Post # 1
I had asked my best friend to be the Maid/Matron of Honor in my Feb 2013 wedding and of course she said yes. That was in May of this year and I started planning right away because I already had less than a year to plan and I love to plan I have dreamed of this day for almost 30 years now. Well I of course talk about my wedding ALOT.. I mean I am only doing this once right? Well you would think that the people who love you would be happy for you and support you… WRONG.. My so called “best friend” and Maid/Matron of Honor was late for everything, bridal shows, her dress fitting and she even failed to pick up her Maid/Matron of Honor dress when it came in. I had to pick it up and when I asked her to go with me to go dress shopping for my mom she said she was to busy.. See she now has a new friend and was being really nasty to me and never had time for anything even when I would call her to see if she just wanted to go to a movie. This new friend of hers was always giving me dirty looks and I was told by several people that she really just didn’t like me. My best friend finally told me that she didn’t want to be in my wedding.. For no reason other than I talk about my wedding to much!!! So I told her that I would bring her dress to her (we work together) but I never did because I was praying that things would get better I really wanted her to be a part of my wedding because I couldn’t imagin going thru this without her by my side she is like my sister. My father passed away 6 years ago in Nov and on the anniversary I woke up to a text from her telling me to bring her, her dress or that she would just come and get it. I told her that I would bring it to her and that I was sorry but that I just hoped that things would get better between us. She then sent me a message saying that she was sorry she forgot what that day was and that she too hoped that things would get better and that she didn’t want to talk about it today and then less than a minute later she said to much has been said and she wished me nothing but the best. I never said anything bad about this person because I love her like a sister but I am so very hurt by her and I hate knowing that she is not going to be a part of this wonderful time in my life. I asked another friend to step up and be the Maid/Matron of Honor and she said yes but her and I have only been friends a few years and I feel bad that she is basically my second choice I don’t want to ask her for help with anything. Now I don’t really want to have a bachelorette party or a bridal shower and because I want to do it withought my best friend. I cry just thinking about it and I don’t know what to do. Is it wrong of me to ask my new Maid/Matron of Honor to help with this kind of stuff?
Post # 3
Sorry this happened to you. I suspect you will get a lot of replies telling you that you’re in the wrong and the Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t have to do anything for you.
I’m not going to go there, all I will recommend is that you call your friend and do what you can to save the friendship. A wedding is one day, a friendship is supposed to last a lifetime. Good luck!
Post # 4
wow, that really sucks. That is no way to treat a friend. Maybe you could send her a letter or email saying what you said here and see how/if she responds.
Ask your new Maid/Matron of Honor how much she is willing and able to participate with each of the things that need to be done. Maybe write down a list and just go over it with her.
Post # 5
@MrsUNClover: Oh no, that sounds terrible. Friends are people with their own issues, but I always have the hope that people put their sh*t aside for a friend’s wedding. I definitely agree that you find out who your true friends are and it sucks finding out when you’re in the midst of planning your wedding.
Talk to your new Maid/Matron of Honor honestly and tell her that you chose the original person because you two were super close before but now “not so much”. Ask her what she’s comfortable contributing (in terms of helping) etc. Set out expectations/responsibilites early on!
Post # 6
It sounds like her being a part of your wedding was the proverbial “straw that broke the camel’s back”. Were the two of you having an issues leading up to your engagement, any fights, any problems? After she began her role as Maid/Matron of Honor, were you arguing about your expectations versus her actions? It seems very trivial that she would end a friendship because you talked too much about your wedding (who does that!?). My only other idea would be that something is going on in her life that you don’t know about…maybe she feels like you haven’t been there for her because your focus has been solely on the wedding?
I talked my sister’s ear off (and she called me on it often) when she was helping me plan my big day. It’s natural for brides to be excited and chatty – and we often times forget that everyone else doesn’t really care (not because they are unkind, but because it’s just not interesting to them!) I hope that you two are eventually able to mend fences, but I would suggest waiting until after the big day. Once bridal frenzy is over and you can concentrate on picking up the pieces…you two have a better chance of being friends again. Best of luck, OP!
Post # 7
@MrsUNClover: Sorry you’re experiencing this. Planning a wedding is stressful enough and your friends should be there to support you. I don’t really have any advice, but wanted you to know I hope things work out for you.
Post # 8
We weren’t really having any issues befor I got engaged. We weren’t spending as much time together as we used to. But she said that she understood because I was always with my fiance. As for telling her what I said here I have and much much more. I told her that even if she chose not to be a part of my special day that I would still love her and that I would always consider her my best friend and that I really wish she could be there for me when I need her just as I have always been there for her. I would go crazy helping her if the shoe were on the other foot. We always talked about our wedding days together and always said we would be each others MOH’s. That is how it is supposed to be. When my “best friend” told me that I was talking about my wedding to much I told her I was sorry and explained that it was because I was happy! I have been a single mom for 11 years. I have two beautiful kids and I never thought I would meet a man who would want a ready made family and then BAM it happend!! I re connected with someone I have known since I was in 4th grade and he is the most amazing man and he loves me and MY KIDS and they love him. Everything has fallen into place for us and I feel so blessed and I just wanted to share that joy with the ones that I love. To be honest I think this post was more of me just venting.. I love my new Maid/Matron of Honor and she has been the biggest help with wedding planning even before she because my Maid/Matron of Honor. She is so awesome and I am so lucky to have her as a friend and Maid/Matron of Honor. Yes having the parties would be nice but in the end all that matters is I get to marry my ture best friend and have him and my kids by my side forever!
Post # 9
I’m sorry you are going through this. Wedding planning is suppose to be a fun time although it does turn stressful. You’ve waited all this time for the right guy, you want the right dress and want everything to be perfect. It takes up all of your spare time and totally consumes you. Even though other people are happy for you, they are not going to be on the same level of excitement that your at 24/7. I only had one Bridesmaid or Best Man that lived in the same city as I do and she didn’t do anything until the week of my wedding. One of my ushers was there with me every step of the way. Seriously I can sell her to other brides and make a lot of money.
Try talking to your friend. If she doesn’t want to be in the wedding you have to respect her wishes. I really think this is minor and you guys can mend your friendship. Fingers crossed for you!
Post # 10
I’m so glad that your new Maid/Matron of Honor is such a help and that you’re doing better 🙂
Post # 11
@MsMindle: Agreed that it sounds like this was the ‘straw that broke the camel’s back.’ Also, thanks for saying this:
It seems very trivial that she would end a friendship because you talked too much about your wedding (who does that!?).
@MrsUNClover: I am in a similar boat – My best friend ended our friendship because I was too focused on my wedding (her words) and she had ‘ultimately gravitated in a new direction.’ (her words.) This after 20 years of friendshp and me being there for her wedding (when she was totally focused on it.)
At least yours wished you the best. Mine told me to ‘respect her family’s privacy from this point forward.’ (what a f*** bleeeeep bleeeeep)
Weddings seem to bring out the true colours in people or relationships. Sorry that she did that to you.