Mom booked a cruise during my Chinese wedding banquet

posted 2 years ago in Family
  • poll: What should I do?

    Have the American wedding and the Chinese wedding regardless of what mom thinks

    Have just the American wedding and figure out how we can afford to invite the extended family

  • Post # 2
    1130 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    helloivana :  Goodness. Mom sounds like she’s going through some sort of midlife crisis. I feel sorry for your dad. It’s quite sad imagining him having to attend your Chinese wedding solo. In the end, it’s your wedding, and your budget. Maybe mom will see how flawed this is, and postpone her trip. If not, enjoy the day with your dad and family. 

    Post # 3
    7247 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Sounds like your mom has decided to live her life and concern herself with herself and the only possible answer for the people around her during this time is to do the same. You shouldn’t have to put your life on hold or make major changes that impact you and a lot of other people because your mother has decided that she absolutely must do any and everything she wants to do right now.

    It sucks and it’s hard and there will probably be years of shit to work out as a result of it, but I think you should move forward with your plans as they were. If your mother chooses to miss this, that is her loss.

    Post # 4
    2234 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    Your mom isn’t being reasonable and honestly I would drop the Chinese wedding entirely and just have the American wedding with the people you can afford to invite. 

    Do not go into debt because of your mother, she isn’t treating you fairly. The important family who “helped raise you” need to be at your wedding if you do wish, their children do not. 

    Post # 5
    1615 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    If your family was that important (helped raised you) then I would have picked a wedding venue that could accommodate everyone you care about. Not chosen to invite them to the cheaper event after the fact. Seems like an afterthought rather than a way to honor and show appreciation. 

    Personally I’d try to include them in the American wedding and reduce costs elsewhere. But, regardless, I wouldn’t let your Mom’s ability to come be the deciding factor regarding the Chinese portion. She made the decision, but she’s not the focal point of the event, right?

    Post # 6
    1454 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Weird that your mom doesn’t care about losing face in front of the extended family because they will notice she’s not there and they WILL judge her lol.  On the + side you get to keep all the red envelopes then.

    Post # 7
    116 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    Your mom is allowed to have her own life and not come to your appointments if she doesn’t want to go. Sometimes moms who are having an emotionally hard time with their daughters getting married will miss out on these things. Not all moms are so fantastic with weddings. It sounds like you don’t have a very close relationship with her the way you speak about her. Maybe it’s for the best if she isn’t so involved? It’s sad she will miss the second part of your wedding but maybe there are some people she is planning to avoid. What is her relationship like with your extended family? Focus on having a good time with your fiancé and don’t worry about her so much.

    Post # 8
    4510 posts
    Honey bee

    I am stuck on how you managed to go $60,000 over your original budget without including your family on your guest list. 

    Post # 9
    323 posts
    Helper bee

    Chinese guests give cash. You’re missing the big picture.

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