mom and engagement ring – what to do?

posted 5 months ago in Rings
Post # 2
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

throwingpens :  If yuo do not want to lie or ‘hide’ the fact that it is not a diamond, just dont say anything at all! Just show it off. Isn’t it so beautiful and perfect? It is just what I wanted! Your mom will probably just gush about how lovely it is. She probably wont even think it is not a diamond.

If you do just come out and say it, just tell her that it is what you wanted. You did not want a diamond for reason a, b and c. Or, I would go with a white sapphire and then you can just say, hey, I always wanted a sapphire didnt I?

Just because your parents are goign to contribute to the wedding does not mean they get to dictate anything about your engagement ring.

Post # 3
Member
1884 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Id suggest if you and fi wants smaller wedding,  have the wedding you want rather than the big wedding your mom wants.  I get that it’s a easy thing to say.

  I didnt follow my own advice.  Dh and I would have preferred to elope, but having a wedding was important to our friends and family,  so we decided to compromise and have the kind of wedding we would like to attend.  So we only invited close friends and family and set a budget and stuck to that budget since we paid for it ourselves. We also had board games and the DJ played a mix of contemporary music and really nerdy songs,  like from Rhett and Link and weird Al.

It was awesome and in the end,  I’m really happy we did have a full on wedding reception rather than a quiet elopement. 

Post # 4
Member
4940 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

throwingpens :  Have the ring you want, and the wedding you want.   Now is the very best time to start standing up for yourself.   

Post # 5
Member
1967 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Don’t worry about what other’s think. It’s not their business. You don’t have to listen to your mom’s opinion on the ring just because your parents are paying for the wedding. I have plenty of overbearing women in my family and I have learned over time just to ignore it and do my own thing. 

Post # 6
Member
854 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Tizer Gardens/Carroll College

throwingpens :  For your ring, do what you want, tell her, don’t tell her. Honestly, many people can’t even tell the difference between a moissy and a diamond unless they are educated – particularly if they don’t even know about them. Enjoy your fiance and this fun time – you only get to do this once!

Post # 7
Member
461 posts
Helper bee

Get the ring you want. Have the wedding you want. But I’ve been married 15yrs now and I my mother has zero say in my life now so I’m biased lol. You’re establishing your OWN family. I’d personally want to start it the way you mean to go forward. Don’t even tell her where you’re looking. What you want. What the options are. Just get what you want and keep the details to yourself. Don’t invite an opinion imo if she’s that overbearing.

Post # 8
Member
4899 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think you should do whatever you want to do and just start having a variety of sentences that you can use with your mother when she’s doing too much and bugging you.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore, Mom.”

“I’m getting off the phone now, Mom. Love you. Bye!”

“I don’t feel the need to discuss that.”

“That’s between [husband] and me and I’d prefer to keep it that way.”

When my mother kept telling me about how she never had a big wedding (even though she’s been married twice) and she just didn’t understand why I was insisting on having a wedding, I finally told her, “You’ve said that several times. I’ve heard you each time. I’m not going to change my plans and you don’t need to say it again.” She stopped and never said it again after that.

It makes it a lot easier to do and say whatever you want when you aren’t depending on others’ money- just FYI. If your mother is overbearing, the last thing you should be doing is putting yourself in the position of taking money from her for this wedding. Especially since it sounds like you haven’t yet reached a point of having super clear and firm boundaries with her. I would go with the smaller wedding, within our budget.

Post # 9
Member
1969 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

nelliemade :  that’s wishful thinking,  many can tell something looks “off”. They may not know exactly what the stone is,  but they do know/suspect what it *isn’t* … 

throwingpens :  Why not just be honest and/or when she starts criticizing/questioning/bringing up something you don’t like,  just SHUT HER DOWN.  “I’m not going to discuss this with you”. PERIOD. End of story!

Post # 10
Member
5308 posts
Bee Keeper

Tell your mother to cut that shit out.. seriously.  If she doesn’t have anything else to say to you other than “where is your engagement ring” then tell her to stop calling you.  I cannot stand people who THINK they are entitled to piss in your cheerios.  

Post # 12
Member
4940 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

throwingpens :  Thanks for the update, sounds as if your planning is going well!  Very best wishes!!!

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