Post # 1
Ok, I need some help with this because I am really upset with my sister who is my Maid/Matron of Honor. Backstory: My sister is a little on the heavy side but none of my other bridesmaids are. The bridesmaids all want short dresses since its a June wedding but my sister wanted a long dress because she doesnt like her legs. That works out just fine since she’s Maid/Matron of Honor she can look a little different to stand out as my special girl. However… My sister and I dont really get along. Its just the two of us girls and she’s 4 years older. She’s always been really jealous since Im thinner and had better luck with guys in the past. Last May I was Maid/Matron of Honor in her wedding and I wanted so badly to make sure her day was extra extra special since she was getting the wonderful wedding that most of us were thinking would never come. I spent over $1000 being her Maid/Matron of Honor, I had just graduated college and took a part time job on top of my full time job to help pay for my duties in the wedding. I worked between 60-70 hrs each week for her sake. For our bridesmaids dresses in her wedding we paid, 128,148, and 168. We each had a slightly different style but basically the same dress.
Sooo… here’s the problem.
I had been messaging my girls different dresses to see what styles they like and we all really liked this one dress. But then my sister suggested we did black dresses instead of fuschia that way we could just go the the store and get them off the rack somewhere. I was fine with that because originally she said she wanted a short dress also. But when she changed her mind and said she wanted a long dress I looked and looked and couldn’t find any reasonably priced stores that had a long and short dress style that matched.
So.. I was looking again at the orginal dress that I really really loved in fuschia and decided that was the one I really want my girls to wear. The short dresses were $99 but the long version of the dress was $199. Well I think that too much for a dress so I found one very similar but not exact from the same designer that is $159. I should also note that all of my bridesmaids, but not Maid/Matron of Honor, kept telling me that it is my wedding and I should just choose a dress and they will wear it. So I emailed my mom and sister the links to the 2 dresses and said I finally made my decision on the dresses because I really love these dresses.
Well… as I was walking out of work I got a call from my sister. As soon as I said “Hello?” I got an ear full of screaming!!!!! She was like, you expect me to spend $159 on a bridesmaids dress?!!?!? How dare you make a decision without talking to me first! And on and on and on… it got so bad I started crying and then she hung up on me.
Mom said she talked to my sister and offered to help pay for the dress because the dresses are beautiful and would look wonderful on all of the ladies. Ugghh I just don’t know.. she hasn’t called to apologize for screaming at me and I know she won’t which means I will see her at Thanksgiving and not know what to say to her… she’s been bullying me my entire like but I honestly didnt think that she would be so mean about my own wedding!!! Am I the one in the wrong here????
Post # 3
@LLRininger: Try and talk it out with her. Share that you had done your best to be a good Maid/Matron of Honor and not once complained about money to her. If she keeps acting childish and doesn’t apologize, you may need to find a new Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@LLRininger: WHOA! Sorry you’re dealing with this.
I’ve got to say in the first paragraph you sound a little harsh towards your sister, but that could just be what you’re currently going through with her rubbing off.
I’d remind her (once she’s calmed down!) that that is a good average price for a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress (and in fact it’s right in the range of what people paid for dresses in HER wedding). Nice of your Mom to offer to help to settle the dispute.
You went above and beyond getting another job to participate in sister’s wedding and it does sound like she’s trying to run yours a little, not that this is right of her, but she may think she’s “helping” because she already went through all of this and is married.
Post # 5
Yikes! To be perfectly honest though, I think you both are in the wrong. You really should have asked her before you looked at dresses what her and the rest of your BMs’ budgets are. It’s pretty clear that you were trying to keep costs down, but sometimes even $100 is too much for someone to pay. Having said that, I think your sister was waaay out of line calling you up and yelling at you. She should have expressed her concern in a much more calm and rational matter.
I think moving foward, I would be the bigger person and call your sister and apologize for not getting her budget beforehand. I would then get her budget and either find a dress within that price range or offer to cover the difference. Hopefully when you do this your sister will apologize for overreacting. If not, I would do my best to let it go and not involve her in any other wedding details.
Post # 6
When I was talking to her on the phone I told her that we paid just as much for her bridesmaids dresses and she just kept saying that was “Their decision” because my dresses was the cheapest since it was short. I also told her she could wear the short dress for $99 if she wanted. I know she doesnt like her legs but she wears short dresses to other events so I dont think its a big deal. I have been tempted to demote her to Bridesmaid or Best Man and have my best friend be Maid/Matron of Honor because I know she would be soooo much more supportive and caring rather than demanding and bullying but I know how my sister is. If I demoted her she would drop out of the wedding and never speak to me again. There is not a doubt in my mind that that is exactly what she would do.
I dont mean to sound harsh but my sister is just a mean person. That is why my parents and I thought she would never get married. She doesnt know how to be nice most of the time, and especially when it comes to me. She has always been horrible to me but I thought that now that we are older we could finally have a normal sister relationship. I have tried so hard the past few years but when I think things are going good, something like this happens. 🙁
Post # 7
I have been sending the girls links to dresses for months. I asked them all what their budgets were but no one would give me a clear answer. The dress that was $99 was the one that we ALL loved. But that was before she decided she wanted a long dress. Everyone just kept telling me to make a decision and whatever I choose would be fine!
Post # 8
As a PP said I think you were both wrong. I get sister dynamics can be hard, I have two but be the adult and calmly talk to her about the dress. I don’t think having your mom play interefence is going to help.
I hope you re-read your comments on your sister:
” My sister is a little on the heavy side but none of my other bridesmaids are”
“She’s always been really jealous since Im thinner and had better luck with guys in the past.”
“my sister is just a mean person. That is why my parents and I thought she would never get married.”
You seem to be pretty hasrsh towards her as well.
Post # 9
@LLRininger: I feel for you. I am sorry you have to be going through this. This is suppose to be your time and people that are in your party should be supportive and caring, specially your Maid/Matron of Honor.
I think you should wait few days and have a serious conversation on how you feel and that this shouldn’t be so hard. Tell her you love her and that you are really trying to accomodate her, but this is your wedding and your choices and ask for more support and understanding on her part.
Looks to me that your sister is makign this about her rather then stepping away and lettign you have the light.
Post # 10
@ieatunicorns: totally agree.
I was reading this and thought YIKES. OP, YOU sound like the mean person.
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center
Pull out the reciept from the money you spent on being her Maid/Matron of Honor and ask her again if she has a problem. then to shut up and pass the stuffing
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center
Sistership is tough. both sisters have the capasity to be horrible bitches to each other.
Post # 13
@ltcolumbo: How am I the mean person? Just because Im being honest? My parents and I never said to her face that she wasnt going to get married, it was just a genuine concern for her. And Im sorry if you think I’m the one being mean when my sister who is 4 years older (and 3X’s my size for the majority of my life) used to beat the crap out of me when my parents werent home and then bribe me or threaten me if I showed my parents the bruises!! I love my sister but SHE is the mean one and everyone in my family knows it. She has been bullying me my entire life and Im just getting really sick of it!!
Post # 14
@LLRininger: used to beat the crap out of me when my parents werent home and then bribe me or threaten me if I showed my parents the bruises
Did this happen recently or something?
Post # 15
@Sapphire-Dreamer: Lol! “…and pass the stuffing.” +1 Agreed!
I would either tell her for her to buy her own dress to her liking and not care what she gets just to keep her from arguing with me for every little thing. That’s if you’re not picky about what she wears.
Or get her budget, pay the difference or take your mom up on her offer to help.
Demote her to Bridesmaid or Best Man or don’t have her in the wedding at all. If you don’t care about the consequences of doing that.
Ignore her on Thanksgiving day if she starts bringing up the wedding in a negative way.
Just have a talk with her and express everything you’re feeling and good or bad, at least everything is out in the open. what more can you do.
Post # 16
disagree. first statement – fact, and explains why her sister doesn’t want her legs showing; nowhere did she say that being heavy was a bad thing, just that it made her and her other girls on different pages re: bm dresses. and then said that she would accomodate that by letting her have a different one.
other two statements – a little mean, but she’s caught up in emotion and it’s how she’s interpreted her sisters’ past actions. true? maybe, maybe not. but i think it highlights the dysfunction in the this relationship more than it serves as proof that she’s a bitch.
@OP – the sentence that jumped out to me was “My sister and I dont really get along.” everything past that just goes to reinforce that sentiment. WHY would you have someone you don’t get along with in your wedding party? not to mention she’s been “bullying [you your] entire life”. if that was my sister she wouldn’t even be invited – why force a relationship that clearly doesn’t exist? it is your prerogative however.
at this point, i’d give her options: same dress, longer dress, sit it out. tell her how much effort you put into making hers better/easier, and then tell her while you don’t EXPECT her to do the same for you, you DO expect her not to make it more stressful, and to act in a more rational manner going forward; while she’s welcome to voice concerns, throwing temper tantrums will get her removed in the future (you don’t have to say that last bit if you don’t want to – but do tell her it’s unreasonable, immature, not a stressor you’re signing up for, and then seriously consider what you’ll do if she throws another hissy fit)