(Closed) MOH/Bridesmaids duty to pay

posted 4 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
127 posts
Blushing bee

I’m new to this. Why would the bridesmaids have to pay when it’s the bride that wants the extravagant event? Shouldn’t it fall on her financially?

Post # 3
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

700$ for bridesmaids dresses? My wedding dress didn’t even cost that much! Kitchen tea? I’m guessing that’s her type of bridal shower? I do not know what that is to be honest but 10000 is to much to fork over especially if she’s planning on the bridesmaids to pay for it. You can have a wedding for that price!  I would talk to her and mention your concerns because this just sounds overly ridiculous. Your friend sounds like a bridezilla. Good luck! 

Post # 4
1471 posts
Bumble bee

I would sit down and present her with an excel sheet. Explain how much the wedding is already costing you with the dress and hair. Then present the tea budget and explain that unless she pays for it it’s impossible. has she said that she is expecting you to pay or have you had a conversation about the budget and who is paying what? if she throws a tantrum then I would step down.

I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to approach the parents. I think should.approach the bride and she can approach parents.

I’ve never in my life bought a piece of clothing worth $700 and I don’t love my best friend so much that I would be willing to do that for her wedding.

Post # 5
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

“I’m sorry, that isn’t in my budget.” $700 for a bridesmaids dress is utterly ridiculous on its own – she should have asked you what you were comfortable spending, and found a dress that cost less than that, and this “kitchen tea” idea is waaaaaay out of line.  Work out what you can afford to spend, and let her know that your total budget for this wedding is $xxx.  Anything over and above that you are unable to contribute to.  

Just for comparison, I bought my bridesmaids their dresses, I paid for their hair and makeup, they threw a hen party which was lunch at a winery where everyone paid their own way and chipped in a little bit for my lunch, and I asked them to wear silver shoes (didn’t care what style, if they had a pair already then I was totally happy for them to wear thosej.  Your friend is being a total bridezilla and you’re quite within your rights to say NO.  If she kicks off, gracefully say that you think it better that you attend as a guest.

Post # 6
1746 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I would step down over a $700 dress never mind paying for a pré wedding event on top of that…

Post # 7
7555 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
rubyk1 :  Are you in Australia? Because if you are it is actually traditionally (and grab any reputable etiquette book like Ita Buttrose’s for reference) the brides job to pay for the dress.

Also a kitchen tea shouldn’t be some big to do. It is a party usually held at someone’s home but if they are held elsewhere it has been my experience that participants pay but kitchen teas are not gift giving parties (like bridal showers) but just a fun get together where traditionally other married women share the joys of marriage with the young single people whilst playing games.

You need to talk to the bride about realistic expectations, especially from poor uni students.

Post # 8
6237 posts
Bee Keeper

yeah… my wedding dress was under 100 and my wedding about 7000 — no way in hell would I be spending this much money on another bride and I’d probably have laughed my ass off assuming the “kitchen tea” was a joke at that cost (dress too, actually).  What is that anyway, is it a cultural thing I haven’t heard of?  I’d definitely be stepping down and rethinking any friend who would insist on such a thing from me.

Post # 9
503 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
sensoda :  I agree with this completely! (My own wedding gown didn’t even cost that much.)

Post # 10
3526 posts
Sugar bee

Agreed wtih PP’s- I would be out at the $700 dress, let alone anything else on top of that. 

Post # 11
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Yeah you need to nip this in the bud with the quickness. This girl sounds batshit. I dont know what a “kitchen tea” is but $10k is for many people a WEDDING BUDGET not a tea budget, jesus.

Post # 12
4798 posts
Honey bee

She can “want” all she wants.  It doesn’t mean she’s going to get it. 

I’ll assume kitchen tea is the same as a shower here.  Those are parties someone offers to throw you.  They are not required and it doesn’t have to be thrown by the Maid/Matron of Honor.  

If you want to throw her one, then as host you have final say over budget, venue, and number of guests.  Her only involvement is making sure she’s available that date and providing a guest list up to the number you can accommodate if you want to ask for a guest list.  Her other option is refuse.  So if you can only afford to host 12 people at your home, that is what you offer and she can either accept it graciously or refuse your offer and hope some one else is sitting around with 10 grand burning a whole in their pocket just dying to spend it on a party for her.

So, tell her this is out of your budget.  If you want to host a smaller affair then offer what you can.

Post # 13
7974 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

brides don’t plan their shower.  it is a party thrown in their honor.  you as the Maid/Matron of Honor and the bridesmaids come up with a party you want to host and can afford.

Post # 14
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Why don’t you rent out a local emergency squad building and then do decor and food yourselves? Emergency squads typically have tables and chairs you can use. You can still make it extremely cute and it would be SOOOO much more affordable. I’m sure the bride will love it!

Post # 15
9755 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Hell to the nah nah.

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