Post # 1
I just got engaged in August, but we are trying to get an idea of where we would like to have our wedding, even though it will not be until 2013 sometime. My fiance and I live in Charleston, SC, a very beautiful city with lots of exciting options for wedding venues. When I told my mom how excited we were to have it here, she started crying, saying that most of my family would be either unable or unwilling to come and she would just be “so mad” if they didn’t. She wants us to have the wedding in Virginia, in or close to my hometown.
My fiance’s family and family friends live all over the country, (Montana and California namely,) so I think that would be really unfair to them, but most of all my fiance and I are really excited to have the wedding here. Also, it would be more fun and easier to plan here in our new hometown.
I suggested, as a compromise, my mom throw an engagement party in Virginia- she seemed receptive, but I suspect this will not be the end of this debate. That way, she gets to “show off” like she wants and be around her family, and we still get the wedding we would like. Has anyone else had this problem? Any advice? Thanks.
Post # 3
At the end of the day this is your wedding. You have to decide what is best for the two of you. Unless you have vast resources and work part-time or less it is difficult to plan a wedding long distance. It would mean many trips back and forth for you and Fiance (may be mom’s secret hope). Do you have time for that? Or you could turn plannig over completely to your mom. Do you think enough alike to do that?
I personally would rather plan it in my hometown. You live in a terrific city (I lived there for a few months too). There are so many amazing photo ops there. I know moms get excited and many like to “help” with the wedding plans. That is great but I have seen way to many mom’s use their daughter’s wedding to create the wedding they always wished they had and couldn’t afford back then. This is your wedding. You are entitled to do it your way and have your own vision. Be kind, be gracious, allow her to take part but maintain control of the rudder or else you might end up crashed on the shoals of family wedding drama. Good luck!
Post # 4
I like secondchances idea of letting her throw an engagement party in your hometown and if it turns out that most of your family and mom are really bummed that they are unable to come to your wedding consider a hometown reception for them.
Post # 5
I live six hours away from my hometown and told my parents flat out when we got engaged that we were having the wedding here no questions. There will be quite a bit of family/friends that won’t be able to make it for one reason or another. Because of that, we are going to do a reception-ish type thing around Thanksgiving or Christmas for the family that can’t make it.
I didn’t want to deal with the hassle of trying to plan a long distance wedding and when push comes to shove the family and friends that I truly want to be at the wedding will be there.
Just be strong and stand your ground. Remember that this day is about you and your Fiance and you have every right to hold your celebration where you would like. Listen to her side, make sure she listens to your side. Be ready to compromise but not at the expense of what you really want. Good luck!