Post # 1
So just the other day my mother found out about the finalized wedding date and she initially took it bad but now she is taking it a little too well.
She just came home with a package of 30 invitations that I have to write on myself. She only spent $5 but they are pink with flowers on them – I had told her my wedding theme is blue so I don’t want to send out pink invitations.
I had already designed my invitations on vistaprint and they are blue to match our colour scheme, I had been just waiting to confirm the guest list and other details before ordering them.
I am just kind of in shock that she is now purchasing things for the wedding without even asking me… I feel guilty not using them!
I was thinking maybe I could use the envelopes to mail out the STD I have and the pink paper inserts to be the place holders at the tables… it wouldn’t match our colour scheme but at least it isn’t going to waste…
I guess how I need to have yet another big talk with her now about the wedding in a matter of days!
Post # 3
@JessicaJupiter: Thank her for what she purchased, express happiness that she’s excited and politely tell her you were really looking forward to having fun finding much of the wedding stuff on your own. Now will be the time to decide on what REALLY matters to you and if you can hand over the stuff you don’t care about to her. If you want to avoid her complaining about being “left out” put her on a shopping mission for you, with specifics. Or maybe you could put her in charge of an event like the rehearsal dinner? That way, she can go all out and buy all the crap she wants and it won’t mess with your wedding vision.
Post # 4
@kenziemt: I think I’ve thanked her about 3 times already for them already, I want to make sure she knows I appreciate them! It was so sweet yet unecessary for her to do without giving me a quick text asking… it is also sweet that she clearly went out of her way at the store to go looking for them.
I am really the kid of person that would tackle this entire task on my own, every single detail. I am starting to look at my list and seeing what I can have my mother help me with, there isn’t much though. I may see if she wants to come and look at the venue when I drop the deposit off, maybe pick up the crafts I need for my bouqet
I just hate the thought of her wasting her own money on things that I don’t want to use at all.
Post # 5
My FMIL is a shopaholic, and she has been known to just show up with some things either for the wedding, or for mine and FH’s new apartment. It can be hard to not freak out when they’ve bought something that isn’t close to anything you had in mind, but you have to remind yourself to always remain gracious. If you’re caught off guard, just thank her. At least in my FMIL’s case, it makes her feel good when I accept a present. Even if you have no intention of using it, remember that they are only trying to help, and always show appreciation. If you don’t know how to approach your mom about the invitations yet, just take some time to think about what you want to say. I completely understand thinking “why are they wasting their money?” but to them, it’s not a waste, even if you don’t end up using it.
Post # 6
Awww….that sucks. Sorry she’s doing that.
I had a bridesmaid try and do that and while it isn’the same as your mother, it is still someone hijacking your wedding and your vision.
My advice would be to give them back and ask her to return them. Explain to her that this is your wedding and you are going to follow your vision in regards to it. It may hurt her feelings now, but it’s better to get it done and out of the way early on. You’ll have time to smooth out any hurt feelings. If not, be prepared to surrender your entire wedding to her because it won’t stop.
Post # 7
@KSBlueyz: I would’ve gave them back for her to return but she bought them from a buck or two where there is a no return policy – so she’d end up throwing them out. I’ve actually used the pink envelopes for the STD, I’m using the ribbons to decorate the centrepieces plus cutting the paper up to be placecards as they are better quality paper than I’d buy even though they are pink.
We did sit down and have a talk. I explained to her that I do have a very specific vision in mind for the wedding and a lot of things are already planned out, so if she wants to buy something she has to consult me first so that she isn’t wasting her money. She wasn’t as upset once I pulled out my laptop and showed her the beautiful design I had for my invitations – she was happy that I wasn’t using what she bought!
I even taught her how to snap a picture of something with her phone and text me if she has the idea to buy something, I even added of list of things that I need purchased to her phone so then she can focus her shopping energy towards what I could use.
Post # 8
@JessicaJupiter: my mom did the SAME thing! Only she showed up with 100 invitations. Ack!! She was all “they’re were 90% off and you don’t HAVE to use them”
I was scared to look but they’re actually possible perfect for our theme so I wasn’t too choked (free venue, now free invitations) but still it was just like whaaaat?!
I feel ya!
Post # 9
@JessicaJupiter: My mom is the same way. She’s a little off, and just started buying random things that not only didn’t match the style of my wedding, but didn’t match anything really.
I think the best thing to do would be to give her a specific task to help with that she can not possibly mess up. I think she really just wants to help, and maybe doesn’t realize that what she’s doing isn’t helpful