(Closed) Mom and dad fighting 2 weeks before my wedding.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
47430 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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futuremrsowl:  Your parents’ relationship is not your place to judge.

Hopefully your Mother will pretend everything is rosy on the day of the wedding. Would you prefer she was wailing and full of drama?

I would say nothing until closer to the wedding. If necessary you can request them, for your sake,  to be civil to each other and everyone else at your wedding.

Post # 3
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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futuremrsowl:  Hopefully they can be civil to each other at the wedding. The less you involve yourself in thair marital problems the better.

Post # 4
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Other people’s lives do not stop during your wedding timeframe. You do not have a say in this. You can ask where she would prefere to sit, that is the only aspect of this fighting that is your business. 

Post # 5
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee

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futuremrsowl: Well if you can picture her pretending everything is fine at the wedding, what is the problem? Do you expect her to stay miserable for life if a divorce is what she wants? Obviously they will get through your wedding and then all bets are off. It is not selfish of her at all for having feelings and wanting to end something that is obviously making her unhappy.

Post # 6
Member
5867 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

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futuremrsowl:  I’m sorry that your dealing with this.  Even when you are an adult and are no longer dependent on your parents, divorce can be a very difficult thing to process emotionally.

However, it’s important to remember that your parents real people and that their relationship isn’t perfect.  Your mom may be unfair in that she brings up divorce when she and your dad fight.  Or she may be seriously considering divorce.  If so, this is probably a very difficult time for her and your father. 

But your parents are also adults.  Issues in your parents relationship are their own business.  You can support them in their lives post divorce.  You can privately reflect on their behaviors and choices and think about how you want those to inform your own decisions and choices as you enter marriage.  But you can’t decide anything for them. 

I think that all you can hope for right now is that your mom DOES act like everything is fine during your wedding.  Your wedding isn’t an appropriate time for her to make a stink about how upset she is with your dad.

Post # 7
Member
9207 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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futuremrsowl:  Well it certainly does sound like you put your dad on a pedestal. It is extremely unfair to be blaming your mother for both their marital problems.  Unless abuse is involved there is rarely only one side to marital problems. 

And sorry but your mother shouldn’t have to stay quiet about her discontentment with her marriage just because you are getting married in 2 weeks. 

I feel sorry for your mother. Sounds like she is somewhat trapped in an unhappy marriage and no one gives a damn as long as daddy is ok.

Post # 8
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’m so sorry this is happening so close to the wedding! You said that your mother throws divorce around when they get into arguments, could this be the same situation?

My mother is the same way when they get into heated argument, but the D word never had much substance. I hope they can at least be civil if this happens to be the worst case scenerio.

 

Post # 9
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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Sukii:  This.

OP, I can understand if your parents’ marriage being on the rocks or falling apart is upsetting to you, because watching your parents split up after so long together IS difficult and sad. And it is fine for you to have feelings and worries and vent about it.

What’s interesting to me, though, is 1) your main concern here seems to be that they didn’t hold this in until a time that works better for your schedule, and 2) you seem to be placing all the responsibility on your mom.

Even if you have lived in your parents’ household for two or three decades, you cannot presume to know what problems have been truly plaguing their marriage. A broken marriage is very sad and very hard on both parties, and so is divorce. Divorce is a devastating thing, often even to the person requesting it. Please have some more compassion.

Post # 10
Member
510 posts
Busy bee

My parents are in the same situation: they have been like that for more than 15 years. We are having a destination wedding so not only will my parents not enjoy each other’s company, they also don’t like to travel anywhere (particularly) overseas with each other. i’ve learnt to not worry about their issues anymore. Everyone is accountable for their own life and everyone needs to make themself happy. My view is that they are brilliant parents to myself and my siblings (and that’s all I focus on) and if they hate each other, then that’s for them to deal with. 

Post # 11
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee

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1judejude: That’s a great way of looking at it!!

Post # 12
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I completely understand how this is upsetting and stressful for you. My mom and brother aren’t even speaking right now and my dad just moved back in with my mom after him moving out for a few weeks. It all sucks and I hate that it is happening right around my wedding, which I realize is a totally selfish thought but it’s the way I feel. 

My personal strategy has just been to not engage with any of it. I don’t ask about it and I change the subject if it’s brought up. It’s not like I could fix any of it anyway. This is all their drama and frankly I don’t have the time or patience for it so I’m just assuming (hoping) everyone will act like an adult on my wedding day and not add extra stress.

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