(Closed) MOH’s and BM’s I don’t know what to do

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Personally, I think it’s an honor enough to be a bridesmaid and think 3 would be a little crazy.  I am equally good friends with my BMs, but chose my Maid/Matron of Honor because we’ve been friends the longest, but it doesn’t mean that I am less honored by my bridesmaids or love them any less.  I think it’s a bit much to ask two additional people to be Maid/Matron of Honor just so one doesn’t feel left out… nor do I think you absolutely need to have two.  If your sister is young, then hopefully your mother will be able to help her out with whatever duties you expect of her.  You say you’re distant with her… this may be a good opportunity to get closer to each other.  

Post # 4
Member
2716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m really sorry to hear you lost your friend.  That really sucks.  However, I would just keep your sister as the only Maid/Matron of Honor.  It’s considered rude to promote your BMs – it has a tendency to make them feel like a replacement.

Post # 6
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

What do you mean, when the other girls ask?  All of my BMs are planning the shower together.  I don’t see why you need to “promote” (I really hate that word used in this context) anyone in order for them to be involved in your pre-wedding events. 

Post # 7
Member
2716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Anyone can plan your shower or bach party (except you of course)!  If your other BMs ask about it, you can just let them know that your sister isn’t planning anything.  Then if they want to throw you a party they will.  Also, if BMs ask your sister, she can also say she’s not planning anything, but would be happy to help.

Post # 8
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@fembride045: I agree with you. Its not a job.

Post # 11
Member
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Snow2bunny: I really dislike the use of “promote” and “demote” when it comes to BMs.  It’s not a job, it’s an honor!  I would leave it as just your sister.  You can certainly have a candid conversation with these girls and explain what they mean to you, but that after all you’ve been through with your previous Maid/Matron of Honor, it’s best to not add any more drama to the party and keep your sister with the honor. 

They can certainly still perform MOHly duties!  Just make them your go-to gals!  I definitely have BMs that I can talk to more about wedding stuff because they’ve been through it.  I have two MOHs and they’re more my planners so they love planning the bachelorette and stuff!

I say let it ride!

Post # 13
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

As far as shower planning goes, sit down with two of the girls and ask them if they would be up to plan you shower and ask another two about the bachelorette. I go with the ‘too many cooks spoil the broth’ attitude- a situation I’m currently in. In theory, all girls working together would be ideal but lets be honest here. Girls don’t work well together in groups a lot of times lol. Or you could whisper in gma’s or aunt’s ear about the dilemma and they may pick it up.

Post # 15
Member
2716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Snow2bunny:  Yeah, “preomote” and “deomote” aren’t the best words, but to me that’s bascially what brides do when they change around their bridal party after it has been selected.  I almost used “upgraded” and “downgraded” but I’m not sure they are any better.

I think asking if the spot is going to be filled it’s ok, but it’d be very rude of your Bridesmaid or Best Man to say that she should be the new Maid/Matron of Honor or pressure you into picking a new one.  I agree with MilksMom to tell them that you didn’t want any more drama or anyone to feel like a replacement so you decided to only keep your sister as Maid/Matron of Honor.

Also, my previous advice on what to do if people asks still stands.  If everyone is asking you about these parties, just tell them that no one has offered to throw you a party and your sister isn’t planning on hosting anything.  Hopefully they will decide they want to throw you a shower or bach party.

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