Post # 1
My mom, sister and I have a very complicated relationship. My mom and sister have not spoken in about 10 years and my sister and I reconnected a few years back after not speaking for 6 years. I got engaged last Christmas and am ready to start dead shopping which they’ve both expressed interest in attending.
While I am still in communication with my mom, we don’t have the best relationship. I don’t speak to her often but she is REALLY excited about my wedding. We haven’t seen each other much over the years because I try to set boundaries and I feel guilty not including her in dress shopping when she’s so pumped about it. Meanwhile, my sister is a bridesmaid and is also very excited about dress shopping.
I feel extremely guilty because I honestly don’t want either of them there. I feel like my mom is just going to see this life I’ve built for myself and try to mooch off of it like she has in the past and guilt trip me into being more involved with her. My sister is going to be mad if I let my mom come and not her since she’s actually in the wedding but I know my sister won’t come with my mom is also there.
it’s just a very stressful situation that has given me anxiety since I got engaged 10 months ago and now that I’m facing the problem, I still don’t know what course of action to take. Any advice from people with family issues? Sorry If I didn’t explain this well, I’m open to answering questions if needed because I honestly don’t know how to not feel like shit about this.
Post # 2
Don’t sacrifice your mental health/emotional well being by trying to please either one. Go by yourself or with a trusted friend.
Post # 3
If you honestly dont want either of them there, dont take either of them! Go by yourself, go with another friend, go with a co-worker, go with your fiance. There are no set rules for who you can or should take, it’s entirely up to you.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2017 - River Museum & Aquarium
Just take whomever you actually want there. If you want to include them in some way, you could offer to facetime them or something individually once you find one you like, so they can feel involved.
Post # 5
Wedding dress shopping needs to drama free – not just for your sake but for the sake of everyone in the dress shop too!!! Either go alone or take a friend who will be supportive and constructive. Do NOT invite anyone who will use it as an opportunity for drama or to manipulate you.
My mother is an incredibly negative person and very critical of my appearance, so I knew I was not going to take her dress shopping – I pitched it as ‘I would love my dress to be a surprise for you on the wedding day’. I also got her to pick my hair ornament from a shortlist of ones I liked, so she felt involved. I would suggest maybe doing something like this with your mother and sister if you want to involve them – send them pics of accessories and ask which ones they prefer.
Post # 6
It seems pretty clear to me. You don’t want either of them there. So don’t invite/bring either of them.
Dress shopping is not a spectator sport. You don’t owe anyone an invitation for funsies. You don’t need to invite/bring people who will be critical, harsh, or otherwise stress you out.
Real life is not an episode of SYTTD.
I went dress shopping solo and it was such a wonderful, low stress experience. I loved not having to deal with anyone else’s opinions on how much money I was spending, what I should/shouldn’t wear, etc.
Post # 7
I chose to go dress shopping alone, for a variety of reasons. But a main one is that I knew that having my mom there would have caused more problems than it solved.
From everything you have posted, there is no good reason to invite either one of these people. And feeling guilty for not inviting them is not a good reason. Protect yourself and your mental well-being and just decide not to include them. There may be fallout, but you can handle that. And remember, just because someone is upset, doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong.
Post # 8
“Just because someone is upset doesn’t mean you have done anything wrong:”
And I say don’t take either one along.
Post # 9
Don’t take either of them. If there’s a lot of tension and emotioanl drama going around it will a)Ruin the experience for you and b) Make it unlikely you’ll find the right dress.
Take a friend and a bottle of champagne and enjoy yourself! Choose different, less emotionally charged ways to include your mom and sister.
You can tell them that you didn’t want to choose between them and create more conflict.
Post # 10
Invite neither and no need to explain. Take a trusted friend or 2 and make it a wonderful fun day. Stop feeling guilty about it, you are damned if you do or damned if you don’t in this case, so take the damned if you don’t choice and enjoy the experience.
Post # 12
Thank you all for the advice! I ended up taking neither and when I told my sister she said she’ll just “back out and not come” to the wedding so I won’t be so anxious 🙄 whatever I found a dress and it’s my wedding so she can suck it.
Post # 13
Good decision and I love your attitude!
Post # 14
Stupid petulant thing to say and l am glad you treated it with the indifference it deserves. I don’t even think she will carry the threat through.
Can we see a pic or a link to the dress?
Post # 15
I dont think you should invite eather of them, just have them at your wedding. I mean why put more stress on yourself if you don’t have to. I would suggest you think about your family history on fashion and pick a nice dress that will repersent not only your family but you FH’s family also. You can get help from the bridal store just make sure you make an appointment. If you dont have pictures to share of what your familly looks like, then google some old pictures of the year of when your grandparents were born, and before going into the bridal shop write them a letter so they will have a figure about what kind of dress they can help you with.