Post # 17
@adayoruba: +1. The truth really hurt, but it was definitely the truth! It took some time to come to terms with, but I used it to better myself.
OP I think your mom’s comment was timed badly, but Moms say what everyone else is thinkinG (usually). Dont let it tear you down, use it to build yourself up!
Post # 18
Happy update, if a little late. We had a wonderful Valentine’s Day. I may have to make a seperate post because overall, we spent 0.91c and it was wonderful all the same 🙂
I don’t think it would be so bad but I carry most of my weight in my thighs/belly. If I gain any weight, it goes straight to one of those two places.
Does your mom really think if you’re 5’3 you should weight 90 pounds? Then she would think I’m a whale. I’m 4’11 and haven’t weighed 90 pounds since puberty.
Maybe that’s it- she’s taking her insecurities out on me. Her doctor recently told her she may need to consider lap band surgery to get her weight (and therefore her diabetes, high blood pressure, and heart disease) under control.
I could stand to lose a few pounds and not fall into scary skinny territory, but I’m not fat or even borderline unhealthy, so a comment like hers was uncalled for. Also, keep in mind that this is the same woman who, when I weighed 100 pounds, told me I looked scary thin and needed to gain weight. For reference, the first pic is me when I was 100 pounds; the second is me now at 120.
Post # 19
Sadly, my mom really does believe this. Actually … she probably would not believe this for anyone else. But she believes it for herself, and because of that, she believed it for me. Even though I was objectively much taller than her. She is the queen of impossible to achieve double standards.
It’s … weird. And complicated. And awkward. Much like my entire relationship with my mother always has been. It’s a delicate dance.
But enough about me. Let’s talk about you!! Oh my goodness!! You are absolutely NOT fat at all. You are adorable and very photogenic. (Even with a white oval blocking out your face — LOL) I am so, so happy you and your Sweetie had a wonderful and happy Valentine’s Day. You deserve it!
Post # 20
I definitely understand having a delicate relationship with your mom. My mom has borderline personality and having a healthy, happy relationship is a challenge sometimes.
Post # 21
It sounds like your mom is pretty insensitive but what helps me is “mentally translating” her comments into something positive, like, “you have a potbelly” becomes “I have a potbelly myself and I love my daughter so much I don’t want her to share my shortcomings.” If she refuses to change, then the only thing you can do is change your reaction so it doesn’t get to you anymore.
As for your own feelings, it sounds like you might be sensitive to it because you also have worries about becoming overweight? If that’s the case, it’s completely up to you to decide on what diet, exercise, etc makes sense for you. If you want to skip brownies for dessert, do it. They’re not mandatory after all. Just try not to get it wrapped up in emotions around your mom, because that’s not healthy. If you want a healthier lifestyle that’s great– just do it for you, not her 🙂 I hope that helps?
Post # 22
This is the same for my mom. It does make it a challenge keeping up a relationship, as well as feeling incredibly isolating. Which I’m sure you’ve also experienced. Thank you for your kind words. *internet hugs*
Post # 23
@ForeverBirds: This thread makes me so sad… All of these women with Moms who critique their physiques?! Most people I’ve seen do that have NO room to talk about other people’s weight. Either way, parents are supposed to build their children up. My Mom isn’t perfect, but she always told me how beautiful I was… Even when I did have some weight to lose. If she ever told me I was fat, Im not sure what I’d do, but I’d be pretty upset and probably tell her she gets the “mom of the year” award for such an a-hole comment. If it was repetitive, I’d def keep my distance, simply to preserve my own self esteem and confidence.
Post # 24
@ForeverBirds: Trust me honey, I’m not trying to one-up you here, but my mom is forever telling me how fat I am and how I can’t eat/drink this or that because it’ll make me fat. Water off a duck’s back my dear. My mom keeps buying me clothes a size or two too big to send me a message of how fat I am. I couldn’t care less – I am happy, and the happier I am the more bitter she gets.
Post # 25
my mom calls me fat all the time. even when i was 5’3 110 she said i was “chubby”. after I had my daughter, I hovered around 140 for almost 2 years and my mom said i was “obese”. I’ve lost 15lbs the last 6 months in preparation for my wedding (in 10 days) and im already dreading my mom being in the room with me while getting ready. I’m pretty sure she’s going to say I didn’t work out hard enough, didn’t loose enough weight and that I should be ashamed that Im a “fat” bride. I may choke her that morning. we shall see.
Post # 26
Girl I feel your pain. I came downstairs last night in a tshirt (I’m normally pretty casual in a sweatshirt), and my mom was like “OMG! What a belly! Are you pregnant???!!!”
Gee, thanks mom.
I mean, I KNOW I’ve gained a lot of weight since the wedding, and I HATE the way my body looks right now. Just the other day I was looking in the mirror and going “no, no more lying to yourself. you don’t look good. time to loose weight”, but my naked talk to my naked self is NOT what I wanted to hear from my mom the very next day.
Post # 27
+1. I’m actually kind of shocked there are so many people with this experience. I mean I understand wanting your kids to be healthy, but fat shaming is not the way to do it. And I can’t even get over how selfish it is for anyone, a parent especially, to project their own insecurities onto someone else.
I don’t have kids myself, but I just can’t imagine saying anything like that to my daughter. I never want my daughter to see me “diet” or obsess over my weight. I of course want to set an example for a healthy lifestyle and provide and encourage opportunities for her to do the same. Between friends and media, girls face enough pressure to be twigs, they don’t need any more coming from their own mother!
I love this picture:
Post # 28
Next time she says something: “I’m fat. You’re old. Aren’t we a fine fair? Pass the gravy.”
Post # 29
I feel your pain! Years ago when I was heavier my mom made a comment about my weight and the lunch I was preparing for myself then she said her and my dad were really concerned that I was going to end up with diabetes because of my weight. Ok, I was overweight but not THAT overweight and I’ve never ever forgotten that.
What pisses me off more though is when other people say things. My moms best friend once told me, while I was on my way out to a spin class: “I don’t know why you’re not thin with all the different kinds of exercise you do, you’re constantly moving you should be a toothpick…….”
My aunts mother-in-law once said after giving me a positive comment on my 35lb weight loss “but you need to lose a bit more around here” as she pointed to her giant gut.
People don’t know how hurtful their comments can be and also how unproductive those comments are. They didn’t motivate me to lose weight (or more weight) it just gave me a bad taste in my mouth for those people and resent my mom a little.
Post # 30
Both my parents call me fat all the time! My dad told me when I was little that I shouldn’t try to do anything like figure skating/gymnastics because “look how skinny the girls on TV are- you don’t have their physique”
In full disclosure. I clock in between 125-135 and I’m 5’5. I’m 26 and have been this weight since I was 18.
Post # 31
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
OH moms. WHen will they leave us alone!?