(Closed) Mom changed her mind about paying for Wedding! Other craziness

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow, I’m so sorry you’re going through this! That sucks that she spent all the money she was going to give you. But now that you’re paying for the wedding yourselves, at least you don’t have to give into any of her crazy demands. That is the silver lining, I’d say.

Post # 4
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Wow. This really sounds like a case of mother/daughter rivalry to me. (Not on your end, on her end). Perhaps your mom is a tad jealous of you?? I know it seems weird, but some moms are like that. I can’t imagine a mother calling her daughter’s arms fat in her wedding dress or demanding a head table so she can be “showcased.” Sorry, I know it’s your mom but that is just pure craziness.

As far as the money goes, yes that is totally screwed up that she did that to you. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about it because, like you said, it is her money and she can do with it what she wishes.

If I were you I would have a budget wedding and fund it with myself and my fiance. That way your mother can have NO CONTROL whatsoever over your day.

Good luck hun, and I am so sorry  you are going through this 🙁

Post # 5
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Well I think the only thing you can do is move forward knowing that you and your Fiance are 100% responsible for the wedding. Even if she comes back and offers more money you need to assume she will back out again. DH’s family said they would pay for flowers. I gave them the quote, they were still ok with it. Seriously the day before it was due they acted like they had no idea they were suppose to pay for them. It was obnoxious and I was left scrambling. The upside is you can pull the, “It’s my wedding and I’m paying for it” card.

Post # 6
19 posts
  • Wedding: July 2012

WOW.  My jaw literally dropped while reading this post.  I’m with redheadem….she doesn’t have any say in your wedding now.  And if you dont want to invite those aunts, she doesn’t get to just invite them and pay for them.  the wedding is your responsibility (financially speaking), so you get to decide who’s invited and who wears what.

Post # 7
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am so sorry. This sounds terrible.

Don’t give your mother any type of say with the wedding. I wouldn’t even include her in the appointments. Give her a set number or guests she can invite and have a wedding that you and your Fiance can afford. She sounds like she is looking for attention too and I wouldn’t give it to her.

Post # 8
5072 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m so sorry this happened to you.  How strange!

You and your Fiance are in charge of the entire thing now. . . you make the decisions!  It’s really quite freeing!

Good Luck with everything.

Post # 9
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m so sorry to hear all that. I feel really lucky that my mom is as supportive as she is. I can see that happening with my FI’s parents, though (about the money, not the demands). They also offered us 10k, but his sister has since gotten engaged and decided to get married right before us. Her and her Fiance have nothing saved and the bulk of the wedding expenses will likely be paid by his parents. My Fiance is worried that his parents won’t have the money at the end of his sister’s wedding to give to us.

We are acting as if we will have to pay for it, and will be thrilled if the money actually comes through.

Post # 11
1637 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Cryssieshine: Hi hun!

You’re going to do what I had to do eventually: keep all wedding details to yourself. Stop answering her questions about the wedding and guest list. Inform your brothers about her appointment or call the place and cancel it for them.

Do not give her details of your bach party whatsoever.


I’m sorry you have to deal with this!

Post # 13
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It sounds like your mom likes the idea of giving you a better life (encouraging you to go to college, offering you a wedding) but in the end can’t bear to see you getting something she feels SHE deserves more than you. 

Post # 14
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

This is sorta similar to what happened to me, expect it was Future Mother-In-Law who backed out of the money thing.  Well, technically I still don’t know if she’s intending to contribute, but I’m not counting on it.  It’s a pretty crazy situation and it sucks 🙁  But, I agree with everyone else, you can use the “It’s my wedding and my money” card, which is awesome!

Post # 15
14947 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow, I’m sorry, that is unbelieveable!!  To say that she would take care of something and then back out like that on more than one occassion!?  I’d be through the roof!  How’s your relationship with her otherwise?  Have you confronted her on why she would make such a promise and then just splurge on something else.  Sounds like she’s purposely trying to sabotage you!  Geez, I just cant understand why any parent would do that to their child.  Good for you though for not letting it stop you and still going to college and graduating, and you’re still going to get your dream wedding. 

Post # 16
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Oh my goodness that us so horrible, I’m appalled she would treat and talk to ehr own daughter that way! It really sucks of her to back out on her offer to help financially, but I think the things she is doign to you emotionally – saying your arms look fat, wanting to be showcased at your wedding, you should get married at city hall, you ROBBED her of her childhood (wtf, excuse you for being born?!) are WAY worse! I would probably have a tearful breakdown while asking her how she could be so mean to her own daughter during what should be a happy time.

I wish I had advice, but…wow that is a hard situation. Please just know we are all here for you if you need to share your dress or ideas with people who will actually be supportive! Can your dad or siblings possibly knock some sense into her?!

The topic ‘Mom changed her mind about paying for Wedding! Other craziness’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors