(Closed) MOH’s wedding too close to mine?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Depending on how big your wedding is, you might really need a good Maid/Matron of Honor. If she thinks she should step down, let her. She’s actually doing you a favor by recognizing what might cause trouble later. Because if you choose a new Maid/Matron of Honor, she could feel like having the old Maid/Matron of Honor still plan the bach party could be construed as stepping on toes.

I would ask her to think of a comfortable way she can participate in your big day (a reading or something) without being your Maid/Matron of Honor. You’ll have your friendship intact and a Maid/Matron of Honor who you can rely on.

 

Post # 4
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am not of the camp where the Maid/Matron of Honor needs to plan everything and make your wedding her #1 priority. I think that as long as she is there for you on that day, she has fufilled her duties. You chose her for a reason, so don’t feel that you need a new Maid/Matron of Honor just because your weddings are close.

Post # 5
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@missapis: I agree with this.  It would be great if my Maid/Matron of Honor planned my bachelorette and gave a speech, but I don’t even expect her to do those things if she can’t (and she knows that).  She’s my Maid/Matron of Honor because she’s my closest friend.

Post # 6
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think in some ways, she might be the perfect Maid/Matron of Honor, as she has just gone through her own wedding and will either know all the pitfalls or be able to sympathize with why certain details are important.

Many bees complain about their BMs or MOHs not being involved enough or caring enough, but sometimes it just comes down to the fact that these ladies haven’t planned their own wedding – so they don’t have the same perspective as a bride!

As long as she is around for your main events, I think it would be fine.

Post # 7
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@missapis: I agree. All of my BMs are in the wedding party because I can’t imagine getting ready on my wedding day and standing up without them there. I have 6 BMs, which everyone says is a lot, but they are all close (and we have no Maid/Matron of Honor since I couldn’t pick just one!). I honestly don’t expect them to throw me a bridal shower or bachelorette party at all. I know that stuff can be a lot of planning and expensive, but I’d rather have each one of them with me on the big day than have them step down for not planning, personally.

I think that as long as your Maid/Matron of Honor is there for you on the wedding day and is prepared (has the dress), she shouldn’t have to do anything else.

Post # 8
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ask yourself what are your true expectations of your Maid/Matron of Honor. Are you more interested in what she can do for you, or is the significance of her standing beside you on one of the biggest days of your life more important? You stated she is also planning her own wedding. Do you think it’s really feasible, in addition to purchasing a dress, shoes, hair, ect, to ask her to plan/pay for a bachelorette party, while she also has her own wedding expenses to consider? 

 

Post # 9
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My best friend and I got married 3 weeks apart this summer.  I was her Maid/Matron of Honor 3 weeks before my wedding, and she was a Bridesmaid or Best Man (my sister was my MOH) in mine.  We made it work, because it was incredibly important to ua that we were part of each other’s wedding day.  I think you can definitely make it work!!

Post # 10
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  My sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor. She lives 2,000 miles away, and I know that she will not be a huge amount of help in planning things. That being said, she is my sister, and she’s really important to me. I couldn’t see her not doing it. I think that as long as you communicate expectations ahead of time, you would be fine. Could it also be possible that your Maid/Matron of Honor is nervous about the cost?

Post # 11
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

the way you phrased your question, it sounds like she may be looking to graciously bow out.  what does SHE want to do?

Post # 13
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

 My sister and her best friend got married a month apart…my sister was the Maid/Matron of Honor in her friend’s wedding and then a month later, that friend was her bridesmaid. They both had long engagements, so they weren’t too stressed out over their duties for the other…and it worked out well for them 🙂

Post # 14
Member
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Mrs. Meowerson: Agreed… it seems like she wants to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man but isn’t interested in the role of Maid/Matron of Honor. It would be rather stressful to be both a bride and a Maid/Matron of Honor at virtually the same time, even if you are a relaxed bride. I would perhaps choose someone else so as not to make it awkward for her.

Post # 15
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Well no one in my bridal party is here with me and won’t be here til probably 2 days before my wedding so besides me sending emails and phone calls im flying solo…so i guess it boils down to what you want her to do

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