(Closed) Mom called me a bridezilla/Guest woes

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m sorry, that’s really frustrating.  We had a small wedding (around 85 guests) and my Mother-In-Law basically forced me to invite her friend’s teenage twin daughters, who I’d never met.  I had only ever met the friend once!  It was a thorn in my side the entire wedding planning process, I mean, we didn’t invite some of our friends, but these girls were going to be there??  

Anyways, the day of the wedding, I didn’t even notice them, or care that they were there.  I think if your parents are hosting the wedding and its not an issue of paying for the extra plate, just suck it up and take it gracefully.  I’m sure you can squeeze one more chair at their table.  Just write “Guest of Cousin’s Name” on the escort card or seating chart.  It’s very rude of them, but some people just don’t get it, and its not worth stressing out about.  

Post # 4
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I say stick to your guns and call your cousins.

Let him know “We can not for financial reasons accomidate your girlfriend. Plus, all the other singles are not brining their SO’s either and it would not be fair.”

Etiquette says that engage couples, married couples, and live-in couples are invited in pairs.

Post # 5
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Egh!  Sorry your mom called you the ‘b-word’!  Your mom shouldn’t have invited the cousin’s girlfriend, especially if you are limited on space.  I don’t think you are in the wrong.  But that said, at this point with 3 weeks to go, the best way to deal is really just grin and bear it.  The headache of calling up your cousin to tell him his gf is uninvited would just make the issue bigger than it needs to be.  Just add her as “Cousin’s Guest” to the seating chart and call it a day.  Even though it may cramp up space at their table to include her, you won’t be sitting at that table anyway, so I can gaurantee you won’t even notice it on your wedding day. 

I gave up on my guest list battles when we were getting close to wedding day, and I’m so glad I did.  We invited DH’s uncle who is single, but then we found out from Mother-In-Law 2 wks before the wedding that he was going to bring his new girlfriend and his 2 kids!  There really was no upside in trying to fight it.  Plus, one lesson I learned from my wedding was that the more generosity you extend, the more it comes back to you!

Post # 6
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Big hugs!  I don’t think you’re out of line, but if your parents are hosting and they’re willing to pay for the additional guests – let them.  I would remind your mom of the venue size constraints and say that if the cousin’s guest comes that so-and-so (preferably someone close to her) won’t be able to come because the venue can’t accomidate that # of people.  Maybe that will help her put numbers into check….or another way is like well mom I’m find with her coming but don’t you think that will make so-and-so angry since they weren’t able to bring a guest?

You’re totally not being a bridezilla!

Post # 7
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee

@Bride109: Oh man.  The bridezilla comment was out of line here.  I understand your frustration over this plus-one.  I just got steamrolled over the no kids rule and had SIXTEEN people added to our guest list (we are now over capacity by 9 people).  We are hosting our wedding ourselves and people still have been crazy rude.

I think the biggest point I would make is that whether or not it’s right, your parents are hosting and paying.  I know why you would be upset but it’s important to decide which battles to pick.  I would tell your mom to please get her first and last name for you so you will have it for the escort card.

Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Oh lord–I’m really over “bridezilla.” It’s a catchphrase and it gets lobbed at you simply when you are being assertive. How rude.

I agree with PP that you ultimately have to let the girl come–it’s one more guest and it’ll be okay. I’d have a talk wtih your mom, though.

Post # 10
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I’m not sure I can answer why you were called a bridezilla.  When your mom told you about cousin’ Girlfriend, did you kick off and start yelling at her?  Did she feel the no guest policy was a bad idea to begin with?  I know you don’t feel your mom has been super involved, but apparently she’s handling something with the RSVPs, and might feel like you don’t appreciate it??  Maybe in telling your mom the gf wasn’t invited, she thought you were asking HER to break the bad news to your cousin.  Maybe if you can get to the bottom of why she really said it, you both can get past it.

Also, did your mom actually allow the gf, or did your cousin make an assumption or faux pas?  (I suppose it’s easier to give guys a  pass on some etiquette, especially if most family weddings have included guests).  It sounds like some pps were saying your mom invited the gf.

As for this: “I’m thinking of gently reminding in casual conversation that it’s a really small, close family/friends wedding, (not big dinner/dance affair) and how much we’re looking forward to seeing those we love and spending time with them. Might be he or she will decide that her attendance isn’t necessary at this time. If not, ah well.”  I wouldn’t recommend saying anything like this.  If you want to call and ask for her name, great.  If you don’t think you can contain your irritation, then don’t call, just write “guest’.  It’s not worth it to be the bigger person, if you do it in a half baked way, and possibly hurt someone’s feelings in the process.  Just decide what’s more important, having your cousin there, and taking the gf, or not having any +1s.

But I do think that if you don’t want her there it’s your job to tell them.  Your mom shouldn’t have to do it.

Post # 11
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Your mother just emotionally blackmailed you. If she finds out that you’ll acquiesce to her every time she calls you a bridezilla, she’ll keep doing it. 

I’d probably call the cousin and explain to him that space is limited. 

Post # 12
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Ugh, I can totally understand why you’re feeling hurt. My sister called me Hitler this weekend because I said I didn’t want her (MOH) wearing a different color than the rest of the BMs. Really?! I hardly think that preferring everyone in the same color is equivalent to genocide…

The label is getting tossed around soooo much and it’s just.not.funny. when it’s slapped on someone who totally doesn’t deserve it.

Post # 13
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’m with lilacwire. Normally I’d say, just invite her to keep the peace. BUT. I’d call your cousin and remind him that due to space restrictions you can’t have plus ones. And oh gosh, it really sucks because you’d love to meet his new girlfriend, and you wish that the place were bigger.

 

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