(Closed) moissanite dream ring or grandma’s diamond?

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Which would you pick

    dream ring

    grandmas diamond

    birthstone ring

  • Post # 17
    Member
    1098 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    You have said your Fiance wants to do things very traditionally.  Perhaps he could ask your father (hopefully with your mother present) for your hand (that’s as traditional as it gets).  That would let your mother know that he is serious and an engagment is impending.  He could even explain to them that he plans to ask in a few weeks, after he has picked out the ring.

    That would put the ball in your mom’s court and if she wants you to have your grandmother’s ring or part of the ring, she would presumably offer it to your Fiance.  If she doesn’t mention the ring to him, I’d take that as a sign she plans to keep the ring for herself for at least the foreseeable future.  But at least you’d know.

    There is an upside to her keeping the ring.  I’d think if she kept it for herself, she’d eventually leave it to you and your sister…and then it would be even MORE meaningful to you.  It would then be both your granmother’s and your mother’s ring.

    Post # 19
    Member
    1443 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    My friend got engaged a few years back, and her fiance asked her parents when he asked for her hand if he could propose with her grandmother’s ring, since she’d mentioned to him that that ring was the most meaningful to her.

    They agreed and he proposed that Thanksgiving with the ring.  She has an older brother, but he’s not really heading for marriage to my knowledge any time soon, so there didn’t seem to be any problem with a conflict over the ring.  Maybe, if you’re thinking about it, the idea should come from your BF letting your parents know his intentions (yikes, I know – add more pressure on the poor guy) by asking your mom if there is an heirloom of any kind that would be meaningful to you for the proposal, all the while letting her know he plans to save up for either a new setting if needed, or for the dream ring (so he doens’t come across as a deadbeat instead of sentimental).

    Coming from him as part of asking for your hand could go a long way to assuaging any negative “let’s break up granny’s ring” thoughts, and if she says no, there are not rings she can think of, you still have the moissy ring to get.  Also, for all you know, there might be some sort of jewelry set aside for such an occassion, waiting for the prospective groom to ask – it’s a little different, but my BF’s grandmother apparently has 3 sets of rings waiting for her grandsons and granddaughter.  The granddaughter’s now husband picked out a ring (or maybe it was an heirloom from his side, the little brother bought one from Kay so I guess they’re just sitting somewhere. (Poor lady keeps telling me about it, but I doubt my BF knows – sigh).

    All your choices are beautiful – I’m sure you’ll be happy with any of them. 🙂

    Post # 20
    Member
    2042 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I would just ask mom what she thinks – hopefully you two have a close enough relationship to where she won’t take offense at the question. If you sense she has some hard feelings about it obviously don’t insist, but if she’s open to the idea that would be my pick. The sentimental value is priceless, and the traditionalist in me would always pick the heirloom diamond engagement ring over the moissante (especially when you don’t have to pay for it) . I know there are lots of Bees with pretty moissante rings and that’s great, but this is just my personal preference. The second picture you posted is gorgeous.

    Post # 21
    Member
    122 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2000

    I vote for the moissanite ring. As pps have stated, the opal is really too soft. As for grandma’s ring…well, I think that should be up to your mom to offer, not for you to ask.

    You might want to tell her that you and your BF are talking about getting engaged, but the cost of the ring is an impediment and see if she offers.

     

    Post # 22
    Member
    2200 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I would go with the dream ring- if you mother ever wanted to pass your grandmothers ring down, let her take that initiative. You can always make it into an anniversary band.

    Post # 23
    Member
    1007 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I think that your idea of splitting the stones from your grandmother’s ring is a great idea.  I don’t know how your relationship with your mother is, though… if you’re close enough that the discussion wouldn’t turn into something ugly, I’d say go for it.  But as others have said, it’s a very sensitive area… especially since your grandmother’s death is sort of recent.

    Post # 24
    Member
    42 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    DREAM ring! you could always get your grandmothers ring set in a right hand ring, or a pendant, if your mother decided to split it.

    Post # 25
    Member
    21 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    DREAM RING!

    Post # 26
    Member
    233 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    It depends on your relationship with your mother. If this were my family, I’d be ok talking to my mom about it. I’d say something along the lines of, “So, SO and I are heading towards an engagement. It would be really special to me to wear one of grandmas diamonds in my e-ring. Maybe one the the side stones. That way, you could also give the other one to little sister one day.”

    If you think your mom would be offended, I would just avoid the subject altogether and go for the moissanite.

    Post # 27
    Member
    885 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I voted for grandma’s ring if your Mom offers it. I love the idea of wedding jewelry passing from generation to generation. However, if Mom doesn’t offer it, I think you should go with your dream ring. I agree with the above comments about opal (which I personally love) being soft and if it’s something you’ll be wearing everyday, you’ll want it to “hold up”. Good luck, I’m pulling for you!

    Post # 28
    Member
    4554 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I vote for the grandmother’s diamond. As much as I LOVE moissanite (It’s what I got!) nothing trumps a sentimentally-valued diamond that is secondhand (you’re not supporting the diamond trade) and costs next to nothing.

    Post # 29
    Member
    256 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I voted for your dream ring, I think it’s gorgeous! And I agree with PPs, if your mom hasn’t offered your grandmother’s ring, even if she’s not wearing it right now, it’s probably not right to ask her for it (although since I don’t know what your relationship is like, I could be totally wrong!). However, if she does offer it, I say go for it. I think it would be incredibly meaningful.

    Good luck, whatever you choose! 🙂

    Post # 30
    Member
    2402 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    opals do crack very easily, especially when the weather is very cold. I wouldn’t do it.

    I say buy your dream ring! It will be exactly the specifications that you want. as a bonus, since it’s moissanite, you won’t have to worry (as much) about it getting lost or damaged. if I had my grandma’s ring, I’d be paranoid about it all the time 🙂

    Post # 31
    Member
    1373 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I would not ask your mom for the ring. YOU want it because you’re getting engaged and need a ring; SHE might want it because it was her mom’s and it has a lot of sentimental value to her. If she offers it, I think it would be kind to accept, but to ask for it looks greedy, to be honest. It’s hers to do with what she wants, whether that’s wear it as is, give it to you or your sister, or have the diamonds made into separate pieces. Until your mom approaches you and offers the ring, continue making plans for your moissanite. 

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