(Closed) Mom basically told me I'm fat

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@ForeverBirds:  Mom’s can be the worst!  Mine knows all my buttons.  How many times have I gotten ready to go somewhere over the years and she sees what I’m wearing and says “Oh…you’re wearing that”.  I’ll ask what wrong with it and she’ll say “Nothing…just not something I would wear”.  Last summer I got told that t-shirts show my belly and make me look pregnant.  Oh my.

Post # 33
Member
11517 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

My mom constantly says things like this to me – she lost a bunch of weight after my dad left (Stress/she stopped eating and lived on wine for about a year).  Talking about dress alterations she has said about 20 times (my dress needs to be let out in the hips and taken in in the bust)- “brides usually lose weight before the wedding” with that ‘don’t worry dear, you’ll fine’ tone.  Last time I actually snapped at her and asked if she was trying to tell me something.  Gotta love mothers.  I’m 5’4 and 155 – my ideal weight is about 135 (any smaller and I look sick, I naturally have hips and boobs and they don’t go anywhere, if I get any smaller than that I start to look like I have an ED).

 

 

 

Post # 34
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My former mother used to tell me I was fat all the time.  Never gave me compliments, never said a good thing about me, was highly critical..hence the former.  I stood up for myself, took control of my life and she didn’t like.  We no longer speak and I do not consider her my Mother at all, and life is great !!  I no longer dread talking to her, I have more self esteem and confidence.  It’s amazing.  A while she is living her miserable, lonely life. 

Post # 35
Member
2085 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

that had to hurt.  I think maybe our moms get a little jealous sometimes that they’re older now and we’re in that prime….

I’m not overweight, slim but when I get bloated I have a belly.. I took my Mother-In-Law to see my dress for the first time and we had just had a big meal and i said I was soooo full and felt like I looked fat in my dress and her response was “well you do”…. nice.

 

Post # 36
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Lurker, here. Just wanted to say I’m very sorry for what you’re going through. 🙁 Often times, those unkind words come from a place of hurt. Your mom is probably feeling bad, herself, and misery loves company. I know it’s hard to shake off, but she does love you.

Since the age of eight, my mom has been calling me fat. I couldn’t wear a two piece like my friends unless I went on a diet. I couldn’t have my hair cut a certain way because the model’s face wasn’t “as round” as mine. I couldn’t try on clothes and wear anything that fit my waist so up until the age of seventeen, I wore clothes three times too big and never learned to love my body because I looked like a tent. My mom was a very overweight person and hired a personal trainer for herself. I ended up being trained as well. Being heavier, she lost weight a lot quicker than I did. She’d drop ten pounds at a time and I’d drop two. It was always a sick competition.

I grew up with this really messed up vision of beauty. I certainly didn’t think I was beautiful. But you know what? After I became an adult and moved out, we both worked on our self esteem. She lost a ton of weight and she feels better about herself now. In turn, she stopped caring about what my weight was and she stopped subconciously trying to sabotage my happiness. Humans are selfish at the core, but I understand now that she was only in pain. She gushes over me now and “shows me off” to her friends with any pictures she can get and I spoil myself with form fitting clothes because I can wear whatever the hell I want, haha.

You mentioned your mom said you were getting a potbelly “like her”, well…there you go. It’s possible she just doesn’t want you to suffer like she is. 🙂 You’re not fat, by the way. You look toned and healthy. 

Post # 37
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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@ForeverBirds:  You look beautiful. As long as you’re healthy, happy, and doing your best to take care of yourself that is the only thing that matters.

I agree with PPs. Your mom may be speaking from a place of personal dissatisfaction. She may also be speaking out of love – if she is overweight and has health issues then she may feel her comments are a way to keep you from going through the same thing. Really bad way of doing it and does a lot more harm than good.

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@futuremrs1986:  Love it!

Post # 38
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee

1. You look fine. As you say could you lose a few lbs? Maybe. Do you look unhealthy or bad? Absolutely not. 

2. I always get so mad when people comment negatively about other people’s weight. Either it’s you are fat ir you are too skinny or you are too muscular. Whatever. As I told my mom once. Everyone has a damn mirror in their house. They see themselves in the mirror every single day. Do you not think they know what you are telling them? They already know! And … Either they like what they see ,for some reason, they are not ready to make a change or even worse there is a medical reason for which they look the way they look. Which takes innapropriate comments to a whole new terrible level! She realized it. She had never seen it that way and it was an eye opener for her. In her generation it was common to make those comments and people just shrugged it off.

My niece started gaining weight and starting to become obese. The only time I told her anything was when she told me her heels were really hurting when she spent hours standing up. I gently explained it is caused by added weight and that it gets worse the more weight you gain. You start feeling it in your lower back and knees too. Her reaction? Geez I definitely need to lose weight and take care of my body. She’s lost 20 pounds in the last couple months. 

I firmly believe in motivating people to be in a healthy weight. But NOT by SHAMING them into it but by leading by example and supporting and encouraging them!

Post # 39
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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@Xu:  hah! I love that!

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