- 11 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
So, I thought I had eliminated all bridesmaid stress by just having my only sister as my Maid/Matron of Honor, and my FI’s 2 sisters as my bridesmaids -but, no.
My sister and I have a sometimes difficult relationship. There have been periods of time where we didn’t speak at all. However, the last 5 or so years have been pretty good, and I really thought we were on the same page with how to treat each other, and what our boundaries are. When I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor last year, she seemed excited and happy about it. All was well, I thought.
She has not been a great Maid/Matron of Honor. She really put me through the ringer over the dress situation (hates every dress out there, nothing at all will be acceptable), then threw a fit when I had the gall to invite FI’s sisters along with us one day to dry on the dress that my sister had finally decided on. I made the decision a long time ago that bridesmaids were not to be required to do much of anything, and, other than buy a dress (any dress! I don’t care!) I haven’t really required anything of my sister, or my FSILs. I am largely doing all this wedding stuff on my own. A large theme of my interactions with my sister have been how much my FI’s family sucks. Now, his mother is a pain, and a stress to me, and I have vented to my mother and sister about her. But his sisters are not a problem – they are sweet, and helpful, and excited, without being overbearing. We talked about a bachelorette party, and I mentioned that Fiance and would probably rather do something low-key and co-ed – and my sister was really against the idea. I acquiesed, and told her that she could plan whatever she wanted, but that it had to include at least some part that was under-21 friendly, as FI’s youngest sister is only 19 (and not the fake ID type). She was very awful and rude about this, telling me, again, how immature and awful they are. I’ve tried not to confront her on this, and just let it go, but it is the constant topic of conversation, how much she hates them, and FI’s friend/best man. She makes it clear that being in the presence of these people is completley unfun for her.
Everything came to a head a few days ago. I was upset with my sister for something non-wedding related (basically, she went to a concert that I would have liked to have gone to, and didn’t invite me, and hid the fact that she did invite our cousin – I found out about it all on FB), and told her so. She took it very badly, and it just launched into an all-out war about how much I, and FI’s family, suck, that I am awful and demanding of her, that I act like the world revolves around my wedding, that she wants nothing to do with these people, etc. etc. I told her that this was it, I was done listening to this endless crap, and that she was out of the wedding. We haven’t spoken in a few days, but I know that she is talking to my mother, who is now very, very angry with both of us for fighthing.
I don’t know what to do. Should I just suck it up and (for the millionth time) make up with my sister and continue putting up with her bad attitude, or should I stick to my guns and really kick her out of the wedding party? If I kick her out, it will probably be the death knell of any relationship we have in the future, and it will very, very much upset my mother. I am just so tired of her childish behavior – she is 29 years old! She did mention that it upsets her that I seem to get along with FI’s sisters – its not that I am especially close to them, but they are pleasant, and kind, and Fiance is very close with his family, so we see them often. I don’t go out of my way to hang out with them one-on-one, though. I DO try and see my sister, though, and she is invited to do things with us all the time, which, 99% of the time, she turns down. She never invites me to do anything solo with her. I’m just frustrated. My sister has been one of the biggest stressors about this whole wedding, and I just do not know what to do about her at this point.