Post # 1
My cousin/BFF will be my maid of honor and our other cousin will be my matron of honor. I’m not having any other attendants. Because it’s just the two of them, I thought I’d let them decide amongst themselves what they would like to wear and submit to me for approval. The only guideline I gave them was that the dresses should match or be complimentary to each other and the overall wedding color scheme. Why oh whyyyyy did I do this?
I love my maid of honor to pieces, but, in all honesty, the girl wouldn’t know fashion if it licked her on the forehead. Bless her heart. Every idea she has had thus far has been a mess. To begin, she only wears super cheap clothes (think lycra club attire and payless pumps), so the idea of spending anywhere near $100 on a bridesmaid dress is repulsive to her. At first, she wanted to wear this flowery skirt-and-shirt type situation that she often wears to work. When I looked at her like she was crazy she was all “what? Your wedding has a tropical theme!” First of all, no my wedding doesn’t have a tropical them. And besides that, the flowers on her outfit weren’t even tropical, they were roses, lol! She then asked whether she could get her dress at a yardsale. Ummm, stop it. Buy a dress from one of the websites I recommended, please.
Also, just wanted to add that I’m certain she can afford it. We make similar salaries and have similar attitudes about spending. It’s just clothes in particular where she refuses to pay for quality. I know that if I force her, she’ll do what I ask but it has just been both amusing and frightening to watch her attempt to select a dress and thought I’d share my story with the hive.
Did any of you allow your BMs to select their own dresses? How did it go?
Post # 3
Well I have more than 2 attendants but I followed lots of other bees advice in doing the mismatched look – I picked a line, a colour, and a length and let them choose from there. I knew if I didn’t I’d have some dressing like hooches and some dressing like my gma and the overall cohesiveness would be out the window. So maybe try that approach? There’s plenty of lines that aren’t crazy expensive, and there’s also some websites where you can get discounts of regular ‘designer’ bm dresses (which is the route we’re going – in the shop the dresses are 200+ but on the website we’re ordering from they’re only 120ish.)
Post # 4
I want the dresses long and one-shoulder. My color theme is based on a peacock feather, so that is conceivably 5 or 6 good colors to choose from. And I’d like it if they wore heels because they’re both about 6 inches shorter than me. I really wasn’t thinking when I gave them these simple guidelines. I didn’t want to be a bridezilla and dictate what dress the have to buy, but goodness. Yardsales? Flip-flops down the aisle? Ankle length gowns made of lycra? I just… *bangs head against a wall*
Post # 5
I told my two bridesmaids that I wanted them to wear something blue that wasn’t strap less. They managed to find a classy, simple, dress that we all loved and it was below budget (I’m paying for them). So we were all very happy!
Hope your girls manage to find something that would suit you all!
Post # 6
@Overjoyed: Yeah I’d say you just have to tighten your guidelines a bit. You aren’t being a bridezilla, at all! My girls actually prefered to have a few guidelines. I guarantee you, they want to look their best and they want you to be happy with your wedding look. But if you’re dealing with someone with no sense of style, you realize of course, and she probably does too, that she needs a bit more help. 🙂
Post # 7
I thought everyone knew that good high-quality full length dresses of any type cost at least $100 (barring some type of coupon or mega sale or something). I’m taken aback by the amount of pleading I have to do to make this lady understand that I’m not asking her to do anything out of the ordinary. I hadn’t paid a lot of attention to it before I started planning my wedding, but she really doesn’t own anything that (1) cost more than $20; (2) is made of an actual textile. Don’t even get me started on shoes. Amazing.
Post # 8
I can relate… 2 out of 3 BMs are my FI’s younger sisters and we really differ in tastes. We’re in the shoe shopping phase … dear oh dear:(
For the dress I had pre-selected 5 styles in one specific brand, and they had to pick one of those. Maybe this approach could work for you? If all else fails, you can pay for the dress if your budget can absorb it?
Post # 9
@annabelle_lee: Good idea. I guess I can choose some dresses and let them choose among them.
I won’t be absorbing the cost of my cousin’s dress. Why? Because she CAN afford it! She just doesn’t want to. She has very expensive taste in other things and she and I regularly get together and spend excessively. lolol. I just hadn’t noticed that she has a problem with normal (not even expensive) priced clothing until now.
Post # 10
I’d send some suggestions their way – just because you said they could chose, doesn’t mean ou can’t help facilitate the process!
Post # 11
@Overjoyed: What if you sent her some samples of dresses that would work. If she is having a hard time spending that much – what about looking elsewhere?
I *LOVE* modcloth for finding dresses. But there is also dilliards, macys, forever 21, etc etc etc. I think you could find some cute things and show her that she doesn’t have to break the bank and can still be within your theme/colors.
Navy Blue $52Teal with Rosette $64Teal Empire $59
Just some ideas to help get started….
EDIT: Here are a few more:
Teal with pleats $35
lol –this one is in ‘stretch jersey’ so she’ll feel like she’s in lycra!
Post # 12
I sent her this inspiration board:
So, not only have I not been able to find this girl for about 2 months–therefore I didn’t know whether she had been looking for a dress and/or whether she was even still planning to be in the wedding–but when she surfaced, she showed up with the most god-awful bridesmaid dress option I’ve ever seen. Could this dress be any LESS like the ones I put on the board for her? I specifically asked for strapless or one shoulder (and she immediately complained that she doesn’t own a strapless bra. Ummm…she’s 30. I kinda don’t really feel like that’s an acceptable answer to my request. Would you insist on wearing sneakers to your best friends wedding because you don’t own dress shoes as a grown woman?)
She doesn’t believe in wearing good quality clothing, so all she sees in this dress is the fact that it cost $28. She doesn’t see the cheap stretchy lycra material, the hideously obvious smocked elastic waistband or the fact that it must be worn with a freaking undershirt to be acceptable for public viewing. Or maybe she does see it and doesn’t see anything wrong with it. I send her 6 solid dresses in diverse colors and she sends me white beach coverups with freaking peacock feathers screenprinted all over them. Why ME lord?!
I told her that no matter what she definitely cannot wear that to my wedding, but haven’t had any other discussion about it. What to do? What to do?!
Post # 13
@Overjoyed: i’m just seeing this for the first time. a yardsale? dead. lol
Post # 14
Uh, the idea of spending 3 digits on a dress I don’t want and probably won’t wear again is pretty gross to me too. Especially if it requires me to wear something strapless. Not everyone is comfortable in a strapless bra. Just saying.
I think you need to bring down your expectations a little and find something in HER price range, not yours, or else buy the dress for her.
Post # 15
Also what’s with all of the scoffing about yard sales? They’re a legitimate way to score deals, and I’ve bought some very nice stuff at them. Not likely that she would happen upon a dress in her size to your specifications, but there is no harm in looking.
The only thing I find repulsive in this thread is the condescending, patronizing attitude you exhibit toward someone so dear to you that she is your Maid/Matron of Honor. How hurt do you think she would feel if she saw this thread?
Post # 16
@Bebealways: our convo went like this:
Me: will you be my MOH?
Her: of course! I can’t wait to start buying stuff! What do I need to get? crepe paper and rose petals and ish?
Me: No. I’d like you to focus on the dress
Her: oh. that’s it? I was gonna put in at least a couple grand towards the expenses
Me: No need for that, just buy a dress, please
Her: ok, how much?
Me: umm, IDK, somewhere around $100
Her: wait, WHAT?! Omg, NEVER! That’s way too much for a dress. I’m gonna check the yardsales and see what I can find (same lady who without prompting was going to give me thousands of dollars I didn’t want or need)
As an aside, she spent more than I spent on my WEDDING DRESS for her hair extensions that she’ll be wearing to my wedding. That is all.