Post # 1
My MOH/sister just bi#ched me out. She semi-planned a bachelorette party for this Saturday by sending out a vague save the weekend email a month ago. No date, no time, no information. Then she sent an email last Friday saying that the party is on Saturday afternoon, still with no time or solid plans. There were only a handful of people invited in the first place but now most of them have replied ‘no’ since they assumed the party would be in the evening and they already made plans for the day. After calling her this afternoon to get a precise time for the 3 people who still said they would attend, she yelled at me for being demanding. I suggested changing the plans and to the evening since most people can make it and she yelled at me more saying that I am being a drama queen and that it’s not her fault that people didn’t leave the whole weekend open. At that point, I got upset and I said that if she’s too busy and since it sounds like the party is such a burden, we should just cancel it. Then she flipped out and let’s just say that we ended the conversation on a bad note. Maybe she just has some personal issues that I don’t know about, but now I don’t know what to do… she still didn’t give me the time of the party. Am I being the drama queen???
Post # 3
I don’t really think you’re being a drama queen. You had good reason to want to know the time. I think sometimes the bridal party plans things, and when the bride asks for specifics, they can freak out, because they feel like they’ve put more money or energy into it than they thought they should have. And feel like you are being demanding by asking for more. (Even though, in this case, it seems as though your sister didn’t put too much work into it.) I think it’s also possible that she’s trying to make something of a surprise, and doesn’t want you to ruin it. (I’ll admit, that one’s far fetched in your circumstance.)
A few things to think about. Is it possible that outside of the bachelorette you have been "demanding" about stuff? Have you been on top of the girls more than you need to be? Have you asked them to pay for an expensive dress without check with them about finances? Have you been making unsolicited requests regarding your shower? Did you ask/expect her to throw a bachelorette? After a shower, gifts, dresses, etc., a bach might be too much for her. have you just been talking nonstop about the wedding, and it’s wearing on her?
Or maybe it’s something else. Is she jealous? Is she older and single? Perhaps she’s running into problems with the other Bms. (Ie. they aren’t paying for anything.) Does she feel like for a bachelorette party she has to be a host and pay for everyone’s way?
Post # 4
No. Not at all. She is. She was too vague and it seems a bit undisisive. I agree with Tanya.
Try to sit down and talk to her about it. That should help.
Post # 5
Thanks Bees for your support. I’ve been pretty laid back about her ‘responsibilities’ so far, I think. She and another bridesmaid chose their dresses so it’s probably not too expensive for their budgets. I OK’ed the dress sight unseen. I didn’t ask for anything in particular for the bridal shower – my mom paid for the whole thing and since she loves to cook, she made some sandwiches and finger foods. She offered to throw the bachelorette party, too. And I’m grateful for the things she’s done, but weary of having to ask her to help out in the few weeks before the wedding.
Exactly as Tanya said, I suspect she might be jealous. But if that’s the case, it’s going to be hard to talk about these problems and to move on from them. I know I should though. Thanks again!
Post # 6
Uggg, sorry travelchick. I think other than "is" and "the", the word "jealous" has to be the most popular word on WB. In a strange way, I was kind of hoping that you were being hard on her. That way it would be something you could fix to make it better….
I have empathy for girls who are jealous. Ironically, I got married fairly young, so I was never in the situation. But I think as a teen, I always felt like, I would never get married. I think many of us who are experiencing jealous Bms, would probably lose some objectivity and become the jealous Bm, if the shoe was on the other foot.
The only thing I can think of is to make sure you’re not bombarding her with wedding details. Your mom sounds supportive. So maybe you can go to her for what you need. Once the wedding is over, she’ll probably settle down. And regardless of how well she does as Maid/Matron of Honor, be sure to give her a sweet gift with sappy sisterly sentiments. That will remind her to appreciate the special people she does have in her life.
Post # 7
It could also be that she’s frustrated that she’s not able to accomodate every single person. Event planning isn’t always the easiest. She probably expected people would keep the weekend open, hoping to surprise you one way or another but when people actually declined – it probably stressed her out too much. Another thought is that she isn’t much of an event planner, even if she wanted to be.