise a glass. Unless she’s adamantly against doing it…that would be a nice memory for both of you.
Just anecdotally, a friend of FI’s sister was always as you described. No one expected her to say anything when FI’s friend got married. Well in the end she made the sweetest speech I’ve ever heard (and I’d never even met the sister before). You could tell she was nervous, which made it even more touching. Just something to consider…
Post # 14
Well I’m with the people who have said, speeches aren’t a requirement. I would’t force her, if she doesn’t want to. But if a Bridesmaid or Best Man says something instea, will your sister feel hurt? It’s pretty standard for the best man to make a speech. That’s pretty much one of his duties. But the Maid/Matron of Honor thing is less of a certainty.
And if you let her off the hook, does that mean you’d actually ask another Bridesmaid or Best Man to give a toast for you? I guess I don’t like the idea of asking someone to give you a toast. Maybe if someone else can do it for you…
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2010 - Stage 6 Steiner Studios
From what you wrote it sounds like she’s willing to try! If she’s nervous about *what* to say, you can tell her to keep it simple and to just speak from the heart. Even if that sounds cheesy, that’s how the best speeches come about. Who knows, maybe this is her chance to conqueor her fear!
Post # 16
Do you have your heart set on her giving a toast? We only had the welcome from my mom, and a toast from the best man. My Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t want to speak in front of the whole group, and that was fine with me.
If you would like someone to speak maybe you could ask another bridesmaid to do it, assuming that’s okay with your sister.