Mom and FMIL complaining about desserts

posted 2 years ago in Food
Post # 2
Member
2344 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Just cut a small cake. It’s traditional and guests love cake.

Post # 3
Member
1974 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I love custard, but when I’ve seen it at a wedding I haven’t been a fan. I don’t know why. I personally would want another option as a guest, but at the end of the day you are offering dessert and most people should be happy with it. I think you’re fine. 

 

Post # 4
Member
614 posts
Busy bee

One dessert is fine. People will survive without cake.

Post # 5
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

We had an entire buffet table witha variety of dessert options. Only a few of them were provided by the catering company – the rest we picked up ourselves, like donuts from a renowned local donut shop, and cake from Whole Foods. It’s an extra, like, $100 to include a few cakes and some donuts. And it makes a big difference in the enjoyment of your guests. 

Having said that, if you REALLY only want custard and don’t want to provide your guests with popular items because you don’t like them, that is your call to make (unless one of the mothers is paying for catering.)

Post # 6
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

We didn’t have a cake and we didn’t do the cake cutting. No regrets. Our parents did complain about it but on the day of, no one notice to the point that they were completly devastated or lost. I did have cupcakes but I only offered one option so you certainly don’t need to offer a second option. 

As a wedding coordinator, lots of cakes don’t even get to be eaten so I don’t think it is a big deal to have or not to have cake/cupcakes/brownies.

Post # 7
Member
392 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2025 - City, State

Would they be satisfied if you added chocolate chip cookies alongside the custard?  People could dip them in the custard, make custard sandwiches, crumble them on top of custard, or eat the cookies on their own.

Post # 8
Member
2670 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
scherbet23 :  I personally love custard and would be totally fine with just that! I didn’t have dessert at all, but I didn’t do anything close to a traditional wedding so mines probably a bad example.

The last wedding I went to had a donut bar and they cut a cake, I think donuts were more of a hit. I remember the DJ kept telling people to go grab cake and it seemed like there was way too much.

Maybe just do a really small cake to please the mothers? It’s not asking that much, but it’s your wedding so if you’re going to hate doing a cake cutting just put your foot down.

Post # 9
Member
491 posts
Helper bee

I think custard sounds great! But an earlier poster’s suggestion of having chocolate chip cookies alongside it sounds really good too! That might get the people off your back, and still be a very simple, inexpensive addition.

Post # 10
Member
491 posts
Helper bee

PS, would it happen to be Culver’s Custard? If so, just tell me the date and time!

Post # 12
Member
9406 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

View original reply
scherbet23 :  if your mom and fmil are the sort that will take you giving in as license to nag about whatever else I’d actually go ahead and add cookies or some cake or whatever BUT NOT TELL THEM.

That way they stay fixated on this one thing and keep nagging on it rather than moving on to the next thing, and then are happy on the wedding day baha.  If they say something about how you came around I’d be like “I don’t know what you’re talking about that was always the plan. I tried to tell you that you were making a big deal about nothing but you wouldn’t listen…” (To help cut off all the nagging they’re gonna do about everything else in your life.)

If they’re the sort that will be satisfied you gave them an inch and stop there then by all means tell them.  Surely between you and your husband you know how your mothers respond to having their nagging work?

Post # 13
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

View original reply
scherbet23 :  No, you don’t need another option. People coming are your guests, you would never go to someone else’s house and complain about what they serve you. Weddings should be similar, and come on, you’re having a dessert! It’s not like there’s nothing. 

People will always complain, and honestly if it’s causing stress I would just task them to bring something else if they feel it’s needed.

side note: I have a huuugeeeee sweet tooth. Our dessert table was insane, cupcakes (5 different kinds), cake, cheesecake, brownies, cookies, pies, tarts and a s’mores station. Annnd, my grandmother still complains about how there were no dessert options. Ugh. You really can’t please everyone. 

Post # 14
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee

I always like having at least two options as it’s very unlikely that every single person at a large gathering will like the one and only option. I hate custard. But cookies, brownies, cake I like! And then there are people that hate cake and would prefer the custard! So I would do two options for your guests, not cause of your mom and Future Mother-In-Law. (if it’s in your budget.) then again I’ve never been to a wedding with only one dessert so my view may be biased lol

Post # 15
Member
7842 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You don’t need another dessert. If your mom and mil want it, ask them to bake something for it themselves or stfu. 

FWIW we only had mini pies and apparently my aunt was horrified that we didnt have cake. Everyone survived lol.

eta – no one complains when its *only* cake, so its not like everyone expects multiple desserts.

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