Post # 1
My first post! Please be kind.
I’m a thrifty person, and I get about 99% of my clothes online. So when it came time to get a wedding dress, it only seemed natural that I’d buy it online (a knock-off, most likely).
About thirty seconds after I told my mom I was enaged, she offered to buy my wedding dress for me. When I said that I wanted to get one online, she thought I was joking. She’s insisting buying a dress from a brick and mortar store.
I do have two dresses picked out online (though I do have a favorite). One, I’m almost positive is not available locally and the other one is available an hour and a half away. Maybe as a compromise, I could check out other dresses at brick and mortar with similar necklines/cuts to see how they look at me. If similar dresses look good on me, then I should order my knockoff. If not, then I keep looking.
I know my mom won’t pay for a dress from a DHGate place, but I don’t need the financial assistance. It will piss her off if I buy my dress online, and I’m likely to hear about it for a long while after the fact (even if it turns out beautifully).
Should I stick with my guns or let my mom decide where I get my dress, potentially eliminating my dream dress from the running?
Post # 3
I bought my dress online (online-only style from David’s Bridal). That said, as much as I loved my dress and got a great deal, it reallly hurt my mom to not have the whole dress shopping experience with me. I would at least go shopping with her, and go from there.
Post # 4
What you think is your dream dress in pictures might not be your dream dress when you put it on. I’d highly recommend you at least go try on similar dresses before ordering something online.
Post # 5
I guess you have to decide if it is worth upsetting your mom. Maybe she is excited to watch her little girl try on wedding dresses. I know my mom was, and it was so much fun to experience that with her.
Who’s feelings will be more hurt in the end is what you need to consider.
Post # 6
not to mention you can definetly find your dream dress at a store! You never know what will look amazing or horrible on you, unless you try it on!
Post # 7
@Ennie: I agree, your mum is looking forward to the whole dress experience. I did this with my daughter, amost to the point where she had enough!! Anyway, we had lots of coffee and a couple of lunches as we traversed the world of bridal wear. Great bonding.
In the end I talked her into buying a dress on line based on the style of dress she loved.
We have it now and it is a beautiful dress and she is over the moon about it. And we had the mother/daugher experience. Over to you to decide.
There is no ‘compromise’ to vote for.
Post # 8
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I understand being frugal, but I personally think it is dishonest to buy a knock off. If your mom is uncomfortable with it and she is paying, it seems unfair to implicate her in your, in my opinion, improper purchase. You are cheating designers of the money they deserve for designing a product. If you try a dress on brick-and-mortor and then buy it somewhere else or as a knock-off, you have misused the services of that store. To me, that is unethical.
Aside from the ethics, however, you most likely will find out that you are wrong about teh style of dress you want. Most women will tell you they bought a dress completely different than what they imagined.
Post # 9
@mepayne: I definitely agree with that. Hopefully that will be enough to appease her.
I should have noted, she did the same thing to my sister when she was married (though sis wanted to sew her dress), and my sister ended up not liking her dress all that much. I don’t want to fall insto that.
Post # 10
If your mother is willing to buy it as a gift and give you full choice, then I would let her. You save a little money and your mother gets to choose with you. Win-win!
On the subject of ethics: I have no problem with ordering online. I do think it’s wrong to try on a dress on in a store and then order it online, though.
Post # 11
Okay.. definitely going to at least try stuff on. Luckily, I’m naturally indecisive so she won’t be surprised if I stall about getting a dress when trying things on.
And as for ethics, the places where she wants to look almost definitely buy their dresses from low-wage countries and mark them up hundreds of dollars to profit. That’s not all that ethical either. I work in manufacturing for a living and try to buy American all that I can. Unfortunately, for clothes (and wedding dresses), most of those are out of my budget 🙁
Post # 12
There are some online reatailors that you can buy dresses from that have brick and mortor stores as well, like best bridal prices if you’re stuck on buying online
Post # 13
If your mom is willing to buy it, just let her. You don’t need to do a Kleinfeld’s run- I bought my dress at David’s and it was like $500, which I assume is not much more than you’d pay for a reasonably good replica, depending on how elaborate you’re planning to get. Alfred Angelo is also on the lower end, price wise. A gorgeous dress can be had in brick and mortar stores for nearly any price point, you just have to dig a little.
Look, I’m as cheap as they come, seriously. I don’t remember the last time I paid full price for anything other that FI’s video game birthday gifts. But your wedding is a chance to treat yourself, just a little bitty bit. Your mom wants to do that for you. Give her that pleasure.
Post # 14
I think that you should try on some dresses in a store to give you and idea of not only what you like but also what flatters you, AND to give your mom the “my daughter is getting married!” joy of seeing you try on dresses.
Once you get a specific idea of what you want, which may or may not be similar to the “dream dress” you’ve seen online, go from there. If it’s reasonably priced in person, then let your mom buy it for you as her gift to you (and you putting aside your natural frugality to accept her generosity is your gift to her in this experience). If it’s not reasonably priced, and you are determined to purchase online, use one of the budget sites, or a high quality knock-off site like Jasmine’s Bridal (which isn’t really that cheap but much cheaper than store prices).
Post # 15
If she is excited about dress shopping and offering to buy one for you, I would let her. This was very important to my mom as well, and I really enjoyed it!
Post # 16
It’s a big deal to your mom, so go shopping. You may even surpride yourself and fall in love with a dress.