Post # 1
SO i dont even know where to begin or if anyone has ever had any similar issues. but i am beyond stressed out and am at the point of not even wanting a bridal shower anymore. i could really use some advice.
my maid of honor is my best friend since i was a little girl, she is obsessive when it comes to planning bc she wants everything to be perfect and she really enjoys doing it, but she has alot on her plate and is overwhelmed. For what ever reason, i wasnt included in the planning of my bridal shower which is a completely different issue, but she planned everything and gave my bridesmaids a breakdown of cost. obviously some of them had things to say because they had no say in any of it it was just basically told to them, which to a certain extent i can understand where their concerns are from. however, anytime any of them or i try to suggest a solution to my Maid/Matron of Honor about letting the other bridesmaids help, different ideas, doing things a slightly different way she fights me on it. i know she doesnt trust them to do things how she wants them done, but i do. my argument is that its up to all of them not only her to help out and to pitch in to take some of the stress off my Maid/Matron of Honor. (im on her side with somethings, and the bridesmaids with others) I tried to take charge and say what i wanted and what i didnt, talked to each girl invididually about what they felt comfortable with etc. which resulted in a huge fight that ended up getting me involved because anytime my Maid/Matron of Honor doesnt want to deal with something a girl she doesnt particularly like says, “doesnt have time for this”, what ever “this” is, or just doesnt like what someone has to say im the one that gets dragged in. i dont know what to do. now because my Maid/Matron of Honor knows im extremely stressed out about the entire situation and i’ve been upset multiple times shes taking it as im upset with what shes doing vs. me being upset with the situation that things have gotten this out of control. everytime i try and offer a solution im assuming shes taking it the wrong way. today she basically told me off bc another bridesmaid brought up that im stressed out/upset about the shower and told me she doesnt have time for my shower and me and she thinks that i dont want her help or involvement which obviously isnt the case. what my maid of honor said to me basically resulted in me flipping out because im beyond stressed out and now she wont talk to me.
WHAT. DO. I. DO. ????
i’m at the point that i dont even want a bridal shower anymore.
Post # 2
Reality check- they have no obligation at all to consult with you, other than perhaps the guest list.
They are adults. Stay out of it. If you get a shower, you get a shower. If you don’t, things are good because you already said that you don’t even want a shower anymore.
Post # 3
Generally you aren’t but involved in any of the planning…like pp said showers aren’t a given stay out of it.
Post # 4
Stay out of it. The bride does not plan her own shower, nor should she be involved in the planning – other than providing a guest list and dates she’s available. Let your hostesses work out whatever issues they have amongst themselves.
Post # 5
1. “For whatever reason” = because it’s a gift-giving party in honor of you and your wedding. You don’t throw your own parties honoring yourself. You’re not supposed to have anything to do with it. Period. If they ask for your input, such as guest list, you give it. But that’s the extent to your involvement.
2. No one is obligated to throw you parties. They are entirely optional and should be offered out of the kindness of the party host’s heart. No one in your wedding party is obligated to throw you one. By that token, anyone can offer to throw one, even if they aren’t in your wedding party.
3. Maid/Matron of Honor can’t have it both ways – she can’t be a busybody dictator party planner having things exactly her own way and expect people to just throw money at her to accomplish it. She either cohosts the party because people want to cohost and share in the planning and costs and she relaxes her ironfist grip on everything because everyone gets input when they pay, including how much they can afford…OR she gets to have control over everything, but that means she also pays for everything and she is the only host.
So, in theory, because of #1, you should just stay out of it and let everyone else work it out for themselves. Depending on my mood, I’d probably be willing to tell my Maid/Matron of Honor she’s going overboard and she can’t dictate how people spend their money so she needs to either be more inclusive, just do it herself, or just stop and not have a shower at all. Tell her they need to work out which one and then peace out on the whole situation.
Post # 6
So just don’t have a bridal shower.
You should have only minimal involvement–dates you’re available, guest list–and let them handle it. Yes, your Maid/Matron of Honor was out of line to not consult with the other bridesmaids, especially regarding costs and hopefully your other BMs are grown up enough to handle it.
So, either extricate yourself from this situation and let them work it out or suggest canceling it.
Post # 7
As PPs pointed out, brides aren’t usually invovled in the planning of the shower. They are typically consulted about the date, time, guestlist and occasionally location, but that’s about it. So don’t feel bad that they didn’t include you.
As for as your MOH/BMs issue, your Maid/Matron of Honor is being kinda of a bitch. You don’t get to dictate a party they send a bill to the BMs when they’ve had zero input unless the BMs are 100% on board (which unfortunatly, it doesn’t sound like they are). Since she’s a really good friend, I personally think it would be wise to tell her she’s being unfair to the other BMs. Tell her you love her, you appreciate she’s trying to throw you an awesome shower, but that it’s not fair to demand the BMs pay but not let them have any say into how their hard-earned money is being spent. Ask her how she would feel if the other BMs took over everything, excluded her, and then sent her a bill?
If your Maid/Matron of Honor continues to be unreasonable and it’s stressing you and everyone else out, it might be best just to decline the shower she’s throwing. It sucks because they can be a lot of fun, but at some point, the stress and strain on your friendships just isn’t worth it.
Post # 8
<— what she said. I would also be concerned that your Maid/Matron of Honor is going to affect how your other bridesmaids feel about you. It’s not your fault she’s being a controlling bitch, but from the other bridesmaids’ point of view, you are letting her steamroll them. NOT that you truly are, I know you are trying to fix things, but it’s not working.
Personally I would cancel the shower – I know that would cause an even bigger bitch fit from your Maid/Matron of Honor, but the current situation is not going to end well anyway, so might as well rip the bandaid off now.
Post # 9
Stay out of it as others have said . BUT you may have to have a talk eventually with moh. She needs to get other bms input before handing them a bill!