(Closed) MOH/bridesmaids cant agree on bridal shower … HELP

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
47411 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
mmnv1291 :  Reality check- they have no obligation at all to consult with you, other than perhaps the guest list.

They are adults. Stay out of it. If you get a shower, you get a shower. If you don’t, things are good because you already said that you don’t even want a shower anymore.

Post # 3
251 posts
Helper bee

Generally you aren’t but involved in any of the planning…like pp said showers aren’t a given stay out of it. 

Post # 4
1039 posts
Bumble bee

Stay out of it.  The bride does not plan her own shower, nor should she be involved in the planning – other than providing a guest list and dates she’s available.  Let your hostesses work out whatever issues they have amongst themselves. 

Post # 5
4885 posts
Honey bee

1.  “For whatever reason” = because it’s a gift-giving party in honor of you and your wedding.  You don’t throw your own parties honoring yourself.  You’re not supposed to have anything to do with it.  Period.  If they ask for your input, such as guest list, you give it.  But that’s the extent to your involvement.

2.  No one is obligated to throw you parties.  They are entirely optional and should be offered out of the kindness of the party host’s heart.  No one in your wedding party is obligated to throw you one.  By that token, anyone can offer to throw one, even if they aren’t in your wedding party.

3.  Maid/Matron of Honor can’t have it both ways – she can’t be a busybody dictator party planner having things exactly her own way and expect people to just throw money at her to accomplish it.  She either cohosts the party because people want to cohost and share in the planning and costs and she relaxes her ironfist grip on everything because everyone gets input when they pay, including how much they can afford…OR she gets to have control over everything, but that means she also pays for everything and she is the only host.

So, in theory, because of #1, you should just stay out of it and let everyone else work it out for themselves.  Depending on my mood, I’d probably be willing to tell my Maid/Matron of Honor she’s going overboard and she can’t dictate how people spend their money so she needs to either be more inclusive, just do it herself, or just stop and not have a shower at all.  Tell her they need to work out which one and then peace out on the whole situation.   

Post # 6
7853 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

So just don’t have a bridal shower.

You should have only minimal involvement–dates you’re available, guest list–and let them handle it. Yes, your Maid/Matron of Honor was out of line to not consult with the other bridesmaids, especially regarding costs and hopefully your other BMs are grown up enough to handle it.

So, either extricate yourself from this situation and let them work it out or suggest canceling it. 

Post # 7
2701 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

As PPs pointed out, brides aren’t usually invovled in the planning of the shower.  They are typically consulted about the date, time, guestlist and occasionally location, but that’s about it.  So don’t feel bad that they didn’t include you.

As for as your MOH/BMs issue, your Maid/Matron of Honor is being kinda of a bitch.  You don’t get to dictate a party they send a bill to the BMs when they’ve had zero input unless the BMs are 100% on board (which unfortunatly, it doesn’t sound like they are).  Since she’s a really good friend, I personally think it would be wise to tell her she’s being unfair to the other BMs.  Tell her you love her, you appreciate she’s trying to throw you an awesome shower, but that it’s not fair to demand the BMs pay but not let them have any say into how their hard-earned money is being spent.  Ask her how she would feel if the other BMs took over everything, excluded her, and then sent her a bill?

If your Maid/Matron of Honor continues to be unreasonable and it’s stressing you and everyone else out, it might be best just to decline the shower she’s throwing.  It sucks because they can be a lot of fun, but at some point, the stress and strain on your friendships just isn’t worth it.

Post # 8
3677 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
RunsWithBears :  <— what she said. I would also be concerned that your Maid/Matron of Honor is going to affect how your other bridesmaids feel about you. It’s not your fault she’s being a controlling bitch, but from the other bridesmaids’ point of view, you are letting her steamroll them. NOT that you truly are, I know you are trying to fix things, but it’s not working.

Personally I would cancel the shower – I know that would cause an even bigger bitch fit from your Maid/Matron of Honor, but the current situation is not going to end well anyway, so might as well rip the bandaid off now.

Post # 9
3102 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Stay out of it as others have said . BUT you may have to have a talk eventually with moh. She needs to get other bms input before handing them a bill!

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