Mom against FMIL being involved!??

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

Yup, she’s crazy. Its your dress buying experience, not hers. You can invite whoever you want. In fact, after that tantrum, I would probably consider ONLY inviting my Mother-In-Law and sisters…

Post # 3
Member
336 posts
Helper bee

FutureRosas :  She’s being super petty. IMO they deserve to be there. She needs to get off her high horse and let YOU decide who you want to be there. 

Post # 4
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020 - Clarksville, VA

I have a feeling my Mom will do the same when I get engaged, despite me always saying I’d want my Future Mother-In-Law to come too. Have you sat her down and explained how this is important to you and your Future Mother-In-Law will soon be family, so you want her to be included?

Post # 5
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

Agreed, it’s your dress buying experience. In the weddings I’ve been in and appointments I’ve been invited to, the Future Mother-In-Law (at least) has been invited by the bride every time. 

Post # 6
Member
3362 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

This is YOUR dress buying experience, not hers. She does not get to dictate who shows up. If you want your Future Mother-In-Law there, invite her. Your mother should be supportive of you involving the people who are important to you and care about you.

Post # 7
Member
343 posts
Helper bee

It is your day not your mother’s.    Your Mother-In-Law would love to come dress shopping with you and your people.   Tell your mom to settle down or she can’t go if Mother-In-Law can’t go.   Be a big girl.

Post # 8
Member
6061 posts
Bee Keeper

Your dress, your choice! 

Post # 9
Member
9103 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

At the end of the day, this is your dress buying experience, and ideally you only do it once, so do what you wish to do.

Could it be your mother is just coming off wrong, and she wants this as a special moment with you and her? You said your bridesmaids are your sisters, maybe she wants to keep this an intimate ‘your family’ affair, and is just coming off poorly?

Post # 10
Member
428 posts
Helper bee

Go the to first appointment with just your mom so she has that experience with you. Then do the rest with Future Mother-In-Law and everyone else you want. I think your mom is out of line, and you should be able to invite whoever you want there with you. Maybe your mom is emotional about you getting married and it’s coming out in this way, so try to give her the benefit of the doubt while still being firm in what you want.

Post # 12
Member
587 posts
Busy bee

FutureRosas :  Don’t really have any adivce, but if it makes you feel any better, my mom did the same thing. She doesn’t want Future Mother-In-Law involved AT ALL.

Post # 13
Member
1379 posts
Bumble bee

There was JUST a post like this in which the Bee’s mom didn’t want the Mother-In-Law coming to the dress fittings, and–overwhelmingly–everyone on this board said, “Well, if your mom is paying, then she gets to have whatever she wants! So you can’t have anyone else there. Too bad!” 

And no one has said that here. No one has even asked if your mom is paying. Geez, this board. Way to provide sound and consistent advice, eh? 

I don’t care if parents pay for the wedding: they don’t get the final decision on anything because it’s not their wedding and their money is a gift. So whether your mom is paying for it or not makes very little difference. Tell her it’s your decision. 

Post # 15
Member
660 posts
Busy bee

FutureRosas :  Your mom is acting like a selfish brat–shame on her.  I wouldn’t let her throwing a grown up tantrum convince you to exclude your Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law.  These women will soon be part of your family and it sounds like this could be fun bonding moment for all of you.  I vote your mom stays at home if she can’t play nicely with others.  

You need to set the expectation now that your mom tries to force you to chose to exclude your ILs, that she will be the one uninvited because she’s the problem.  This will be a reoccurring issue if you reward your mom’s bad behavior.  

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