Post # 1
From the get-go, my mother and father graciously offered to help with my wedding, up to and around $3k, which they did with my brothers.
My FI and I, WAY before this, had decided on a small simple wedding of about $2.5k. We planned to pay for it ourselves with him handling big ticket, and me handling the little things that add up–invitations, favors, centerpieces, cake.
When my parents offered they made it clear they wanted (eg were going to) do this and were ok with our plans on simpicity (though my mom balked a bit on not inviting her friends)
My FI makes more than I do so he’s been writing the checks for things like church and venue deposits.
When my mom found this out she asked for his address and is now sending cheques directly to him, one at a time, every time we spend money. We are doing the “good Catholic thing” so they are going to his apartment.
I am grateful for the help, in the long run it will allow us to put that much more towards the house…but I find it very weird…and of course my mom won’t tell me why…she just changes the subject.
Any bees experiance parental wierdness?
Post # 3
@searock: how can people here possibly know whay your mother is doing what she is doing? but that said, I dont’ find her behavior weird.
Post # 4
My mom tried to shove a wedding-related check in my handbag, and when that didn’t work, my shoes. She mailed it to me when I wouldn’t take it in person.
Just make sure your mother isn’t overextending her limits – she may be sending it to him in order to sneak more money in there.
Post # 5
@FauxPas2012: Parents get wierd, and other bees have experianced wierd things.
I find it weird that my mother has taken it upon herself to send checks to my fiancee and not to me, her daughter.
Great, you think its normal. No need to question my post. I find it odd. Is it really that ordinary for MIL’s to send money to their future SIL’s they’ve met 3 times?
Post # 6
@CakeyP: Ahh, my mom knows what we want, so I don’t think she’ll be stuffing check anywhere. She dosn’t want to send them to me at all, even if I’m spending the money…only to my FI.
That said, adding a bit of inflation, or doing some other covert planning thing would not be out of her range. She’s wants me to get fancy shoes for my wedding (which at size 11 is darmed near impossible) so she may incentivize my fiancee to do just that. Good imput. I look forward to other ideas.
Post # 7
@searock: Well if he’s paying upfront (and she knows about it) doesnt’t it seem natural for her to send it to him right away?
if she sent it to you, you’d have to write out a check for him again…
i think it’s sort of also showing that your mum already sees FI as family.
I wouldn’t really worry about it.
ETA: What I do find weird is that she won’t talk about it to you.
If it really bothers you then say something to the extent of “Mom, we’re beyond happy that you’re helping us with the wedding. you send the cheques to FI so that he faster can get his money, right?”
then she can either accept your assumption… or correct you on it.
Post # 8
i dont think its strange at all. they want to help pay for the wedding. currently, hes the one writing the cheques (as its time for the big things to be paid)so they want to reimburse him. since you arent paying for things yet, you dont get the cheques or youd have to then transfer him the money. why do it in 2 steps when they can give it directly