Post # 1
So a few days ago I posted how my mom was insisting on my cousin who I barely speak to be a bridesmaid. Well I got into a blowout with my mother because she said I wasn’t making an effort with my cousin and regardless of all the phone calls and emails I sent asking my cousin to be a bridesmaid she wasn’t responding.
I took that as a “no”…my mother took it as “keep trying”. The blow-out ended with us agreeing to drop it.
So my mother called me to inform me that she called my uncle last night (her brother) and left a voicemail saying “missjewels just wanted to no if so and so wanted to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, no pressure just tell so and so to call her back and let her know”…
So we went from “drop it” to my mother asking my cousin on my behalf, through my uncle’s voicemail if she will be in my bridal party…
I don’t even know what to say…and no my cousin has not contacted me yet…
Any advice or ideas from you ladies?
Post # 3
@missjewels: You need to call your mother and tell her she was way out of line and you don’t aappreciate it. Furthermore at this point, discussion of your bridal party is no longer her concern and if cousin calls tell her your mother made a mistake and you are sorry she was caught in the middle.
Post # 4
+1 to the PP, your mother is waaaay out of line here. You need to tell her that your bridal party is your business and your cousing doesn’t seem interested anyways. This is YOUR decision.
Post # 5
No Way! I can’t believe your mom did that… I’m sorry.
Definitely call your mom and tell her she was out of line, I would also call little cuz and tell her what’s going on.
Does your mom do things like this often?
Post # 6
Sorry you’re going through this… Is your mother picking up the tab for the wedding? It doesn’t make it right for her to be pushy, but in her mind it may justify making sure her side of the fam is given places of honor or smth like that.
About not knowing what to say, why not try this: “Mom, we’re all excited about this wonderful wedding of mine, however, I am a big girl, and I get decide who I want to be my BMs. Please support me by respecting my choices”. And a loooooong pause at the end, with a bit of a stern look, if necessary:)
Post # 7
if anything, i think this gives you more ammo. i looked at your previous posts, and she hasn’t even answered your fb messages *even though you can tell they’ve been read*. SO tell your mom that you just CAN’T have a bridesmaid that is this unreliable. you can’t even get her to text you or msg you on a social networking site, what’s it going to be like when it’s time to try on bridesmaid dresses? attend the rehearsal dinner? show up to the wedding? TOO. MUCH. STRESS. is your mom going to guarantee she’s going to be at all these mandatory things? (even allowing for slack for other events) see if there’s another way to honour her that will satisfy your mother.. listing in the program? reading? giving her a corsage to show that she’s an “important” member of the family? (that last one’s weird to me, but maybe your mom will go for it). at the end of the day your stress levels matter – all of those last things can either be dropped if she doesn’t attend, or you can easily have someone else sub in for (reading). do NOT cave. after this much of a hassle, you’re just signing up for it again x5 if you say yes. if your cousin does get back to you, just say there was some confusion; you wanted to talk to her about a role with the wedding, but not specifically the bridal party